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Avatar universal

babys dad ran won't tallk but says he cares? would u let him be involved

Well im going to start with a little bit of the past; I have a little 2.5 little girl, whose father walked out on her at 5 years old. He never looked back.  I never got child support and never heard from him again, unless it was rude comments. Wrll during my pregnancy my best guy friend was always there. He was her god father! We tried dating and it didn't work out that well. He wanted to party and wasn't ready to settle down. Throught the 3 years (my pregnancy and 2 years of my daughters life) he continued to be there for her. He didnt miss her first step, her first words nothing! I got into a serious relationship and was mistreated all the time. He begged me to get out of it. Once I was we became closer than ever. My daughtet had called him dad a fee times. So I pulled back a little. He had begged me to give our relationship another try. I told him my councerns of us being so close, him partying, im ready to settle and of coursr his relationship between my daughter.   Its not fair for someone to walk in and out of a childs life and with her to already call him daddy I was concerned. He begged, told me he was ready to settle down, he wasn't only in love with me but her as well. He kept telling me if she called him dad it would be for a good reason. He had even mentioned adopting her. Well we started seeing each other. Everything was going great. This last december we found out we were expecting. I was in crying shock, freaking out and he wad so happy! Once I called down he told me he wasnt leaving, well sure enough he did. He left. He started drinking hard core, was late to every appoitlntment. Wouldn't talk to me, my daughter would say hi and he would just walk by her. We had an appointment and he was late, because of previously drinking the night before. Well they couldn't find the heartbeat. My heart sank. I walked out of the drs office to go get a sonogram, he came after me asking what was wrong. I was so frustrated with him. I was crying and upset. I was far enough along they have always found it. I thought to myself we were best friends, u begged me for this, u were there for every appointment for my daughter that wasn't yours. I questioned how he could do this. How could he run feom his own child. When we got in the car I asked why he was late, he over slept because he was deunk n stayed out late. I told him they couldnt find the heartbeat. He started rubbinf my back, tried kissing me. Which frustrated me even more. We had a sonogram, wmbaby looked okay but I had funneling, which is my cervix opening at 26 weeks. We left and he didnt check up on the baby or anythinf. Next appointment he disnt show,  I text him the next three and told him this is the last one I am telling you about. He missed anouther for that I told him about. After that I quite.  His new girlfriend kept calling me off his phone threatening me. I asked him to not let her contact me and he wouldnt listen. I warned him multiple times I was going to block his number if I had to. Phone calls at 3am were unnecessary.  It didnt even die down, she started coming into my work. I ended up blockeling his number.we actually worked together too, which on my part was stupid I know. No rude commentd please. He was assistant manager and had told my boss I refused to work with him. So I was let go. I have been hearing he is telling people I cut him out of the baby's life and I won't even be mature enough to talk to jim. So I thought maybe he will be mature since it is getting closer and all. When I called him he wouldn't be serious, wouldn't answer a thinf about the bsby, he just made jokes about my baby bump. I text him an update after my last appointment, begged him to  talk to me. His family wants to be involved and its not fair to really keep the baby from them, because of his uncontrollable actions. I am not sure what to do from here. Everyone said he is scared he will come around.  I don't want him in the delivery because we can't even talk. Should I let him in the hospital to see the baby, or will he just put me down any way he can. He can't walk in and out of a childs life when he pleases. But then if I tell his family will they bring him?  
2 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
I'd let the family into the baby's life and not bother to let the dad in.  He has to earn his way back after all he has done to you.  You lost your job because he claimed you wouldn't work with him?  Sheez.  I'd sue him if it wouldn't up the drama (which of course it will, and you don't need it).  Put an open letter together to him and don't complain, just say.  In other words, "you have not been there for me and you have been late to appointments and you told lies about me at work that caused me to lose my job, you haven't stopped your girlfriend from harassing me, so I don't want to see you.  But your family does not deserve to be shut out of seeing their grandchild/niece/cousin, so I am not shutting them out."  Then give the letter to the family and tell them that if he ever says anything to them about you they should give the letter to him.  Then stick with it.

Regarding your first baby dad, there is such a thing as going to court and garnishing his wages.   You can do that for Mr. Blows-Hot-and-Cold also.
Avatar universal
I agree with Annie AS LONG as the family is nice, cooperative, and respects your wishes of not allowing their son/the father in the baby's life because of the actions he has chosen to take, thus he has to live with the consequences! He cannot keep doing the ring around the posies bit just when he's scared or whatever, not like you have a choice to back out being mother! This is why men should be having babies lol teach them a damn lesson! I agree writing up a letter of agreement between you and his family that they can and will be allowed in babies life if they agree to your terms. Don't back down because you feel guilty or the family tries that. You are protecting your children because he has hurt your little girl who isn't even HIS but HE chose to step up and then STEPPED OUT and of his own flesh and blood! And yes for Pete sakes! Go for the child support you deserve for both children! And make a beautiful life for the 3 of you because they are worth more than ANY man.

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