OT--How do you say no w/o feeling like a meanie?

[HaYnSweetie]

Normal people look forward to paydays, me on the other hand dread paydays! I mean yes i love getting paid, BUT i always know my husbands phone will be ringing non-stop throughout the day. His family calls us all the time for money! Especially his moms brothers! He is the youngest of 4 and his brothers who are 30, 32 & 34 are coonstantly calling us for money. Before we moved in together he was always sending money to his family which would leave him dirt broke! I usually paid for everything when we went out or bought him things he needed for work...like work shirts or new uniform pants, socks etc. Well now that we are married and have a baby on the way i have been puting my foot down! He tells me his uncle or brother calls and all i say is "how much are they asking for THIS time!?" Then he asks me if its ok if he sends some money...my usual response is..."we have a baby on the way, we cant afford to keep supporting YOUR family." He once told me that his uncles told his mom to tell him not to get married because he wont be sending any more money to them! Like seriously WTF!?! They told his mom that he joined the military to support her and the family, not run off and start his own! Everytime i think about this i get so angry and when i see them calling my husbands phone i just want to push ignore, but i dont. I just give my husband the "dont EVEN ask me" face. They know we just got married, we are expecting a baby and yet they still never hesitate to call for money! Last month his uncle called to remind my husband that his birthday was coming up...i could give a rats a** about his birthday, but i went with my husband to buy him a gift to send anyway. We bought him a digital camera and some new shoes like he had asked for. Well when he got the box he called my husband and said "what no money? its my birthday!" UGH i was so angry i just left the room! Then we find out the shoes werent for him they were for his new girlfriends son! And the camera...he broke instantly and then had the nerve to ask for a new one! I told my husband h*ll NO!

Well this morning before either of us got up for work his brother calls asking for money...the one that was here for our wedding...my husband told him he'll call back because he was going to talk to me first and i heard his brother say "youre the man, you dont have to ask her anything!" Yes i was getting ready to grab that phone and cuss him out! Not only did he run up our phone/cable bill to $488, but now hes asking for money AGAIN! When he was here, he made international calls to New Zealand and come to find out he ordered 10 pay per view p0rn movies on our tv while everyone was sleeping that cost $12.99/movie! I was so angry because my husband tried to hide it from me so i wouldnt get mad at his brother! I told my husband that he shouldnt hide things because i ALWAYS find out! THEN his other brother that lives in Samoa calls not even 5 minutes later asking if we could "help" pay part of his airfare to New Zealand...im already angry at this point so my husband tells his brother we dont have the money because we just did all our Christmas shopping. His brother then says "take back the PS3 your wife bought you and send me the money!" I didnt say anything...i just stared at the wall, i could feel my face getting hot from being so angry! My husband told him he cant cause i bought it with my credit card then he says "cant you ask her parents for money?! Or tell your father in law to sell 1 of the 5 cars he has sitting in his driveway!"
At this point i am cussing up a storm! How dare he even ask my husband to ask my parents for money! Who gives a crap if they have money, they too have bills!
My husband has such a good heart and he is always willing to give even if he doesnt have much, so its hard for him to say no to his family but enough is enough!

Have any of you dealt with something like this? And how do you say no without feeling like the bad guy? Sometimes i tell my husband "ok, i guess you can send them money" if i know we have some extra money, but when i do say no i feel so guilty...not because we didnt send money, but the look on my husbands face makes me feel so bad. I just dont know what to do anymore.

[wannabeamama6]

i agree. though you have to becarefull how you work that with your kids! my mom is a flat out plan B!tch. When my sister was like 20 she saved 1000 dollars for a are and my mom paid 2000 for her to get a brand new car. When i called her the other day and asked if she was willing to do the same for me. She flat out said no! Me and df have a car but it's taking sh!t and it's the car that had been handed down from my eldst sister. It just makes me so mad! she use to pay my eldest sisters phone bill when she couldn't but she'd never do that for us.

my sister loaned me money to get a part for my car when it broke BUT we got paid the NEXT day AND at the time I was driving HER kids where they needed to go bc hers was broken down.

[ammanda]

well i said that cause someone stated that they wouldnt even help there own kids

[Ashelen]

your kids are different ammanda. if my kids ever need something I will help them if they are responsible with their money.

[Ashelen]

Well one time we asked my husband's brother and his wife for $15 for gas to visit family (we were all going out there together and not getting paid until the next day)...they said no and then went and bought $30 of food at McDonalds. no big deal, it's their  money, we budgeted poorly...our bad. A little irritating since it's only $15 but not a huge problem.

THEN they run up a $700 phone bill and ask to pay for it when they've charged it to credit and are afraid of owing more interest. UM SORRY NO. You wouldn't lend us $15, and we avoid having a credit card to stay out of debt. if you feel like you can spend ridiculously, have 3 cards for a 2-driver family, a bigger house than you can afford, and eat out 6 out of 7 days of the week...you can dig your own holes and find your own d*mned way out.

Then later our BIL came to live with us for a week when he and his wife were planning on a divorce. We didn't see a penny despite putting him up and paying for his food for all of his meals and me sending him with food to work since he was going ot be getting a divorce and needed to save his money.


family can be obnoxious. I'd just turn my phone off the day before payday and keep it off until a few days later. anyone needing money from you will have to find it elsewhere. in their own paychecks, mayhaps?!

[ammanda]

I agree about not lending someone money, but if my son needed a co signer i dont think I could tell him no...

[HaYnSweetie]

Lol i agree g8r grl! I rarely lend money to anyone, except my sisters and its usually like $20 or something. But his family is ridiculous...i do see that we are being used, im just not sure if he sees it! I can live without them, im just not sure if he can.