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377012 tn?1283965435

IS IT INSECURITIES!

lately i have been so tired that i am only doing the basic house duties (dishes, laundry, vacuuming, cooking) and dh has started complaining about it.......i was so tired that when we went out to eat a few nights ago that i was dosing off at our table! he doesn't understand how tired i have been because with ds i wasn't this tired! he told me that i needed to try to clean the rest of the house or he was going somewhere else to stay for a lil while! just a last month i started having dreams about him leaving me for someone else and in every dream he would tell me he wasn't ready for another child but yet the women he was with were also pregnant and very beautiful.....i am very in doubt about the way i look right now and to have these weird dreams makes it even worse.......i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11 Responses
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Avatar universal
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was so exhausted. All I wanted to do was eat and sleep, and taking care of our 3 year old didn't make life any easier. But despite being so tired and having absolutely no motivation, I still would get up and clean the house from top to bottom and take care of our son. It was weighing on me and it was becoming obvious. I just couldn't keep up with my "old" self. At first my hubby didn't get it. He assumed that because I had more energy when I was pregnant with our son, that I should have equal energy this time as well. He just didn't get how draining it was to take care of a house and a 3 y/o at the same time. It took me having a possible miscarriage to understand that what I was doing was putting too much stress on myself and our unborn child. Once that happened he began to realize that maybe there was more to it than just "having the energy". Ever since then I still try to do what I can, but to this day I am still threatened by pre-term labour. My doctor is very doubtful that I will make it to term, let alone to 36 weeks. Now when my hubby does get home and sees that our house has been cleaned top to bottom and what not, he actually fears that I am doing too much. I guess my point is, it takes serious situations for some men/people to realize what pregnancy does to our bodies and how serious it is for us to not over do it. I hope it doesn't come to that for you, and I hope your husband realizes how much you do for you and your family.
All I ask of you is to not blame yourself. You do what you can and pushing yourself could only result in some possible serious consequences. Some guys just don't get it, and if he is threatening to stay some where else for a little while, than he is just a *****. Maybe he should pick up some slack or just accept that the house may not be as clean as before for a little while. He's an @ss and no it is not your fault!
Best of luck!
Helpful - 0
783714 tn?1237997265
My whole pregnancy I have been so tired.I also found out I have arthritis which is a real pain in the arse.I have to have a clean house at all times but sometimes I just cant do anything.My husband actually gets mad at me when he sees me cleaning.He won't even let me pick up the laundry basket!I feel really lucky having him as my husband. Your husband wants a clean house then tell him to get on it! I mean telling you he's going to leave is bs in my opinion.
Helpful - 0
719902 tn?1334165183
Not to make excuses for him, but it is impossible men to understand how it feels to be pregnant!  I was SOO tired at the beginning of this pregnancy, worse then ever before.   (Probably because I am pregnant AND a mom of 3! LoL)  DH didn't really get it.  Anyway, I had to frequently remind him, who BTW complained about the time I spent on the internet (often on this site, hehe) that my body is working THREE TIMES HARDER than he is just by sitting on the couch!!! I am making a baby in there, for God's sake!  Now is the type to let your DH know he needs to pitch in, starting now and *continuing* after baby comes...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
By "They honestly don't get it" I was referring to MEN, not the previous commenters. FYI!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
They honestly don't get it. I doubt your husband is an awful ogre or anything like that. If he has issues with the cleanliness of his living arrangements then he honestly needs to step in and lend a helping hand. He does, afterall, help create messes too!

How to get that message across without soundling like a nagging you-know-what? That's the tough part because men can get so defensive and ugly when we ask them to pitch in. My advice is to use kindness. Say, "Oh honey, I really appreciate it when you help me _____ because I've been feeling so tired and ill lately! It really does mean the world to me. Do you think you'd be able to help me with ______ later?"

Honestly I don't know what else he wants you to clean? Dusting and mopping aren't exactly things you do every single day. So it sounds like you're hitting the basics! Do what you can do!
Helpful - 0
349463 tn?1333571576
Wow even nice guys can be such jerks when it comes to dealing with pregnancy. My dh is the best person I've ever known, but he's done some things so far that have made me stand back and shake my head.

