O/t need desperate help for my nannying job...heeelllp

[Ashelen]

First of all I'm going to offer a blanket apology in case my "Judgment day" post offended anyone. It needed to be said, but I"m having a really bad day and it was sorta the last straw if you will. I started my nannying job this week, and it's been...rough, we'll just say. I need some advice. But first I need to give you guys an idea of why I'm so uber stressed so it makes a little more sense and I don't seem like a crybaby LOL.

First of all, we got a puppy and a kitten this last weekend. Stressful. And then I started my nannying job. AND I was just offered two writing jobs for the sister magazines Southern Living and Travel and Leisure...which is uber exciting but there just aren't enough hours in the day so I'm stressed as well about that.

So on to my question now that you guys understand why I'm a little edgy (which is totally out of character for me)....the girl I nanny for cries -all- -the- -time-. I know she's getting used to my place so I'm very calm and I try to help her and relax her and make her feel safe but OMG. I've never known a baby to cry that much...EVER. My kids were never criers. I just don't know what to do. after the 17th (yes I counted) time today she burst into tears for ABSOLUTELY no reason I caught myself holding her up and staring at her like she was some sort of alien...I had no idea what to do. I tried food, I tried cuddling, I tried games, I tried movies, I tried books, I tried everything under the sun....and I adore her parents so I know it's not just shoddy parenting. I think she's just a generally fussy child...she doesn't even smile a lot when her parents are here. Although she's adorable LOL.

But what do I do for a crier?! I mean I still have to care for my two during the day so I can't just cater to her every single cry....but if I put her down or even THINK about moving away from her, she SCREAMS. and I don't mean "wa you're leaving me..." I mean "OH MY GOD ITS THE END OF THE WORLD WAAAAAA"....and because my babies weren't/aren't criers (yes I know I'm blessed) i just have no idea what to do and her screaming stresses me out.

tips...advice..HELP?! she's 10 months btw.

[mom2ariana]

is it possible she has separation anxiety? 10 months tends to be around the age that they get it. thats what it sounds like to me, the way that she fell asleep as soon as you laid her on the couch.
also they are probably surprised she is asleep because THEY probably coddle her more and therefore she doesn't cry as much and therefore isn't as tired. NOT saying you SHOULD coddle her. what they are doing is probably only making the situation worse. this is all just an assumption btw...i don't want to crack on their parenting or your nannying skills, thats not my intention!!  :)
now that i suggested its separation anxiety im not really sure how to help with that lol. i haven't gotten to that age yet. but if you think its a possibility you could always do a quick google search of that and see what other moms/pediatricians suggest!! i hope things look better!!

perhaps a walker so she can follow you around on her own? just a thought

[Limonada]

p.s. our former babysitter wasn't a "nanny" - the payment I stated above is on the high end of the going rate here for home daycare providers.  Some charge $25 per day....some as much as $40.

[Limonada]

I just wanted to add.....

You may have already spoken to the parents, but my two cents, as someone who works outside the home and has to rely on others (either home daycare or a daycare centre) to care for my kids while DH and I are at work, I'd just approach this with care - as I'm sure you are, based on who YOU are and the fact that this is a friend's child.  No one likes to hear that their child is "difficult" or "too hard to handle" or anything along those lines.....Whenever our home daycare provider would say something along those lines, it would make me bristle.  Especially because she wasn't always careful about how she worded things or her tone when she said them.  I'll give you an example.....when Daniel was still very recently toilet trained, he had an accident at his babysitter's house.  When I came to get him, I noticed he was in his "back up" pair of pants and before I could even ask what had happened, she's thrusting a plastic bag at me which contained his soiled underwear and pants and was telling me that she'd had this brutal day and that he'd had this accident to top it all off and that she "couldn't handle it".  

I don't doubt that watching children is difficult work - I KNOW it is...these year long mat leaves have given me a taste of that...and I know that I'm personally much happier working outside of the home.  But what irked me about our babysitter having these occasional outbursts was that she'd almost be insinuating that something was "wrong" with Daniel.  We were paying her well ($35 per day, 5 days per week) to watch him and, besides being a mom of 3 herself, she had her ECE (Early Childhood Education) accreditation.  

Everyone has bad days at work....but the difference between our former babysitter and my husband and I is that we couldn't vent to our employers when we'd had a bear of a day - well, we COULD....but we'd be told where to go if we didn't like it, lol!

Anyway...that was a bit of rant - I guess I needed to get it out - but I'm in NO WAY trying to compare you to our former babysitter, Ivy!  This little girl is SO LUCKY to have you, as are her parents!!  I guess I was just trying to provide the perspective of the parent who has to entrust someone else with the care of their children :)

Like I said, I hope that things are going better today and that she's adjusting and becomes less and less clingy and, in turn, more sure of herself at your house :))

[Limonada]

I hope things are going better for you today, Ivy....I really do!

