Aa
OT: Feeling like a jerk today! immature vent
Fair warning: this post is an immature vent!
So I'm 20w pg. and although I haven't been in a bad mood all day, BUT I'm getting set off easily. For example I asked someone to cover dinner and put it in the fridge (it was enough to feed probably 5 ppl since I fed 9 tonight and I didn't want it going bad. This was 2 hrs after dinner. Money is tight til friday, and ppl let food spoil all the time since they're too lazy to cover it and refrigerate it)
well at least 45min. later maybe an hour later it STILL was in the kitchen with no lights on, and NOT covered. So I got mad and went up to their room (door was closed) and told her (SIL) to stop being lazy and next time just let me know to cover it if she/they won't. After a minute or two I apologized for jumping the gun because she said that it had only been 1/2 hr. and because I didn't want to argue w/her.
Then apparently, I didn't word something to my brother's liking (SIL is his wife). I told him to "you need to move out of the way so I can get by please" since my arms were full... Now I realize I could've worded it differently, but it wasn't said in a jerkish manner and I said PLEASE also. but he got mad at me and started griping and complaining saying, "you could've asked nicely, you could've done this or done that" so I basically told him get the stick out of his b*** and came upstairs to my room. He was complaining about it til our other brother who's a couple yrs older and was visiting for the afternoon/evening told him to stop being a martyr... after that I had my door shut and the TV on so I didn't hear anything.
I think that this house is getting to be a BIT too stuffed up for me with too many people. 6 bedroom 9 ppl, and 6 of us are adults. Only me, Dh, and my mom actually contribute to the bills. Maybe it doesn't help that DH and I haven't been out on a date in about 5 or 6 weeks (we normally go out 2x a month at least but $$ is tight til friday due to the HUGE $1200 payoff on our car on the 31st) So I'm feeling cooped up and I'm tired of hearing excuses from them about why they can/can't do things and then my mother backing them up... I understand I'm not being my nicest self and i'm honestly working on it.
But also, I feel that if this brother is entitled to call me names and threaten me when I make him mad with something I SAY (not do but just say) calling me stuff like idiot/other names and say if I don't shut up he'll punch me in the face, that I should be able to voice my opinions too. But that doesn't make sense to him.
At this point and time DH and I are both pretty sick and fed up with floating this household of 9 ppl on mainly HIS income. We pick up 1/2 bills 1/2 rent 3/4 the food bills and most of the extras for the house... on HIS income. But thats another post another time.
Ok, so that's my vent...it's immature, and stupid, especially for a nearly 23yr old soon to be mother of 2 but I wanted to get it out and can't vent on any of my blogs/sites.. lol if admin delets this then sobeit. :).
So I'm 20w pg. and although I haven't been in a bad mood all day, BUT I'm getting set off easily. For example I asked someone to cover dinner and put it in the fridge (it was enough to feed probably 5 ppl since I fed 9 tonight and I didn't want it going bad. This was 2 hrs after dinner. Money is tight til friday, and ppl let food spoil all the time since they're too lazy to cover it and refrigerate it)
well at least 45min. later maybe an hour later it STILL was in the kitchen with no lights on, and NOT covered. So I got mad and went up to their room (door was closed) and told her (SIL) to stop being lazy and next time just let me know to cover it if she/they won't. After a minute or two I apologized for jumping the gun because she said that it had only been 1/2 hr. and because I didn't want to argue w/her.
Then apparently, I didn't word something to my brother's liking (SIL is his wife). I told him to "you need to move out of the way so I can get by please" since my arms were full... Now I realize I could've worded it differently, but it wasn't said in a jerkish manner and I said PLEASE also. but he got mad at me and started griping and complaining saying, "you could've asked nicely, you could've done this or done that" so I basically told him get the stick out of his b*** and came upstairs to my room. He was complaining about it til our other brother who's a couple yrs older and was visiting for the afternoon/evening told him to stop being a martyr... after that I had my door shut and the TV on so I didn't hear anything.
I think that this house is getting to be a BIT too stuffed up for me with too many people. 6 bedroom 9 ppl, and 6 of us are adults. Only me, Dh, and my mom actually contribute to the bills. Maybe it doesn't help that DH and I haven't been out on a date in about 5 or 6 weeks (we normally go out 2x a month at least but $$ is tight til friday due to the HUGE $1200 payoff on our car on the 31st) So I'm feeling cooped up and I'm tired of hearing excuses from them about why they can/can't do things and then my mother backing them up... I understand I'm not being my nicest self and i'm honestly working on it.
