omg! i feel like a terrible person :(

[BabyTurnip]

So for awhile my great-grandma has been suffering from alzeihmer (i have no idea how to write that sorry) and she has water on her lungs and she probably has had like 30heart attacks. She technically should of died 4months, but because she wrote her will after she started losing her mind they don't consider it legimite and left it up to the family, who for some selfish reason didnt want to let her go in peace!!!! (im totally against that. I beliebe if its someones time then to just let them go up peacefully.) Well its such a horrible coincidence that for the last four months that poor woman has been suffering and now, i only have 10days left until my due date and now the family is saying that she's magically gotten better and that it must be because she's holding on the see the 5th generations. Is that just freaking selfish????? And now they decided that on her nect heart attack the will finally give her morphine and let her go peacefully!!! Shes been suffering for years!! And now they want to make a party for the baby as a '5th generation' party and they are all telling me that the moment i feel better we're goimg over. Did i forget to add that this family is six hours away!!!! I cant tell them no, i love my great-grandma and i do want her to see my son its just shes really sick, shes bearly holding on and i feel like i have to force myself to get back on my feet as fast as possible just to please everyone! I feel horrible for not wanting to drive six hours with a newborn to see family. I feel horrible for not wanting people to hold him let alone my weak ill greatgrandma :( im scared shell drop him! Beside my greatgrandma and a few others, 90% of that side of the family ive been avoiding for personnal reason. I dont want everyone to hold him, i dont want him to get sick, i dont want to do a six hour ride with a newborn, i dont want to feel like i have to rush to get better, i just feel lost and horrible for thinking like this. In a way i just my greatgrandma to leave peacefully now! Is that so bad? She lost her husband almost 15yrs ago, shes been alone all this time, her kids drove her out of her own house and but her in retirement homes just so they could get the money from all the land. She's wanted to die since the first heart attack, she doesnt want to fight anymore but they force her to stay alive with a gazillion medicine but the wont give hr anything for the pain up until just recently. I mean, she doesnt know who i am, she doesnt remember most people anymore, shes probably scared and alone! I really dont think she would want me to rush myself back to health and do such a long drive with a week old baby just for her sack. If she was herself she would want me to take my time, but shes not herself! And here i am, crying my heart out because i really dont want to do this!

I mean i do...i want to see her and want her to meet my son but.....i thought i would at least get a month to rest and get into a good routine and family time with my hubby abd my son. I dont know if im explaining all of this properly, it may come out the wrong way, but i feel like a witch. I feel so horrible inside for not wanting to do this. My grandpa passed away in april but before he died everyone told me he was much better and would nake it to see my son, but he didnt.....and now everyone is saying the same for my greatgrandma but nobody realises how hard itll be on me. And i feel like it shouldnt matter because obviously no one else cares!

If anyone has the heart to even read that far, thank you so much....this is really just a vent and anger and sadness built up that needed to come out. My hubby listens but he has nothing to say really. He just holds me and tells me itll be okay. Sorry its so long :( i have a lot on my heart today

[BabyTurnip]

Thank you! I just feel so selfish but at the same time i feel like its my job to be selfish and want to protect my son. If my greatgrandma could do the drive down then i wouldnt mind much but she cant. And i get that! But i cant do the drive up either :(

[jessileanne]

All i can say is *huggles* you arent horrible for it at all.

[BabyTurnip]

I want to tell them how horrible they all are! I just want them to feel half of what shes going threw. That poor woman. I dont know why people would do that? Why would people even want to see their loved one suffer for ages? I will try tuesday and talk to my dad. Thank you so much. I know it was a long post but im glad that somebody understands how i feel

[Lilseamonkey]

Ok phone enough typos grandkids not grandiose

[Lilseamonkey]

Exactly not recently.

[Lilseamonkey]

I know recently how you feel. My aunt dragged my grandpa away from his home is Florida, put his wife in a home, and left him in a hospice here to die. And is now taking in the cash from what money he had in his account and the life insurance. She basically killed him. He was in there all alone because of her and he couldn't eat or do anything for himself, it's like he was dying from a broken heart. He was fine in Florida, as soon as he got here, he was sick as a dog and couldn't remember anyone. Ugh. He held out long enough to see all us grandiose then just have up. It's not fair what they're doing to your great grandma. And it's not fair to you that they're forcing her to stay alive and suffer until you can get your son over there. I'd let them all know how horrible they are for putting that on you. I'm sorry they're doing this it's rotten. And you're not a bad person for not wanting to go. It's compromising you and your sons health. Talk to your dad, he might talk some sense into your mother

[BabyTurnip]

Omg! Thank you! Ive been crying for hours because i feel horrible about how i was thinking. My dad is coming on tuesday (its not his side of the family) and ill try talking to him. We usually see eye to eye and ill ask him if im just being selfish or if he thinks im right. He may talk to my mom about it in a better way then i could....i just cant get myself to talk to my mom because its her grandmother! How am i suppose to word it 'sorry mom i dont want to go see greatgrandma because its going to take more then a week or two for me to heal and the drive is too long, but i still love greatgrandma!' thatll sound so selfish and i know for a fact when she passes away im going to hate myself forever! I just dont understand why its such a coincidence that right at the end of my pregnancy NOW the family decides that its time to finally let her go in peace! I just want to hold my greatgrandma and rock her and tell her its okay and that she doesnt have to suffer anymore and that she can still look over my son from heaven.

[baby2014]

Honestly I understand how you feel. And it is wrong for your family to be treating your great grandmother that way. I know about the Alzheimer's. My grandma isn't to far gone but you can tell that she forgets who you are at times.

If you really don't want to go don't. Because for you as a new mom and healing that will be a hard long ride and as for a newborn baby sickness is more susceptible to the baby and plus a 6hr drive is hard on any child and it would actually turn into a 10hr drive from having to stop frequently every 2 hours to stretch take the baby out and change the diapers feed and you know the drill. We took my son who was 14 months on an 8 hour trip which he cried and fussed the whole time and it took almost double the time to get there from stopping so much. So I couldn't imagine taking a newborn on a trip like that.

I understand not being able to see family for the same reason we didn't get to see my husband's grandma when she was dieing because our son was so young but they do share the same birthday. She passed 2 weeks later and we still missed the funeral.  We both were upset but we also know that we have to put our helpless baby first.