G is much more fussy than Daniel was....more of a suck overall, so I can sort of relate.  Between teething (which he's been doing, seemingly nonstop, for the last 2 months) and getting the second dose of his flu shot yesterday, he hasn't been in very good humour lately. Plus I think he's got another cold.  He really doesn't have much patience for much, and wants to be held A LOT.  And the only toys that interest him seem to be his big brothers....ESPECIALLY things that he shouldn't be playing with (he has a particular fondness for chewing on crayons...ugh...and doesn't appreciate it when I try to redirect him to a more appropriate activity).

I agree with speaking to the little girl's parents...but I also honestly believe that she's just adjusting...and it may take her a good couple of weeks to settle in.  Not only are you a new caregiver (even if she already knows you, it's different when you're looking after her all day and her parents are absent) but she's also in a new environment.  Some children are just extremely sensitive to changes to their routine.  Even as a newborn (and one that could see less well than his peers because he'd had cataract surgery), Daniel could tell when he wasn't at home...and he fussed more than usual and seemed unsettled.  A 10 month old is at that point where they make strange, remembering who Mom and Dad are and realizing - and sometimes reacting - when they aren't there.  

Daniel took a good 2-3 weeks straight of being at his first daycare environment (a home daycare) before he wasn't crying at dropoff time or periodically teary throughout the day.  I'm expecting G to go through something similar when he starts at a daycare centre in the new year.  

So...speak to her parents, but this may just be something that you need to tough out, as hard as it is.

Good luck....I hope today is a MUCH better day for you and her!! :))

[SunWorshiper_26]

I'm so sorry you have a screaming alien baby :( it's hard at a certain point to not cry too. I had a nanny job with a baby who did that too and he would scream when he wanted anything. He was two at the time and old enough that I could verbally tell him he wasn't going to get anything until he stopped screaming. It was hard the first few things but then he learned to ask nicely and he shall receive. I don't usually believe in children crying it out especially babies but there is a fine line like you said. Hopefully too this child will get used to your house and then won't scream so much. Maybe try background noise too like soft music or something?

Hugs!!  Good luck tomorrow

[fami_mas]

That's great, I'm planning to use it with my child to be as well :)
I think u r right when saying that she might be spoiled, when children notice that they have the upper hand, they milk the cow :)

I really wish things will get better soon, good luck

[Ashelen]

Thanks fami I've done baby sign language with both of my kids but this girl's parents said that she wasn't interested in learning it. I honestly think it's a spoiling thing with her...she realizes that she gets control by crying, so she does it...she's old enough to do it at this point.

I appreciate the suggestion though :-) it really helped out with my daughter and even though she spoke early compared to her peers the sign language filled in a lot of gaps.

[fami_mas]

This might sound astrange to u, but u can use the baby signing language. Babies never cry without a reason, we just can't understand what they want which makes the baby and us more uncomfortable

Baby sign language gives the baby the freedom of expressing his/her self, this way the crying will be minimised

U can go online for lessons in baby sign language which is super easy, or u can download some applications on ur iPhone if u have one

It's a real peace of mind

[Ashelen]

Thanks Tab! and thank you for the tips, Heather! i appreciate it!

Sun: I know...it's awful. I can't imagine someone raising their kids that way. I dont do the cry-it-out method and I definitely don't believe in ignoring your kids cries...but there's a fine line to walk between answering instantly and BEING THERE if the kid needs you, you know? my kids have never been left to "cry it out" before and never will be but they also realize that crying is not the way to get things...

I just got so frustrated because I would literally like...hm..example..I would shift the way I was sitting because my legs were cramping and she'd burst into ear-piercing screams. or my daughter would walk across the room in her field of vision and she'd get horribly angry...I was just shocked. I've never had to deal with a kid that had such a volatile attitude before.  

But like when I put her down for the nap I just sat down next to the pack'n'play so she could see me through the mesh, and quietly kept reassuring her "i'm here, you're safe, but you have to get used to this in this house...you can't be held every second, darlin, I'm sorry" and I just repeated that over and over even though she doesn't understand (it helped My sanity, lol)...but eventually I was so tired of the screaming (TOTALLY not used to that!!!!) that I picked her up and put her on the couch next to me where she promptly fell asleep.

ugh. i'm almost dreading tomorrow...I really really hope this gets better because like I said I adore the parents and we need the money so I would hate to have to be like "I just can't take your kid's screaming..I'm sorry..you have to find another nanny" but at the same time I'm a very VERY (did I mention "very"?) quiet, laid-back person and neither of my kids are loud so when I've got this screaming...ALIEN...in my house it's like I get nervous and stressed and I feel totally out of my league.