But also, I feel that if this brother is entitled to call me names and threaten me when I make him mad with something I SAY (not do but just say) calling me stuff like idiot/other names and say if I don't shut up he'll punch me in the face, that I should be able to voice my opinions too. But that doesn't make sense to him.
At this point and time DH and I are both pretty sick and fed up with floating this household of 9 ppl on mainly HIS income. We pick up 1/2 bills 1/2 rent 3/4 the food bills and most of the extras for the house... on HIS income. But thats another post another time.
Ok, so that's my vent...it's immature, and stupid, especially for a nearly 23yr old soon to be mother of 2 but I wanted to get it out and can't vent on any of my blogs/sites.. lol if admin delets this then sobeit. :).
You know that kinda burns me just hearing all that stuff. After everything that you have been through no one can give you alittle respect and care a little more since now little TJ is doing much better and you're finally getting back on track. Like I said before in the previous post I realate soo much to you. I'm one of them people that constantly think about others and not myself. Still am working on changeing my ways today. I can understand about helping your sister and brother and mother, but the rest there is no excuse for that. You know I would think of it this way, if you actually do make that move as long as you guys got a roof over your head, bills paid for, and the kids have what they need, then that's all you need. Also with a new baby comeing you would be eligable for more income. You're going to struggle before it gets better. I've been there and done that. I was stuggling at first till I got settled in and spaced money out a little more. There's a roof over mine and my kids head, bills are paid, and they got what they need. I'm left with maybe $100 to last for 2 weeks if that and I'm a smoker so ciggerates take my money. But I'm happy. Even though I don't have money for myself I can look at my kids and know that they are happy and well taken care of and all that bs drama is out and away from me. You'll see such a dramatic change in you and your family. Keep us updated and try to concentrate on a plan and budget to get you out of there. There's one thing when you're helping the people you love and care, but when they don't show that they're greatful, and don't return the respect to you, then you need to go elsewhere where someone can. Good luck and you are truely blessed
Wow.
Sounds like you n Carlos need to boogy.
Get y'all an apt or something.
F*** all them other people since they don't seem to give a s*** about you.
You n him can take yalls money and go some place else and see how much they appreciate yall THEN!
My household is a lil hectic right now too.
Just be glad you ain't got a sister trying to steal your husband away.
LMAO
My sister Darcee who's 16 is down here visiting for 3 weeks.
She got her on the 27th, and is leaving next monday on the 17th.
I told her it's hot down here in Texas, so bring some lighter clothing, but down dress skimpy cuz we're isolated out here and ain't gunn be nobody to impress.
And what does she do??
She brings ALLLLLLL of her Skanktops and Booty shorts!
This girl is 5'2" and weighs as much as I do!
And I'm pregnant!
My current weight is on the 200lb mark again (Ugh)
But since she's alot shorter than me, she looks ALOT bigger than me.
And most of me is muscle anyways from when I was on the state swim team, then I got a bit of meat on me too, I'm not gunna lie about that. hahaha.
But I'm half that girls size and *I* don't even dress like that!
Her boobs are ALWAYS falling outta her shirts, she's got rolls hangin out everywhere, her thighs are bulging outta her shorts and it's disgusting.
She dresses like that because her "Stuff" is hangin out and she thinks she's the best thing that ever happened since bottled water, and she thinks Josh likes it!
But what she don't know is that Josh thinks she looks like a can of biscuts popped open!
Me n Josh's mama finally b*tched her out the day before last because we're tired of her dressin like that. We're tired of seein her boobs bustin outta her shirt. We don't wanna see her nipples n what not!
And it's embarassing to us because people stare when we're in public!
She LIKES it!
She thinks the guys think she's hot s***!
I know they don't though because I know how guys think from hanging around them more than other females, and they're probably thinking around the lines "Ew."
lol
She wears her make up like a clown and I've tried to give her advice but she'll sit there and argue till you're blue in the face.
She sits there and flirts with MY HUSBAND right infront of me!
