Has anyone had a termination after finding out their baby had severe Turner's Syndrome?

[Karolina81]

I have posted this message as a comment on a different thread but i wanted to also start it as a new topic. I am not writing this to get sympathy but because i want to hear other peoples stories so that i don't feel so alone and so that i know there are others like myself and my husband. I would really appreciate hearing from any of you .
My husband and I so desperately wanted a family and had been trying for well over a year without any lucky. We were beginning to feel disheartened and thought that maybe we just couldn't conceive naturally. Then a miracle happened and i fell pregnant. Funnily enough the day i found out i was pregnant was also the day that i received a letter to say that we could now start fertility treatment. The fact that we had been trying for so long meant that our baby was all the more special to us. However, i became very ill about 3 weeks into the pregnancy and suffered from Hyperemisis. I spent the next 10 weeks being taken into hospital for days at a time to be treated. The hospital kept saying that the baby was fine and all was well. My husband and i then went for a scan and this is when we found out that actually all was not well. It was clear to us straight away before anyone said anything that something didn't look quite right on the screen. There was a huge amount of fluid around the head and stomach. We were told straight away that this pregnancy was highly unlikely to go full term or even another week and that our baby was very sick. We were referred to a specialist who did a CVS to confirm if it was Turners and we were told that our little baby would be lucky to have a 5% survival rate. The results came back and they confirmed it was indeed Turner's. We decided that the kindest thing to do was to stop our baby suffering as she had already had to fight so hard. Whether people think we made the right decision or not is up to them. Trust me it wasn't a decision made lightly! I had a termination at 15 weeks under general anesthetic and our baby girl Carina was born asleep on 10th September 2010. There is not a day that goes by that we don't think of her or miss her. She will never be forgotten and always loved. I was so devastated that i even thought of taking my own life as i felt that i should be with her but then i thought about my husband and how selfish that would have been of me. Some people find it hard to understand why i feel the way i do as it's not like i had gone full term. Regardless of this, to me she is still my daughter and loved just as much as if i had gone full term. I would have done anything i could to protect her and that included not letting her suffer. I am so grateful to my husband for all the support he has given me as other family members have not been the same. I am looking into counselling as i have not been coping and when i told my mother this (hoping for some support) she said "do you not think you are making a bigger deal over this than it really is. When you have another baby you'll forget this ever happend'. WRONG!!! this is a big deal and no i will not forget! All i have is my imagination on how she would have looked. It hurts so much not know what colour her eyes she would have had, what colour her hair would have been, what she smelt like and felt like to hold etc.. Even though i was so ill throughout the pregnancy i miss being pregnant and i would do anything to be pregnant again with her. As much as i want a family i am now so scared to become pregnant because all i can think about is something will go wrong and i never want to feel this much pain and heartache again. Even though i know Turner's is not genetic and the likelyhood of this happening again is so remote i just can't help thinking maybe something else would go wrong.
Sorry if i've rambled for so long but there are just so many emotions and i'm still feeling so confused by all that has happend.

[bhenneker]

My daughter was born at 18wks Sept.02.2010 at 1:05am-2:41am and she was everything to me I understand how you feel about your mother saying what she said my mother said the same, that I just need to get over it b/c I wasn't even close to my due date.Then on the other hand my mother in law is so caring, understanding and supportive about Sloane death my borther in laws child was born at 22wks Aug. 2009 b/c she had edward sydrome she passed the day before my sister in law was induced. My mother in law has dealt with so much this last year and right before my daughter was born we starting getting along and I am now so greatful for her to be in my life. I have always felt that your mother should be there and support you and give you a sholder to cry on but since Sloanes passing it has been the person who I couldn't handle for the life of me. But there is no way we can just get over it we can deal with it and heal from it but no matter what our children on earth with us or in heaven waiting for us are still our children and we will always love them and think of them. I know where you are coming from with the whole wanting to go and be with her I said the same thing moments after my daughter died in my arms not knowing that a nurse was walking in the door and then told the doctor who was debating to keep me in hospital care or to send me home. My view was my other 3 children had someone on earth to care for them but Sloane had no one,

I hope you start to feel better. Good luck with everything you do.

[Cassandrajane]

'Don't Cry Because It's Over, Smile Because It Happened'
You're able to make a life, you gave her a chance...

everything is going to be okay!

xx

[rdh1981]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your story with us and your beautiful daughter. I too have a Baby Angel. My son Cooper passed away when he was 7wks old. He was born (full term) with a heart condition called HLHS. I am the one Spade was talking about. I started the group Baby Angels and I would be more than happy to have you join.

I really suggest you find a support group, sharing your feelings with those that know your pain can really aid you down your road of recovery.

Your little girl will always be your first and I know that one day you will tell her little brothers and sisters all about her.

If you need to talk please to do not hesitate!

Just let you know my son Cooper blessed us with his little bro Cruz! Cruz is almost 14 months and perfectly healthy!! A little nutty, but happy and healthy! : )

Rachel

[Karolina81]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support it means a lot to the both of us. You are all courageous and strong women and your individual stories have helped me know i am not alone. Although we have lost we will never stop loving our precious baby and your kind words give us hope for the future. I will seek professional help but please note that you have all helped the healing process with your words of encouragement and support. Thank you again xx

[spade22]

Thanks for being courageous enough to share your story.

I know several people who have suffered losses during and after pregnancy and counseling is definetly an integral part to the healing process.

Your mother is wrong.  This is a BIG deal and you will ALWAYS have a place in your heart for Carina.  You will never forget her and she can never be replaced.  The chances of something going as devastatingly wrong as they did with your lad pregnancy are very slim.

  There are several women who have lost their children before or shortly after birth that
have gone on to have healthy children who frequent these forums.  Rachel (rdh1981) is one example has has a support group called baby angels that she has set up on medhelp.

[Cassandrajane]

There are so many people around agencies... I went to one myself ONCE... I thought I was strong enough to get through it myself.. I really wish I kept at it!!
I am always here if you need to talk :) So are many otherss

xx

[SunWorshiper_26]

I agree, professional help can help so very much. Though I'm finishing up my PhD to be a psychologist and I'm already licensed as a therapist so I'm a little bias in thinking therapy is great ;)

[Cassandrajane]

You're so so so strong, I myself have had a termination for medical reasons... I was anorexic and 5 stone, didnt find out I was pregnant untill 22 weeks..., This was Nov last year, I am now 6 months preg :) after a miscarriage as well but got preg in the same week...
You will heal from this..... Have you tried professonal help? This IS very benifital and DOES help alot... trust me! :)
You are very very very very strong :)...

xx

[SunWorshiper_26]

You are so very strong!  I just had my 20 week scan and they found baby to have echogenic bowel which could be nothing, a virus, CF, DS, Turners really anything so I had to have an amnio right away and bloodwork. We are in the two week wait to get results back. It's very stressful but hearing your story makes me feel like I'm not alone. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you heal from this tragedy.