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To be or not to be...a SAHM...
Ok, so the last couple of days I've been home with Gabe becuase he's been sick. (upper resperatory infection) It's got me thinking (again) about wanting to be a sahm. DH and I talked about it awhile back, he was agreeable to it, *I* chose not to becuase a) i love my job and b) I just wasn't sure we could afford it. Well here I am a few months later considering it again. Here are the reasons pros and cons I'm toying with:
Cons to quitting my job:
-I have a GREAT job, I love it, i work for great people who are understanding, it's a steady paycheck pays pretty good for around here.
-I would get less adult interaction (i have no friends around here)
-we have a lot less "whatever" money
-if DH and I were to have problems again, I wouldn't have a job to fall back on
-I'm afraid DH is going to fall back to how he was years ago when i was a sahm and tell me that i wasn't contributing my part becuase I wasn't working.
-if DH were to lose his job or have hours cut we'd be screwed (not that my job would cover the bills by any means but it would be something)
Pros to staying home:
-I would be raising my kids, not someone else (Gabe acts like *I* am the babysitter and his daycare teacher is his mama :( it breaks my heart)
-I wouldn't have to tell my kids "no I can't come to that function becuase I have to work"
-I would have more time during the day to take care of house work, laundry etc so I could use the evenings and weekends to spend with my family instead of rushing around likea mad woman
-I would have more time to cook healthy, sit down, family meals instead of scrambling to scrape up some microwaveable junk at 7 at night
-I could finish a number of the "home improvement" projects we've started and just left on the house
I know it looks like the pros should outweight cons becuase it would create a happier, healthier home for my kids....but I can't help but think about the what if's....
I've gone through our budget ...if I quit...that cuts out daycare, a little bit of gas (i'd still have to drive kids to school), and the cost of eating out for lunch, plus work clothes. On DH's pay we could cover the bills, food, gas, misc, a little savings and have a SMIDGE (like $30-$50 a week) left over for "whatever". So it would really cut back our "lifestyle" so to speak, not that we live lavishly...but we do eat out a lot...but staying home I would have more time to cook so we could cut that out.
I'm really torn here. What would you guys do or have you done? I've been at this job 3 years and the people I work for have done SOOOO much for me. They are like a second family to me. I'd really feel guilty leavin there, but I also feel like my family is suffering from me always being so frantic and never having any extra time.
Cons to quitting my job:
-I have a GREAT job, I love it, i work for great people who are understanding, it's a steady paycheck pays pretty good for around here.
-I would get less adult interaction (i have no friends around here)
-we have a lot less "whatever" money
-if DH and I were to have problems again, I wouldn't have a job to fall back on
-I'm afraid DH is going to fall back to how he was years ago when i was a sahm and tell me that i wasn't contributing my part becuase I wasn't working.
-if DH were to lose his job or have hours cut we'd be screwed (not that my job would cover the bills by any means but it would be something)
Pros to staying home:
-I would be raising my kids, not someone else (Gabe acts like *I* am the babysitter and his daycare teacher is his mama :( it breaks my heart)
-I wouldn't have to tell my kids "no I can't come to that function becuase I have to work"
-I would have more time during the day to take care of house work, laundry etc so I could use the evenings and weekends to spend with my family instead of rushing around likea mad woman
-I would have more time to cook healthy, sit down, family meals instead of scrambling to scrape up some microwaveable junk at 7 at night
-I could finish a number of the "home improvement" projects we've started and just left on the house
I know it looks like the pros should outweight cons becuase it would create a happier, healthier home for my kids....but I can't help but think about the what if's....
I've gone through our budget ...if I quit...that cuts out daycare, a little bit of gas (i'd still have to drive kids to school), and the cost of eating out for lunch, plus work clothes. On DH's pay we could cover the bills, food, gas, misc, a little savings and have a SMIDGE (like $30-$50 a week) left over for "whatever". So it would really cut back our "lifestyle" so to speak, not that we live lavishly...but we do eat out a lot...but staying home I would have more time to cook so we could cut that out.