Josh, ofcoarse from what I've told you in the past, is a D.O.R.K. and doesn't see that she's flirting, or that she even LIKES him. I've told him not to go around her because when you wrestle like you do with me, your mama, n everyone else, SHE TAKES IT THE WRONG WAY.
Then he wants to tell me that I'm paranoid, and I'm NOT paranoid!
I *KNOW* she ain't gunna get him. Because Josh thinks she's disgusting.
But the point that I'm trying to tell him is, "I'm not gunna sit here and watch my dam sister flirt with my husband. I know she ain't gunna get you, but I'm not gunna sit here and watch her TRY!"
Who does she think she is!?
She's got after just about everyone I've been with since she was 12 years old and started sleeping around.
I thought she's changed.
She made it out to be that she has. And we started getting along really well.
But I guess I don't know my sister as well as I thought I did because she hasn't changed at all. All that **** she's said about her dad and his gf being a-holes, now I see why!
Joshs mama n I were talking, and we both agreed that now we see why she says in trouble at home, and she ain't miss f****** innocent like she played it off to be.
She's a slob.
It's hard enough to be big n pregnant and have to pick up after 3 other people, plus help Josh's mama keep tidy the house, but I got a sty to pick up after everywhere Darcee goes now.
She sits there and LIES to Joshs mama and even to ME!
One thing me n mama can't STAND is a liar.
And when we started on her the other day about her cloths, she wanted to sit there and LIE to us and say she hasn't been taken cloths shopping in over a year!
And it's like, "MOM JUST BROUGHT YOU SUMMER CLOTHS SHOPPING 2 WEEKS BEFORE YOU CAME DOWN HERE CUZ I TOLD HER TO MAKE SURE YOU HAD LIGHTER CLOTHS TO WEAR!!! HOW YOU GUNNA SIT THERE AND LIE TO MY FACE ABOUT THAT!"
Then she wants to say where she goes shopping doesn't have anything else to pick from.
And I'm like, "Darcee all stores have other things to pick from. You ain't gatta get skanktops and bootyshorts! They have other style tanktops and shorts to wear!"
She's a size 12/14 and she's trying to fit into an 8/10.
I'm half her size and I just barely fit into a 9!
She's a large in shirts, and she's trying to squeeze into a small!
She's a C cup in the bust and she's wearing push up bras and shirts where her toots are bustin outta her shirts!
Ain't nobody wanna see that!!!!
And she swears up n down that she's gods gift to men!!!
I don't get it!!!!!
Ugh.
I gatta call you soon.
I just got my own cellphone so now I ain't gatta share with Josh. lol
I'm counting down the days till she goes home.
You're a good b*tchin buddy so I'll call and we'll b*tch and moan about how much everything *****. lmao
<33 ttyl sorry this was so long.
lolol
Sounds like you n Carlos need to boogy.
Get y'all an apt or something.
F*** all them other people since they don't seem to give a s*** about you.
You n him can take yalls money and go some place else and see how much they appreciate yall THEN!
My household is a lil hectic right now too.
Just be glad you ain't got a sister trying to steal your husband away.
LMAO
My sister Darcee who's 16 is down here visiting for 3 weeks.
She got her on the 27th, and is leaving next monday on the 17th.
I told her it's hot down here in Texas, so bring some lighter clothing, but down dress skimpy cuz we're isolated out here and ain't gunn be nobody to impress.
And what does she do??
She brings ALLLLLLL of her Skanktops and Booty shorts!
This girl is 5'2" and weighs as much as I do!
And I'm pregnant!
My current weight is on the 200lb mark again (Ugh)
But since she's alot shorter than me, she looks ALOT bigger than me.
And most of me is muscle anyways from when I was on the state swim team, then I got a bit of meat on me too, I'm not gunna lie about that. hahaha.
But I'm half that girls size and *I* don't even dress like that!
Her boobs are ALWAYS falling outta her shirts, she's got rolls hangin out everywhere, her thighs are bulging outta her shorts and it's disgusting.
She dresses like that because her "Stuff" is hangin out and she thinks she's the best thing that ever happened since bottled water, and she thinks Josh likes it!
But what she don't know is that Josh thinks she looks like a can of biscuts popped open!
Me n Josh's mama finally b*tched her out the day before last because we're tired of her dressin like that. We're tired of seein her boobs bustin outta her shirt. We don't wanna see her nipples n what not!
