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3563117 tn?1348679646

Proper discipline.

My bfs child is 3 years old. He comes over every other weekend . He is such a great kid, & very smart for his age. When he comes over he tends to cuss a lot. Any word you can think of he says. He knows its bad. He immediately says sorry so he doesn't have to sit in time out. His mouth is filthy. We don't cuss in front of him and we know rules at his mothers house aren't enforced like they are here, which makes disciplining harder. It's ok there but not here. What is the best way to go about this. Time out use to work. now he could careless and he'd prolly sit there  for hours.  When he's mad he hits himself and talks back. Any suggestions?
15 Responses
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Avatar universal
Jus ignore him e nos es gettin attention for it so ignore him like e asnt said it n distract him
Helpful - 0
3563117 tn?1348679646
All of these are helpful. And we explain why bad words are bad. We reward him on good behavior. We take away his favorite toys. He turns around and says I don't want that toy anyways. We tell him no and he cries and cries. Then all the sudden stops. It's obvious it's for attention. I'm ur in feb. and I'm afraid that if he keeps il with the whole jealous thing my child won't get as much attention from his father. When I go to hug tj goodnight or I go sit by him dalton will stop what he's Doug and climb all over tj . Completely cut me off. He doesn't like his attention on other kids or he will throw a fit. I understand he is three but he does no better and his mother has made statements before saying that's how she raised him and good luck having another child cus dalton won't even let her touch other kids. I feel that's very selfish.
Helpful - 0
4020799 tn?1355825570
Make sure u get on top of this asap. Try get his mum on the same page.... i was in a similar situation, my bfs son was very spoilt and his mum would rather buy him stuff than spend any time with him, he was left to his own devices and was never discaplined. At my house he had rules, bed time and knew where his boundries were, he also had a lot of time spent with him but was never spoilt materialisticly. Now hes 12 and in high school, his behaviour is now totally out of control and his mum cant control him, he has had detention every night after school since the end of september (after being at the school for 3 weeks). His mum is now getting social services involved because she cant cope.
Helpful - 0
3588173 tn?1357317184
My mom used to make me gargle with peroxide or listerine when i would cuss when I was little. I hated the Listerine cause it burnt so bad
Helpful - 0
583196 tn?1429221155
hey,
i have a three year old too and he was getting into swear words too. he really liked the B word. so what i did was explained it to him. that what he was saying was a word to describe a female dog. that a boy dog is a dog and that a girl dog is called a b**** and that a baby dog is a puppy. and then i said, now why are you saying female dog over and over again? is there a dog in the house? are you calling someone a dog?? do you think its nice to call someone a dog? No, its not nice and it doesn't make sense. Please stop saying that word. he stopped saying it completely. kids are smart and if you explain to them why they are bad words and that half the time it makes no logical sense, they stop. after about 2 days with other bad words and explaining we are left with the bad word of stupid. but he says it when things are actually stupid so it at least it makes sense.
the other thing is that children are amazingly adaptable. they will behave differently from person to person. you have to set up your own rules and regulations at your place. you have to sit him down, look him in the eye and tell him you expected more from him, that you are disappointed to hear such a bright boy use such degrading words and that you think he can do better. that at your place you respect each other and use your words wisely and lovingly there. keep it short cause they lose focus quickly. then every time you hear him say a bad word look at him with a disappointed face and tell him again that you expect nice words, not angry words like that.
when you see him hit himself when he's upset, its a coping mechanism and you need to help him get out of that. for a while my son was hitting himself on the head, like a "duh" moment sort of thing. i told him that i love him, that mistakes happen and to not be ashamed or upset and to please not hurt himself because he is precious to me and it makes me sad to see him hurt himself. again, when he does it and you catch him, look at him sadly and touch the spot he hit and say 'now that wasn't nice, i love you, please be nice to yourself'  i would say this is normal for a child his age and you just need to support him and show him other ways to deal with his angst. tell him he can punch his mattress or pillow if he feels the need, but not himself.
sorry my answer was so long, i hope i was somewhat helpful.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Brush his teeth with soap!