Deep breath. DH will be home tomorrow because his department is doing some sort of maintenance that means the equipment that he uses will be out of commission tomorrow so luckily I won't be alone...I can watch her and DH can focus on our kids. But I really hope I make it through the day without bursting into tears MYSELF, lol.

Thanks ladies..I will talk to her mom tomorrow.

[SunWorshiper_26]

If you come to the child every time they cry they will learn to cry for attention. Children (at a certain age) will have to learn to just deal. If their needs are met that is all you can do but you cannot physical be at their side every moment. You have your own children (and four pawed children) to take care of too. Hopefully this child will soon learn screaming doesn't get attention and hopefully in the mean time you don't lose your mind bc OMG I know that is enough to make you want to pull your hair out (I'm a nanny while finishing my PhD).

Good luck!!

[HeatherLF16]

when I say ignore the cries I don't just let him cry...lol.  I just don't respond to them like say "oh poor baby" or anything like that.  I pick him up and try to just turn his little frown upside down...(cheesy line I know lol) I don't acknowledge it just try to get him to smile instead.

[HeatherLF16]

Maybe try more interactive things and give her a big party when she does something.  Today I put on youtube and ran every single kid song I could think of Sesame Street Theme Song, BINGO the dog, old McDonald.  I sang with him and clapped when he was fussy and it worked for about 45 minutes...lol.  Everytime he tried to clap or touch my hands, sing the songs, I would give him tons of praise.  This is something that you can do with all of the kids =)

[HeatherLF16]

I have a crier on my hands, and I have often asked myself the same question.  He is a happy and great baby... until he wants something that I can't get fast enough then the world is over and he cries like he is in severe pain until he gets it...lol.  I am surprised my neighbors haven't called CPS with the way he cries.
**quick example when he wakes in the AM I always change his diaper first (he is in it for 8 hours plus) and he cries every single time screams, makes it hard for me to dress him flailing his arms and legs, then calms when he gets what he wants which is the bottle. I hope he picks up on this one soon.. and catches on to the routine

The only thing I do is try to catch it before he gets worked up and read his cues, which in your case is going to take a little time if she a fussy one.  Like if I know he is going to be hungry soon I don't wait for him to cry... I just make his bottle and have it waiting to avoid his crying.  

Was she with a nanny prior to you?  Or is this her first experience away from her mom for an extended period of time?  Maybe that is it?

Another thing I notice with Franky is he is very, very talkative.  If you are talking to him he tries to answer back, if you sing he tries to hum or sing along, when he is in a great mood he will try to talk your ear off and laugh at his own jokes.  I think he is a capable person trapped in a baby body (which is exactly how my mom described me as a baby) and I think he gets frustrated that he can't do what he wants yet.  Crying is all he knows so he will cry just to cry sometimes... to hear his own voice... and because he is frustrated (he also does it if he can't reach a toy ect).  So, when he does accomplish something I give tons of praise he gets happy and just try to ignore the cries.

[blueeyedtabbycat]

Thats tough! I dont have any answers either:( Maybe talking with her mom will help, I hope you gets some answers. Maybe she needs more stimulation?? Good luck Ivy!! I need help trying to get my 3.5 year old daycare kid to use the potty:( Its really hard when its not your own kid.

[Ashelen]

Thank you so much Laura you're right I'm going to try to contact the mom and talk to her about it...and yes she's eating fine and no she's not gassy I checked both of those :(. She actually naps BETTER at my house than she does at home apparently, and they're always surprised to come pick her up and she's asleep.

As for the writing, I was offered the opportunity through an acquaintance of mine. It's small change to begin with but with time gets better, and any $$ helps right now :-).

but thanks and you're right I'll talk to her mom...no, she uses her thumb no bink

[LauraB78]

I wish I could offer some great miracle advice, but unfortunately, some babies are just criers.. Jaxson was a crier and it made me feel like I was a crazy person by the end of the day sometimes. It's enough to get even the most patient caregiver out of sorts. I am sure you already thought of/have tried these types of things, but just some ideas.. Is she gassy? Is she napping at your house for the same duration of time she does at home? Is she eating ok?

I feel for you. That IS a difficult situation and even more so for you likely because it isn't your child. Maybe talk to the childs Mom and see if she has any suggestions or maybe just to get the answer "yes, my child cries a lot and is often completely inconsoleable." Then you know..

As far as the writing job goes... DO TELL.. That is pretty cool and how'd you get selected for such a "gig?" What do you get to write about?

GL with the baby; Hopefully you all get used to each other soon and she stops crying all.the.time!

PS- Does the child use a binky?