I'm really torn here. What would you guys do or have you done? I've been at this job 3 years and the people I work for have done SOOOO much for me. They are like a second family to me. I'd really feel guilty leavin there, but I also feel like my family is suffering from me always being so frantic and never having any extra time.
Yeah, see that's my dilemma. I love my job, but I love my family...ya know. Even if I set up a home office for the rental properties, it's VERY time consuming so it would really defeat one of the purposes of staying home. I have thought about it though. Haven't totally ruled it out. I'm going through my budget again....I've gone through receipts to see what we spend on things...where we can cut out...how much things cost. I've estimated what we would HAVE to spend in a month and I'm redoing the "proposed" budget now.
It's hard to explain...but several months ago when I was considering this it just didn't "feel" right to quit then....now it IS starting to feel right. Of course I still have a few reservations but it doesn't feel wrong. Does that make sense?
It's hard to explain...but several months ago when I was considering this it just didn't "feel" right to quit then....now it IS starting to feel right. Of course I still have a few reservations but it doesn't feel wrong. Does that make sense?
Couldn't you manage the rental properties from home? Set up a home office for that part of it, and be an administrative assistant part time in THEIR office? I think you need to do what is right for your family, but in our current economy, people are lucky to HAVE a decent job, and it sounds like you really love yours! Just my 2 cents.. Good luck in whatever you decide. I would KILL for a job I LIKED...
Linzola: I agree as well. Especially since the past year my 6 yo's behavior has become HORRIBLE...she gets mad becuase I don't have time to spend with her and she's high strung as it is. It's gotten so bad I've started taking her to a psychologist. She's only had one visit but he thinks she has early onset childhood depression w/a mood disorder :( Becuase he is a pscyhologist he isn't talking medication (thank god) at this point, but did say if he feels it would benefit her at any point he will refer her to a psychiatrist. I'm hoping that if I DO make the decision to SAH it will help her behavior becuase I will have more time to spend with her and help her learn to redirect her anger in a healthy manner. It's gotten so bad that right now I get "hate mail" from her. She writes us notes when she's mad...her latest thing is draw a picture of us "bleeding" and she writes "I want you to bleed and die" This is a 6 yo...this is NOT normal.
Mrspookie: I agree it shouldn't be all on me...atleast if it were any other job. This is a small family owned company and over the last 3 years they have done more for me than I could ever repay. They have been understanding through mine and DH's rocky times, they have loaned me money (which has been repaid), they have loaned us expensive equipment (backhoe's etc), they have given me the time off I need for my kids when they have been sick. They helped me get a loan through a local bank when even the main office of that bank wouldn't give me one...this in turn helped me get my credit back. I feel I would be doing them wrong if I didn't atleast put a little more into helping find/train someone. KWIM?
LauraB: I've thought of that but I really don't see anyway TO go part time. This is a small office...it's me, the accounts/HR woman, and 3 project managers. I am the SOLE receptionist and administrative assistant for ALL of them....in addition I manage 70 something rental properties all on my own, . It's not like working at a department store or a big company. Even still I don't think what I would make part time wouldn't be worth the part time child care costs/extra gas/etc
Everyone: I'm still on the fence. On the one hand, I know money will be tight, but I also know it would be worth it to have an overall happier family...especially my 6 yo. I would be able to devote more time to my kids, I wouldn't be constantly stressing myself and running in every direction. I think in away DH would be happier becuase (and this sounds stupid but you'd have to know him) he would feel he was doing the "manly thing" by being the sole provider....BUT at the same time I think it will stress him more knowing that he needed to work all the hours he could get.
On the other hand, being human I can't help but think of the what if's and also to feel guilty about leaving my job after they have done so much for me...Iknow it sounds silly becuase it is just a job...but they are like a second family to me.
