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Avatar universal

Advice...

I literally just ask my mom sometimes but I need different perspectives.

The dilemma is that the father of my daughter says that his ex wife would be a better mom and that he wished it was her who fathered his child.

She recently had a boy with her partner and that's what he wanted. A boy. He says he's happy for her and misses and loves her and that I'm just a (any nasty word you can think of) and that he'll never do anything for me. He wants to take away his daughter and take her because my house is unfit because I have 3 dogs inside. Yet he sells grows and consumes weed inside his home.

He has threatened to physically harm me but he hasn't because I'm pregnant but if I deserve it afterwards he'll do it. (I'm not gonna wait for that!!)

I'm having a girl. So he says he's happy but he hasn't shown initiative. Which has caused the arguing because he hasn't stepped up.  I'm literally due in like 9 days.  

I told him that I don't want him around me or the baby not during labor and not after either. I kind of feel bad but this man hasn't earned the right to be there at the hospital. I say right because if I don't want him in there... That's what it'll be.

Should I let him be there?
21 Responses
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Avatar universal
bump.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
He has a discharge in the marine corps for a dirty drug test. Does the count?

Also, would the texts be enough to get a retraining order? I hear it's hard to get one unless he has already done something to me (which is stupid)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Call the cops anonymously and turn his butt in for growing and selling. In the mean time any threats or anything you get from him and his family save those, print them up, and get a retraining order on him. Then once the baby is here get a lawyer involved for supervised visitation or to completely take away rights (may be hard to do if he has no priors)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. That sounds like I could go down a rough patch if I make the mistake of naming him. That's horrible to actually let him still have visits though! What a terrible system we have.  

Sometimes I kinda get scared because he served 10 years in the marines and has guns and well hey, you never know!!!

Also, I don't want child support because I KNOW I would have to add him to the BC.

He's playing it safe. He has a brand new silverado and changed it to his moms name in case they use that as collateral for child support. His ranch and house was changed to his moms name for the same reason. Real *******.
Helpful - 0
6918915 tn?1395932871
I agree with all these ladies. I would not let him be in that room. That is YOUR moment - yours because you are carrying and making that baby and you're the one who is going to raise her and love her. He doesn't deserve it. Plus, if he is violent he doesn't even deserve to be around the baby at all. I wouldn't give the baby his last name or put him on the birth certificate. If you do, he will have rights and I've learned from personal experience that the court will honor those rights, even to an *******. My ex went to jail for selling coccaine to undercover cops and the judge still said he could have unsupervised visits. I went thru to protect my son. Thank god I stayed out of our lives for the most part. My son hasn't seen him in years. But I wish I could go back and give my son my own name and take his father off the BC.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What can I lawyer do for me?

I do want him far away but this guy is the kind to just walk up in my house and take my kid which is another reason I don't want him to have automatic rights (named on the BC) because then the court promise would be lengthier and harder for me to get her back.

He's an alcoholic and pot head. Which to be honest is fine by ME but I don't want my daughter around that.

I can't believe his mom let's him grow weed in their home!! If he wants to smoke it, fine but really? A whole room dedicated to growing it?

I can't believe I'm even in this situation because he's 28 and doesn't act like it.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
what u need is a lawyer to keep this *** miles from you and your baby!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
U shouldn't even try to communicate anymore it obviously gets u no were ik u probably want things to be ok but he seems to just wanna argue let him be!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hes a dumb donkeys butt because if his ex was a queen and a better fit to be the mother of his child then he shouldn't of ever ended that relationship. Men suck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks ladies! I had a chat with him and he says he has a right to be there but I don't want him there. I'm not risking my child to see us fight or him hit me.

He belittles me so much saying that his ex wife was a queen and that I never meant anything to him and that He is screwed for life because I'm the mom and not her.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Leave u can do bad by yourself u dont need anyone to bring u down u need support n love
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with everyone else, id drop him and his entire family if they're going to treat and talk to you like that. People always blame the girl when she gets pregnant but guys have a responsibility on their end as well.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If he has threatened to harm u he shouldn't be around u or ur baby I wouldn't even tell him when u go into labor I would lose all contact with him misery loves company n it sounds like his life is really miserable n just want u to be as miserable screw him n ignore him u never disrespect the woman that is carrying your child he should be protecting u
Helpful - 0
6628393 tn?1398789276
If I was in that situation personally he wouldnt be there, baby would have my last name, and henwouldnt be on the BC .. but thats just me. You can make q child but that doesnt mean your a father.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Stay away from that family! Keep you and that baby safe.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your analogy made perfect sense because his excuse is... "Would you really dare keep me away from my own seed?"

I would dare. It's not what I wanted but he's so rude to me. All I've asked if for some respect but he treats me like hell.

His mom included. She questions if the baby is his because I don't want him around. (Because of this not because the baby isn't his!!)

She says I should've stayed protected too if I didn't want to be pregnant (because I didn't but it's not my sole responsibility, he's 28 he knows better too!)

It's not her business. He's rotten mostly because of her.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
No, he should not be there. If he is man enough to get u pregnant, then he should of been man enough to be there for your whole pregnancy. When you plant a seed, you must fertilize it or give it water to grow up out of the ground. If it grows on its own into a big apple tree, you dont deserve to eat from it. You would probably eat from it anyways, thinking that it only grew bcuz of u planting it. That is wrong. I hope my analogy made sense lol
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If he wanted to be there he wouldn't treat u that way he should respect you.. im giving my ex the opportunity to be in the room with me because he does show me he is happy ans really.wants to be a part of this. Good luck im due in 10 days
Helpful - 0
7226011 tn?1389330533
I agree with above comment. If he said he will never do anything for you, then pffft why be there at the hospital with you? Enjoy the time with your baby girl without stress!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If I were in your situation I wouldnt want him to be there. I know he's the father of your baby but with how he disrespects you and says all those things about his ex, he doesn't deserve to be there.
Just my thought and opinion.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Not fathered his child lol but her who carried his baby.** typo.
Helpful - 0
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