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385161 tn?1270081218

Lost a twin at 35 weeks:(

Well today I went for an ultra sound and our little angel baby b is no longer with us, her heart was not beating anymore. I am 35 weeks pregnant and due to deliver at 36 weeks (May 11th) I just have no idea how to deal with any of this and am having a tough time, although I feel blessed to have a healthy twin in there that will survive I am not sure what to do about the one that passed....

they asked me if I want a burial...I said no cremation would be better.
they asked me if I want to see her after she is born---i am wanting too but not sure its a good idea

I am sad:( I knew that there was a good chance this could happen--for anyone whose been following my posts twin b has had issues all along and has been closely monitored since week 22. But 5 days before delivery??? Shocker really. ... and a blessing she held on that long too because if she hadn't there would be a chance i'd be delivering way earlier than 36 weeks which would totally put my little twin A at risk. Advice from anyone whose gone thru this would be great...and appreciated.
13 Responses
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467840 tn?1242302044
I am so sorry for your loss and I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Just try to hang in there and be strong for baby A. There is a program called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep that will come to the hospital when you give birth and take beautiful photos of your twins together and you all as a family. That may be something you want to think about. I know it sounds kinda morbid, but I think in the long run it is something you would dearly treasure. They have a website where you can read about their work and find contact numbers. They are in every state.
Helpful - 0
803146 tn?1241372700
I don't even know what to say.  My heart breaks for you and your little angel!  I am so sorry. Prayers to you and your family.
Helpful - 0
566175 tn?1278430472
I am very sorry for your loss.  I can't even imagine...  

May God heal your heart and comfort you and your family in your time of loss.
Helpful - 0
393893 tn?1283551230
I have not experienced this but I wanted you to know my heart goes out to you and your family.  I am so very sorry.  I am 27wks pregnant with twins and can not even begin to imagine what you must be going through.
Lots of love to you
Helpful - 0
784127 tn?1261404576
Im so sorry to read about your dear little angel. Seems like she did really well to hang on for that long, at that same time it just doesn't seem fair being so close to delivery :(
Lots of love and prayers to you and your family. x
Helpful - 0
223372 tn?1240920676
Bless your heart!!  I cannot even imagine what you are going through.  I am familiar with the photography program momoftwins is referring to.  I have seen the work and it is so special.
Helpful - 0
344846 tn?1267550107
i am so very sorry about your loss!!! i dont know this pain but if i may say please hold your angel baby and grieve even though his/her twin is okay....... my mom had a stillborn several years ago before i came along at full term and of course back then i dont think they gave it much thought to have held the lost child but it will be so healing and give you closure.my prayers are with you and god bless. happy mothers day hun!!!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh, I am sooo sorry for the loss of your little angel. I just can't even imagine what you are going through. It is times like this when you wonder how this can happen to good people.

It is hard to say what I would do if I were in your shoes. I think if I were you I would want to hold the baby but that is just me. I think you just have to do what you feel it right for you and it sounds like you are giving it much thought vs. something that you would regret later.

*HUGS*

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ohh my heart goes out to you!  I can not imagine!!  I am very sorry for your loss!
Helpful - 0
175317 tn?1256853321
1st
I am so sorry for your loss!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am so sorry for your loss. My freind lost a child at 30 weeks and planted a tree in her name, so over the years she could watch it grow. She said it helped with that closure and eased the pain. She also hled and took pictures of her daughter to put in a memory book. She had a really hard time with the loss (They had been trying 6 years to get pregnant) thought it was going perfect and was shocked when the baby had multiple strokes during early delivery. I dont know if your religious or not , but she is catholic, and she said the priests best advice was to get up in the morning and if she needed to cry-cry. But allow yourself only 10 min of crying, to go all out if needed, and if not, maybe just sit quiet and remember, think, daydream. But taking that 10 min every morning allowed her to be able to have more productive and clear days and she was able to focus better. Please keep us posted on your second baby. Im 27 weeks pregnant with identical twin boys. We also have 2 boys ages 5 and 4. I miscarried at 14 weeks this last October.I also understand how quickly things change and how precious life is. My thoughts are with you.
Helpful - 0
385161 tn?1270081218
thank you so much for your kind words. my little angel eva has definately watched over us. her sister malerie was born healthy and safe. i am doing well emotionally too. For some reason i didn't really shed tears like i thought I would and just looked at the bright side of the situation. . . Eva stuck around long enough for malerie to be born at 36 weeks. If Eva had passed earlier, my little Malerie would have had to be delivered earlier and that would have put her at risk for complications. Its like god knew and Eva knew to stick around and hang in there and survive until 36 weeks. Malerie was born May 11th 2009, 5lbs 2oz she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I feel blessed every day to have her. As for my husband and I, well we've made the decision to not have any more children--who knows maybe in the future that will change, but as for now we are enjoying the one we have waited so long and tried so hard for. Its been quite a journey and I do plan to stay on the site and keep everyone posted. Thanks again so much to all and if anyone needs any advice, I'm here too. I feel like a very strong woman now and would love to share that strength with anyone who is in need. So whether your worried about your pregnancy, trying to get pregnant or have suffered a loss, i've been there and I'm still standing and I'm here for you. My prayers and thoughts are with you all as well:)
with love,
Jennifer
Helpful - 0
958055 tn?1263077506
sometimes saying goodbye tot he ones that we love the most in life helps with the grievieng process.... Im not sure if it will help you..i am truely sorry for the loss of your baby..i will pray that god takes some of the pain from you and allowd you to heal and grieve....i dont know what really to say to help you through this but i can tell you that your in my heart and prayers everyday and your family...

love amber
Helpful - 0

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