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Avatar universal

Do you REALLY need help with taking care of your baby during the first few months?

I live with my husband, and neither of us have family in the United States. Every time I tell someone that I'm having the baby in March they ask if my family is here and when I say no they act very surprised and say "you NEED someone to help you with the baby, you won't be able to do this by yourself!" Now, I'm really not lying when I say that every one has told me the same thing. Is this true? am I really screwed or can I do this without help? My hubby will of course help me but his job is very tiring (12 hours a day approx) and it's not like he would be there all the time. I'm getting nervous about it lol
19 Responses
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368785 tn?1270432283
it's not uncommon for people to offer help. at all.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I took care of my child for 18 months..... having a child was your choice, no one tells you theyll help you take care of it.......... and you will take care of it......... i mean we can take care of ourselves why not tak care of our own kids....?? im surorised ppl tell u that.
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1012334 tn?1283702979
You can do it, it will be hard at times, but you can be the mom you want to be on your own!. I was a scared 18 year old girl when I had my 1st, my family lived out of state, my best friends were gone in college, my BF worked long shifts, so pretty much just worked and slept. i had been around babies before, but being around babies and having one of your own there all the time is very different! Also my 1st baby was born 3 months early, so I did'nt have all the "things" I needed for the baby and when he first came home from the hospital he had to be on a monitor, so that if he stopped breathing i could wake him up. It was terrifying, but i loved getting to know my new baby!!! like other have stated theeare parenting classes usually offered at hospitals in the area and also crisis pregnancy center or pregnancy network offer free parenting classes for parents and are located all over the country. You will be fine, but it is good to kind of have the basics in mind through clases or books (i think "what to except when your excepting" and "what to except the first year" are good ones). i am currently pregnant with my 4th and while I am still not planning on having family around to "Help" , I am planning on sending the other children to a relatives house for about a weeks, so the baby and I can adjust before we all adjust together. Good luck
Helpful - 0
1102149 tn?1259692962
You can do it. For most it will come very naturally. I was sent home with my daughter when she was 4 lbs 12oz and my husband was home a week.  I did most of the night feeding because I was breast feeding and I just made sure I napped when I could. I am sure your body is already preparing you for less sleep and honesly as long as you don't let the crying get to you you will be fine. Just remember that is what babies do and it is normal and natural for them to do it. As long as you have friends that you can talk with and even go and see during the day you will be great. If you can find the time and energy, do a bit of cooking and freeze it before you deliver. If you can not find the time you won't die living on simple meals for a bit.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You can take parenting classes. They'll teach you how to change diapers, feed the baby, swaddle, bath....everything. You can visit a breastfeeding counselor who will help you learn how to breastfeed and will follow up with you afterward to make sure the baby is doing well. you can also buy books that will help you. a few i read. (i had twins my first time around) what to expect when you're expecting, what to expect the first year, happiest baby on the block, breastfeeding mothers guide, belly laughs (that was just for a good laugh) and the big book of vaccinations (tells you what vaccinations should be given at what stage in life, what they're for, what they prevent and if you ABSOLUTELY need it.