Or put a dash of tobasco sauce in his mouth everytime he does it. Whether his mother approvesof that punishment or not is irrelevant. If it is HIS biological child as well he can discipline him in any way he sees fit.
Helpful - 0
3763041 tn?1354906251
replace swear words with silly words that he might RATHER use!! that way he isn't exactly getting punished, just redirected. I made the mistake at laughing at my daughter when she was 1 cause she would fall over and go "OH SH!T!" lol it was funny for a bit, but then it wasn't funny it was naughty, but it wasn't her fault she was exposed to it, it was MY fault. so we switched it to "oh spaghetti!" she loves it and still uses it and its so cute. replace the "b word" with banana, "f" word with fudge, etc. this is something he will take with to his mothers home and might even encourage her to use these words instead of the real swears.

as for cleaning up toys, grab up a clean garbage bag and throw them away. he will cry and whine, when he does, dump them back onto the floor and say "fine but you better clean them up fast before I do it again!".. works like a charm, and when he is testing to see if you will do it, DO IT! you can always retrieve them later on at bed time.  once he starts cleaning up when asked, get him the "clean up clean up" song on a cd so that he can have some fun with it.

good luck. remember to redirect instead of yell and punish. MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE :)
Helpful - 0
3563117 tn?1348679646
Thank you all and yes I don't doubt for one second his mother wants him to talk like that but when talking to him over the phone, he has said some things and she laughs about it. We have brought it to her attention before and she says she cusses one minute then another day it's she doesn't cuss at all and he's just smart for his age. Well no kid is going to speak like that unless they are exposed to it.  Another problem, when my bf hugs me good bye or kisses me dalton throws a fit. Says he wants to go home and acts like a total brat. He says no a lot . We tell him to pick up his toys. He says he doesn't have to. He doesn't want to or he doesn't feel good. It's always an excuse. We stick to punishments but not sure his mother does. We have picked him up numerous times and he has ran out the house with forks and knives in his hands or jumping off the top of the couch. No structure and its sad. We don't want to yell but raising our voice is the only way he pays attention.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ya the whole tobasco thing would be fine if he were your kid and I'm sure his mom is okay with him getting time outs from you but I doubt she would be pleased if you did the tobasco treatment.  I know I would not let someone else discipline my kid that way.  I would just make him sit in time out anyway even if he says sorry. Just explain to him that he can't use sorry to get away with saying bad words.  And if he continues after three times (warning everytime) take away his favourite toy or something for the rest of the day.  And just stick time what you say.  Make sure time outs are away from anything entertaining.  I know it's obvious but I've seen kids in "time out" with toys!!
Helpful - 0
4287262 tn?1358999012
My mom always did the soap trick but once that became "inhumane" she did the tobasco trick and trust me i learn real quick lol
Helpful - 0
4384146 tn?1355351510
Curses. He might realize that it's not working. That is tough tho when the Mom isn't doing her part on the matter. You may try talking to her about it too. Surely she doesn't want him speaking that way.when he starts school.
Helpful - 0
4384146 tn?1355351510
Is it possible that he does it for the attention? If so you may try ignoring it completely, don't give him any attention unless he speaks politely to you. If he is cursing to get yours or his dads attention, punishing or reacting at all may be only perpetuating it. Just pretend he isn't there when he
Helpful - 0
4165941 tn?1353988628
Take away things he likes most, like he won't get a snack after dinner using bad words, or little boys who use bad words don't get to play with their toys, watch cartoons, or go outside to play. Just show him bad behavior gets no rewards.
Helpful - 0
4122185 tn?1358446749
Maybe say something along the line of 'big boys don't talk like that' & offer him some small rewards for good behavior & good language, like maybe shopping for his favorite 'big boy' underwear if he wants to be like daddy. Try to build him up positively because any 3 year old who talks that way continuously is because that is what he's hearing continuously. However he should suffer some form of light punishment for speaking that way, but i'd be reaching more for positives reinforcement.
Helpful - 0
4251679 tn?1370305531
Oh my. What a situation. Maybe if you make him eat something he doesn't like everytime he says something bad. Kinda like the old soap trick, just more humane!
Helpful - 0
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