Mrspookie: I agree it shouldn't be all on me...atleast if it were any other job. This is a small family owned company and over the last 3 years they have done more for me than I could ever repay. They have been understanding through mine and DH's rocky times, they have loaned me money (which has been repaid), they have loaned us expensive equipment (backhoe's etc), they have given me the time off I need for my kids when they have been sick. They helped me get a loan through a local bank when even the main office of that bank wouldn't give me one...this in turn helped me get my credit back. I feel I would be doing them wrong if I didn't atleast put a little more into helping find/train someone. KWIM?
LauraB: I've thought of that but I really don't see anyway TO go part time. This is a small office...it's me, the accounts/HR woman, and 3 project managers. I am the SOLE receptionist and administrative assistant for ALL of them....in addition I manage 70 something rental properties all on my own, . It's not like working at a department store or a big company. Even still I don't think what I would make part time wouldn't be worth the part time child care costs/extra gas/etc
Everyone: I'm still on the fence. On the one hand, I know money will be tight, but I also know it would be worth it to have an overall happier family...especially my 6 yo. I would be able to devote more time to my kids, I wouldn't be constantly stressing myself and running in every direction. I think in away DH would be happier becuase (and this sounds stupid but you'd have to know him) he would feel he was doing the "manly thing" by being the sole provider....BUT at the same time I think it will stress him more knowing that he needed to work all the hours he could get.
On the other hand, being human I can't help but think of the what if's and also to feel guilty about leaving my job after they have done so much for me...Iknow it sounds silly becuase it is just a job...but they are like a second family to me.
So, let's say you put your notice in on Monday, exactly 2 weeks notice. It shouldn't be completely on you to train someone and I would imagine that it'll take them at least those 2 weeks just to interview people to find a good match. You know what's best for you so you do that.
I'm a SAHM and I love it. next fall when Mason is about 6mo old I'll be starting nursing school (rerequisites) and in a few years go into the nursing field, but til then I'm gonna be a SAHM.
Im with Joyrenee...I am a stay at home Mom and have been since well I was 24 weeks pregnant! Julian is 15 months old now and my husband is laid off and we are living off his part time job at a local Jack in the box and partial unemployment! It covers our bills and gives us less than 50 a week for whatever but it is worth it to me! When my husband goes back to work (hes a union communications installer) we will be better off! You will have a lot more time to clip coupons (which there are some great websites to do that from) and find ways to save extra money! I have become pretty good at that!
It sounds to me like your pros def out weigh the cons! Good luck in the choice you make and God Bless
It sounds to me like your pros def out weigh the cons! Good luck in the choice you make and God Bless
Yeah, no kidding LOL. I'm gonna talk to DH when we have a chance. Right now he's trying to put a new engine in his truck. But perhaps tonight we can talk. I want to have a budget in black and white for him to see when I do sit down with him though. The question is how much notice do I give? I know I'm going to give til ATLEAST Nov. 1st so we can pay off some stuff between now and then. But 3 weeks notice....or should i give longer? There is a lot I do at my job that I'm really the ONLY one that knows the stuff. Should I give a longer notice so they have time to find and train someone or should I just give a shorter notice and tell whoever they find (if they get someone in time) that they can call me and I will help them til they get the hang of it? I want to start staying home as soon as possible...but at the same time I don't want to leave them in a bind. (all this provided DH and I agree on this)
Dang girl- your entire paycheck pretty much covers childcare and some major food expenses. You can definitely cut out your check and still be fine. Good luck!
My mom was a sahm & it was the greatest thing ever growing up. Having her around 24/7 was amazing. I am going to be a sahm cause I don't want to miss a thing. Your family is the most important thing in the world & if they are suffering it is not good. Yes it might take some adjusting, but I think it would be sooo worth it. Plus if you need or want a little extra cash it's not like you can 't do some sort of working from home to earn extra income. There are amillion things out there to do from home. & that way you can be at home & work on your schedule.
Well girl you got it then! I can definitely understand your hesitation because of having a job u like but honey like JoyRenee said, your kids grow up so fast so you have the opportunity to raise them as you want... GO FOR IT!! I wish you blessings!