so no...you don't absolutely need someone with you. it is overwhelming at times but if you prepare yourself you'll be perfectly fine.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm not sure how much guidance the midwives give to new mothers with respect to their care, but there are baby care classes that are usually offered at hospitals, along with the Lamaze type of classes.  Check with the hospital where you will deliver and see if they have any breastfeeding and baby care courses.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you all ladies so much for your reassuring words! I forgot to add that like Ashelen, I know NOTHING of babies lol! That's another reason too for the freaking out. I think my husband told me that long time ago he babysat, but that was like 15 years ago! He unfortunately can't take any time off so it'll be all by myself. And I've never babysat anyone, actually none of my friends have babies so I'd be the first one (the ones that told me I need help were new ladies I've been meeting through my husband's coworkers- their wives, etc). The worst part is that since we are still "on the move" (we are subletting a place right now but need to find a new one before the end of the month) I can't go and find a new midwife in this state, as of yet (this week I'm still going to my ob doctor in the previous state I lived there). Do the midwives teach you how to take care of the baby??
Helpful - 0
304970 tn?1331425994
To be honest with you, my Mother flew in for THREE weeks, she was here 2 weeks before my DS arrived, and a week after. I was devastated. She didnt ask me, she just planned the trip and showed up. She ended up staying with a family friend because I had to tell her that Ken & I wanted to do this alone, to get to know our son. (he is our first, and only). I think it is a very personal decision. Just be prepared (meals, and thigs like that in advance). If you happen to have baby early, there is always take-out. This is your child, and you CAN do this. I think it is pretty common to have family around, but I preferred to NOT have them around initially until we got into our own routine and had time to bond with our son. Good luck, and as someone else mentioned, next person that asks, just reply " no, I have no family around, but if you want to help, or come clean within that first  couple of weeks, I will give you a call." That will shut them up, and if they offer, and you want to, take the food/housework help! =) Best of luck! =D  You will be FINE.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You can do it.  My husband, mother and mother-in-law ALL got sick within days of me having my daughter.  I was breastfeeding also, so the feedings were only able to come from me.  So I was basically on my own.  Now it is overwhelming at times and when my mother was better she would come over to help me and my husband get some sleep (because he was sick), but if your husband is willing and able to watch the baby for you to rest then you'll be fine.  It's no walk in the park but the first few months consists of eating, pooping and sleeping - so unless you have a collicy baby your only issue will probably be lack of sleep :)
Helpful - 0
368785 tn?1270432283
I live with my mom, and I'm actually gonna say I do NEED her help from time to time. Sometimes you may need a break, and I don't have DH around [for personal reasons that don't need to be discussed], and there are a LOT of circumstances that aren't usual for us right now, so I'm becoming physically and emotionally drained. My mother and sister love fawning over my almost one month old. And it's nice to be able to get a minute or two to myself. Not a necessity, but VERY nice.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Just had my third baby and while DH did stay home from work for a few days I really didn't need him to. No one came over to help either and his parents live five blocks away. And that was with THREE children (well, one goes to school during the day so technically two).

So you can do it! Don't know why people are freaking out about it to you. Babies are the easy part. They seriously just sleep, eat and poop. Sometimes they eat while sleeping! It is when they start walking and become toddlers that you've got your hands full. ;-)
Helpful - 0
470885 tn?1326329037
Sorry, I meant I didn't actually want any help, except from DH.
Helpful - 0
470885 tn?1326329037
I'm with tobbeyj.  With DS, I didn't actually want any help, aside from DS.  Perhaps selfishly, I wanted the first few days to bond with my son.  Plus he needed eye surgery within the first 2 weeks, and that complicated matters anyway.

My mother has passed away and we did ask DH's mom to come and stay with us for a week, but she ended up leaving early - I couldn't handle having her here....I was so hormonal and missing my own mom, I was a MESS.  

I needed time alone with DS to gain confidence that I could do it, that I could be a good mom (I barely had any experience with infants before I had him).

As for cooking, cleaning, etc.....Let DH help, but if things need to slide a bit for a few weeks, it's not the end of the world.  Eventually, you'll settle into a routine and be on top of those things again.
Helpful - 0
719902 tn?1334165183
If it is your first baby, you'll be fine!  You will probably even appreciate that no one else is there so you can do things YOUR way and get to know your little one on your OWN.  I know many new moms resent help during thsoe first few weeks/months.

The reason I asked if it was your first baby is because I found it *much* harder with the second (and third, and fourth...= ).  Because the baby takes up ALL your time and their is very little left for anyone else, including hubby or yourself.  