When I was about 8 weeks I think my dh was giving me such a hard time about being sleepy and not cleaning the house or hanging out with him at night. I also wasn't cooking or running his errands anymore. It took all the energy I had to get up and take a shower. If I took a shower, got dressed, put on makeup, and walked down stairs I was ready for a nap.

Right at the same time I started having the same feelings that he was going to leave me for another woman who could be pregnant and still be the perfect wife to her husband, lol. I think the feelings you are having are normal. Get your dh to watch the pregnancy for dummies first trimester show with you or take him to a dr's appointment. Get him to understand that what you are going through takes a toll on your body. Then make sure to put the guilt screws to him once he figures it out. For my dh he had to talk to another guy that had kids. His wife went through the same thing and then my dh felt like a big jerk for putting me down. He doesn't dare say anything to me about cleaning anymore even though I do feel better ;-)

Good luck!
Helpful - 0
280369 tn?1316702041
I try to do the best I can around the house. I tell my hubby, please help me, because I am just so tired after chasing an 11 month old everywhere, trying to cook and clean, and it's very tiring as I puke every morning and I 'm just plain old tired all day. I also have to go outside and walk across the front of the house and 3 garages, just to get to laundry room! Talk about extra work. (we are renovating our house, so there is no laundry room in the house right now) He is starting to understand a little bit better, some days I won't cook dinner and ask him to prepare something and sometimes he does, which is a great help. He is not a great cook, but I taught him how to cook a few things and he is mastering those for now. =) Try to be patient with him and remember why you married him, even though it's hard at times. Just sit down and explain these things to him. Give him a little to-do list and see what he thinks he could accomplish for you. You shouldn't be responsible for every last thing, because you are not the only one living in the house, right? It should be a joint effort. The reason I say my hubby is coming around now is because today, out of the blue, he told me to write him a list and he would run to the store to get whatever I needed! I was in shock...he HATES shopping. So give him time, and try to be as gentle as possible with him, even though you may want to scream at him or even strangle him at times! I hope things get better for you soon. Don't stress yourself out, do what you can now, your pregnant!!  
Helpful - 0
377012 tn?1283965435
he's not usually like this but, lately he has been tired, having constant nausea, and bad mood swings...lol to tell you the truth i actually think he has sympathy symptoms...i dont know.....he called me a few minutes ago and asked me if i wanted to go out later just the 2 of us...i told him it just depended on the way i was feeling and he seemed to be okay with that........i cant really blame him for a lot he is going through some things right now as well.....uugghh..i think im gonna go home and lie down and let my mom watch ds for a few hours.....i may check in later!
Helpful - 0
689265 tn?1251130087
i'mnot impressed with your dh either. i'd tell him to sod off somewhere else personally
Helpful - 0
801715 tn?1237936526
I agree. He is being a unfair. If he don't like it then he needs to help. I was the same way before I got stuck in the hospital. I was too tired to do anything....and I mean anything. It was life didnt have any energy. I was not like this with my first either but it happens. No pregnancy is the same. I let my husband know I am not doing it, I'm tired.  He agreed to help on the weekends when he was off. Maybe you two can come up with your own plan.
Helpful - 0
461781 tn?1285609481
I was going to write a really nasty response towards your husband, but decided not to because you may feel bad.
I think he's being unfair, and you are a pregnant female and he has to understand that you are not at 100% capacity because you are growing a child in your belly.  
I wouldn't put up with that cr@p, if he wants the house spotless then he can pick up a rag and clean himself, I think you are doing the basics and that's good enough until you feel better.
Every pregnant woman feels insecure one way or another about the way they look, if it were easier to be pregnant I'm sure we'd all be on a special diet and exercising for two but we can't. But you don't need anyone else making you feel worse, especially not your husband.
My husband is not a doormat but he understands that sometimes I don't feel well and I can't as easily do the things that I used to do before.
Try and talk to him and explain to him how you feel...
Helpful - 0
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