Thanks.. Christmas is pretty much covered tho. DH gets a bonus the first of December that covers stuff for the kids. :)
I think you should shoot for after Christmas then since you have children to get gifts for. I wish you much luck and know that God will provide for you. He won't close a door without opening another one. Best wishes sugar!!
LOL!!! I'm starting to lean more towards SAHM. I've thought about my job and how they are getting stricter about things since they are growing and getting more work. This will interfere with me needing time off for my kids functions/illnesses/appts etc. unless they make exceptions for me, but then that wouldn't be fair to the other employees. I'm also very burnt out and overwhelmed right now. I lay in bed at night desperately trying to turn my mind off....it goes back and forth between work stuff and home stuff. Drives me nuts!
I've also thought about the savings thing. As I said I sat down with our budget and crunched numbers. I did a budget for every month from oct to april 2010....there was only one month (december) where we wouldn't be able to put any money aside (due to christmas) . Then like I said, we will pay off a loan...that adds $255 to the budget. Plus we will be able to put up 1 to 2 thousand for savings. ( With 4 kids and eic we get pretty good tax returns)
I really think we could manage it...I think the hardest part for me is that I'm scared of the change....while it would be a GOOD change any change is still scary....i've been working this same job for 3 years and a couple of months. This might sound crazy but if it were any OTHER job that paid the same amount or less I'd have quit in a heartbeat. I think I feel a little guilty about leaving them becuase they've been so good to me, but I have to remind myself that I will feel even more guilty about missing out on my kids childhoods
I've also thought about the savings thing. As I said I sat down with our budget and crunched numbers. I did a budget for every month from oct to april 2010....there was only one month (december) where we wouldn't be able to put any money aside (due to christmas) . Then like I said, we will pay off a loan...that adds $255 to the budget. Plus we will be able to put up 1 to 2 thousand for savings. ( With 4 kids and eic we get pretty good tax returns)
I really think we could manage it...I think the hardest part for me is that I'm scared of the change....while it would be a GOOD change any change is still scary....i've been working this same job for 3 years and a couple of months. This might sound crazy but if it were any OTHER job that paid the same amount or less I'd have quit in a heartbeat. I think I feel a little guilty about leaving them becuase they've been so good to me, but I have to remind myself that I will feel even more guilty about missing out on my kids childhoods
Ok, I just read just the first paragraph about your finances. Forget everything I just typed because YOU CAN be a SAHM. Honey I can give you a couple of ideas on some easy dinner stuff so you won't have to eat out like you do. Eating out not only is a budget buster but it doesn't help the pounds either. Girl, girl, girl, ... lol You can SO be a SAHM!!
Ok, I voted "that's a tough one". I feel on one hand that you should have the freedom to be a SAHM. On the other hand, you all would really be pinching pennies and for you to say that if your husband's hours got cut or something that you would have a very difficult time covering the bills points me to advise this. I think that, and this is me, I think you should tough it out for a while. Redo your budget to penny pinch for the next 6 months to a year or so. See how much penny pinching will help build up a good savings to cover bills while you would be home from work. This is a good starting point. I can understand your feelings of wanting to stay home with your children but you have to kind of think about you all and your finances. I can only imagine how hard of a decision this is but it sounds like your husband is behind you in whatever decision that is. You really should sit down and really have some numbers and figures laid out so you can see concretely how this will affect you all in the present and the future. Hope this helps.
I thoroughly enjoyed it when I did it before. I miss being able to attend all the school functions, help with class activities, make things for the class. I miss being able to spread out doing laundry rather than trying to cram 15 loads in one day (6 people make a LOT of laundry), I miss being able to have TIME to cook, time to clean the house, time to read or do my crafts.
The last couple of days with Gabe I've realized how little I know him....he's been in daycare since he was 6 weeks old. In the evenings and weekends I'm so rushed to get everthing else done I don't have much time to just sit and spend with him. :(
The last couple of days with Gabe I've realized how little I know him....he's been in daycare since he was 6 weeks old. In the evenings and weekends I'm so rushed to get everthing else done I don't have much time to just sit and spend with him. :(
Thanks.