Good luck to you, you'll do just fine!
Helpful - 0
1001811 tn?1259861489
I think as long as your hubby will be able to take some time off work to help you, everything will be fine. To be honest, I don't want help when our baby arrives in April. I think that hubby and I will be fine, and the only thing I could use help with is to have someone cook for us. Since this will not be happening as our family, like yours is out of town, I will prepare meals and freeze them ahead of babies arrival. I know you will be fine, just like hubby and I will be fine, because honestly we dont have a choice :)  Happy third trimester !
Helpful - 0
478429 tn?1265244387
You'll do fine! When I had DS, DH was here to help me some but like anyone else, he also had a job. I think a lot of it has to do with finding that routine that works for you and baby and stick with it. My family lives 2hrs away and his mom lives 40mins away. I did fine...In fact, when DS was 6wks old, I even went back to college to get a different degree. I took night classes so I usually left about 5 and got home around 10, got up and took care of DS and did it the next day. I took classes for almost 2yrs :-) You will do absolutely fine - don't worry about those people - I never did understand it much when people would say they had they're in-laws or whoever stay for x amount of weeks to help (unless something went wrong and the mom had a hard recovery). Just take it one day at a time :-)
Helpful - 0
202436 tn?1326474333
This is really a matter of opinion.  When my 2nd child was born we lived on a military base overseas, My husband went back to work after 3 days....when she was 2 weeks old we had a typhoon hit the island and hubby had typhoon duty meaning he had to go to his shop and stay there the entire time the base was on lock down.  I had my 7 yo and a 2 wk for almost a week by myself.  

When my 3rd child was born we were still overseas...DH took 2 weeks off but that was it....the rest of it was up to me....3 kids by myself.  

I think it all depends on what you feel you can handle.  I didn't have a choice, but at the same time I think I would prefer NOT to have someone around constantly telling me how I should and shouldn't do things...that would just really irriate me.


Don't listen to everyone else....this is your child and you will do JUST FINE.  Besides if you have questions or concerns, you can call your doc or post here, most of us already have kids and would be glad to help you out :D   The next time someone asks you that.....say..."No my family can't be here, are you volunteering to help?"  I bet that will shut em up
Helpful - 0
676912 tn?1332812551
You can do it. I lived with my parents and DH was there the first two weeks (active US army he went back to S Korea), my mom took vacation time for the following two weeks, so I had help but I also had a c-section, that alone had me physically drained. I had DH and my mom there but I did most of the work still. I had them take care of the baby when I took a shower, but other than that it was me...once in a while DH/my mom would change a diaper or get a bottle ready. After the first 4 weeks it was all me from 9pm to 5pm the next day. My mom, dad and brother worked/were in school so I would wait for them to get home to get a shower and have a few "me" minutes. You'll be just fine though...you'll have your husband, and although he works he'll be so full of excitement...and I'm sure he'll help out.
Helpful - 0
1035252 tn?1427227833
No you absolutely do not need help. My dad had his head stuck up his butt and my mom has a terminal illness, so I spent a long few months going it completely alone with my daughter. my in-laws work too much to help, and my husband was working 2 jobs at the time, so it was ALL ME.

Take a deep breath...you'll be fine.

I won't lie, it was hard as heck for me. I had never even HELD a baby before my daughter was born (never babysat, never had any young children around me...I'm an only child) so I had no freaking clue what to do, and no internet access for quick advice...I went completely on instinct and pediatrician's advice and I survived.

I was very depressed at first, and I did not feel like I could do it....(but I also had serious delivery issues that drained my energy even more than most!) but after the first two weeks it was smooth sailing.

You can 100% do it! Get the right mind-set, and believe in your abilities as a mommy, and you'll make it just fine. It's way easier with help, of course, but I did it and so can you....hang in there through those first few weeks and you'll feel SO accomplished and proud because you did it all on your own. Just be aware of the dangers of Post-Partum Depression. I did not have it, blessedly, but it would have been easy for me to have developed it and never have anyone notice because I was so very alone all the time...and it can be dangerous. Keep in contact with people, even if they're not there to help.

Good luck sweetie, you can totally do it on your own. Husbands are a lot of help too when they're home....even if you have to beat them senseless to get them to help sometimes ;) hehe.
Helpful - 0
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