DH makes a good bit...he works overtime everyweek anywhere from 1 hr to 17 hrs depending. his paychecks are weekly and anywhere from $590 to $700 AFTER taxes, plus he gets $500 a month from the VA. On average he brings home about $3200 a month. I only bring home around $1,400 to $1,500. Out of my pay comes daycare approx $700, extra gas for work, approx $50 more per month, eating out for lunch $175/mo, so that right there cuts what we ACTUALLY make from my job down to about $575/month. Then we eat out for dinner a lot or buy the more expensive microwave meals becuase I don' thave time to cook....so that takes up a good $3 - 400 a month. (family of 6 eating out is anywhere from $30-$60 each time depending on where we go)
So being able to cut all that out pretty much covers what we would lose. We do have an $1100 mortgage (including taxes and insurance) but I sat down and reworked our budget (i keep an excel spreadsheet of bills/paydays etc) and I figured that if DH works his minimum hours 1 week and works an extra day the opposite week (he works alternating schedules every other week and has the option of working an extra day on his short weeks) then we could cover all bills, allot for gas and food/incidentals, pay my oldest her allowance and still be able to put $100-$200 in savings MOST months and still have $30-$100 (depending on the month) left over each payday for "whatever". Then in february when we pay off the loan with our tax refund that will add another $255 to our budget every month.
If I stayed home I could cut our grocery bill by having time to price compare and clip coupons...possibly get a membership to sams club and make a trip (an hour away) every 2 weeks or so.
DH also wants to try and get a few yards that he can cut each month for some extra money. I'd like to find different work at home type jobs....but I don't know where to look. I was thinking about maybe selling some things on Ebay....like custom pacifier clips....I made some for DS last year and they turned out really cute. I also thought about customized party invitations...i made the kids this year and they turned out GREAT and eveyrone loved them.
I already cut costs by buying most of our clothes at thrift stores or from clearance racks.
I'm still going over our budget and playing out different scenarios to see....I'm also trying to decice if I DO decide to stay home..what kind of notice I'd want to put in at work...just the typical 2 weeks or a month or 6 weeks. That way they could find someone and I could train them.
DH makes a good bit...he works overtime everyweek anywhere from 1 hr to 17 hrs depending. his paychecks are weekly and anywhere from $590 to $700 AFTER taxes, plus he gets $500 a month from the VA. On average he brings home about $3200 a month. I only bring home around $1,400 to $1,500. Out of my pay comes daycare approx $700, extra gas for work, approx $50 more per month, eating out for lunch $175/mo, so that right there cuts what we ACTUALLY make from my job down to about $575/month. Then we eat out for dinner a lot or buy the more expensive microwave meals becuase I don' thave time to cook....so that takes up a good $3 - 400 a month. (family of 6 eating out is anywhere from $30-$60 each time depending on where we go)
So being able to cut all that out pretty much covers what we would lose. We do have an $1100 mortgage (including taxes and insurance) but I sat down and reworked our budget (i keep an excel spreadsheet of bills/paydays etc) and I figured that if DH works his minimum hours 1 week and works an extra day the opposite week (he works alternating schedules every other week and has the option of working an extra day on his short weeks) then we could cover all bills, allot for gas and food/incidentals, pay my oldest her allowance and still be able to put $100-$200 in savings MOST months and still have $30-$100 (depending on the month) left over each payday for "whatever". Then in february when we pay off the loan with our tax refund that will add another $255 to our budget every month.
If I stayed home I could cut our grocery bill by having time to price compare and clip coupons...possibly get a membership to sams club and make a trip (an hour away) every 2 weeks or so.
DH also wants to try and get a few yards that he can cut each month for some extra money. I'd like to find different work at home type jobs....but I don't know where to look. I was thinking about maybe selling some things on Ebay....like custom pacifier clips....I made some for DS last year and they turned out really cute. I also thought about customized party invitations...i made the kids this year and they turned out GREAT and eveyrone loved them.
I already cut costs by buying most of our clothes at thrift stores or from clearance racks.
I'm still going over our budget and playing out different scenarios to see....I'm also trying to decice if I DO decide to stay home..what kind of notice I'd want to put in at work...just the typical 2 weeks or a month or 6 weeks. That way they could find someone and I could train them.
I have been a SAHM for 4 1/2 years and it has its ups and downs. I love being home with my children and being able to see them grow up (you will never be able to go back and see them grow up again), BUT I have to say it is the HARDEST job in the world, and I don't care what anyone says. There are no breaks and everything relies on you. Sometimes when my children are driving me crazy, I imagine how it would be if I could just go back to work......but then I think about all the day care expenses and it's not worth it. My paychecks would just go to daycare. So I decided to stay home instead. I have two childen under the age of five and one on the way so going back to work is not an option for me until the new baby is in school which will be in five years. As long as you keep saying to yourself it's not a permanent thing and you will eventually go back to work, I think you will be fine. I would defintely go for it as I know you will NOT regret it. It is worth it because your children will have you there for them, and when they get sick you dont have to worry to take off from work everytime. Like I said it has its ups and downs. I hope you make the right decision for you and your family. Good Luck!!!!!
I have a book to recommend...Chicken Soup for the Soul Power Moms. I've been getting tired of being a SAHM, and I bought it and started reading it. It's got stories from both sides working and SAH moms...it made me feel bad actually because I know I should be grateful for not having to work and being able to stay at home. It may make your decision easier, not sure...but it's a good book either way. Look at it this way, when your kids are older you can go back to work, maybe even the same place...but the memories you get when you're a SAHM, and the "firsts" or the "really cute" or "really funny" things you miss...there's no amount of money or joy from working that can make up for it. DH didn't see the first six months of DS except the first two weeks after he was born, and looking back at all DH missed...I wouldn't work if you made me. There's just so much you can never get back. Life's too short, if you can survive on one paycheck, I say do it!
I'm not really private about our income. But we are a family of four (soon-to-be five) plus one furbaby (cat) and our income is less than 28K, before taxes.
We make do and I think you can too!!!
We make do and I think you can too!!!
Grandmatobe: my older 3 are in school so that just leaves the 1 yo during the day....and he's usually pretty content to play in his little play area so long as he sees me every couple of minutes :)
Joy: Thanks, if I decide to do this, I may be nagging you for pointers, suggestions and advice lol. The last time I was a sahm we were on a military base in Okinawa, Japan and our housing was free so we had plenty of extra money. This time will be a bit different becuase we have a whopping mortgage and other bills so we would definately have to crack down and be frugal.
I brought the subject up to DH last night briefly...I didn't go into major detail becuase I still haven't made MY mind up what I want to do.....he seems to be agreeable to it. I did mention to him that I was afriad that making him the sole breadwinner would put a lot more stress on him....but he said he's not worried about that...he doesn't mind work extra hours. So, we'll see!
Joy: Thanks, if I decide to do this, I may be nagging you for pointers, suggestions and advice lol. The last time I was a sahm we were on a military base in Okinawa, Japan and our housing was free so we had plenty of extra money. This time will be a bit different becuase we have a whopping mortgage and other bills so we would definately have to crack down and be frugal.
I brought the subject up to DH last night briefly...I didn't go into major detail becuase I still haven't made MY mind up what I want to do.....he seems to be agreeable to it. I did mention to him that I was afriad that making him the sole breadwinner would put a lot more stress on him....but he said he's not worried about that...he doesn't mind work extra hours. So, we'll see!
Look at it this way: I can always get a job later in life... but I CANNOT get back my childrens' childhood. Enjoy your kids while you can. We don't have extra money for anything and we always have fun (find free things to do around town), my kids never suffer or want. It's just a matter of living below your means by choice.
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