And it's embarassing to us because people stare when we're in public!
She LIKES it!
She thinks the guys think she's hot s***!
I know they don't though because I know how guys think from hanging around them more than other females, and they're probably thinking around the lines "Ew."
lol
She wears her make up like a clown and I've tried to give her advice but she'll sit there and argue till you're blue in the face.
She sits there and flirts with MY HUSBAND right infront of me!
Josh, ofcoarse from what I've told you in the past, is a D.O.R.K. and doesn't see that she's flirting, or that she even LIKES him. I've told him not to go around her because when you wrestle like you do with me, your mama, n everyone else, SHE TAKES IT THE WRONG WAY.
Then he wants to tell me that I'm paranoid, and I'm NOT paranoid!
I *KNOW* she ain't gunna get him. Because Josh thinks she's disgusting.
But the point that I'm trying to tell him is, "I'm not gunna sit here and watch my dam sister flirt with my husband. I know she ain't gunna get you, but I'm not gunna sit here and watch her TRY!"
Who does she think she is!?
She's got after just about everyone I've been with since she was 12 years old and started sleeping around.
I thought she's changed.
She made it out to be that she has. And we started getting along really well.
But I guess I don't know my sister as well as I thought I did because she hasn't changed at all. All that **** she's said about her dad and his gf being a-holes, now I see why!
Joshs mama n I were talking, and we both agreed that now we see why she says in trouble at home, and she ain't miss f****** innocent like she played it off to be.
She's a slob.
It's hard enough to be big n pregnant and have to pick up after 3 other people, plus help Josh's mama keep tidy the house, but I got a sty to pick up after everywhere Darcee goes now.
She sits there and LIES to Joshs mama and even to ME!
One thing me n mama can't STAND is a liar.
And when we started on her the other day about her cloths, she wanted to sit there and LIE to us and say she hasn't been taken cloths shopping in over a year!
And it's like, "MOM JUST BROUGHT YOU SUMMER CLOTHS SHOPPING 2 WEEKS BEFORE YOU CAME DOWN HERE CUZ I TOLD HER TO MAKE SURE YOU HAD LIGHTER CLOTHS TO WEAR!!! HOW YOU GUNNA SIT THERE AND LIE TO MY FACE ABOUT THAT!"
Then she wants to say where she goes shopping doesn't have anything else to pick from.
And I'm like, "Darcee all stores have other things to pick from. You ain't gatta get skanktops and bootyshorts! They have other style tanktops and shorts to wear!"
She's a size 12/14 and she's trying to fit into an 8/10.
I'm half her size and I just barely fit into a 9!
She's a large in shirts, and she's trying to squeeze into a small!
She's a C cup in the bust and she's wearing push up bras and shirts where her toots are bustin outta her shirts!
Ain't nobody wanna see that!!!!
And she swears up n down that she's gods gift to men!!!
I don't get it!!!!!
Ugh.
I gatta call you soon.
I just got my own cellphone so now I ain't gatta share with Josh. lol
I'm counting down the days till she goes home.
You're a good b*tchin buddy so I'll call and we'll b*tch and moan about how much everything *****. lmao
<33 ttyl sorry this was so long.
lolol
grandmatobe~ thanks... :) Those are all things DH and I are discussing, and need to talk about. :)
When it all comes down to it, you have to take care of yourself, DH, TJ and the baby. We too, are helping out family, and I understand that need to give people a chance, but if my family didn't have a plan in place, I don't think I could handle an indefinite stay with us. You can only do so much and then it is up to them. Personally, I might be tempted to give up the whole caretaker salary and move out in a couple of months after you save. You Mom and siblings will find a way to make it on their own, if they HAVE to make it on their own.
Your family deserves to have a fresh start on YOUR terms, not everyone else's. This might also help with the sleep problems you mentioned on your other post. Too much stress going on and too many people in one space. I hope you can find a happy middle ground (and get some rest as you can)....
Your family deserves to have a fresh start on YOUR terms, not everyone else's. This might also help with the sleep problems you mentioned on your other post. Too much stress going on and too many people in one space. I hope you can find a happy middle ground (and get some rest as you can)....
Lol, I should've mentioned that those apartments that are $800 aren't in the best area. We lived there for just over a year, and although there wasn't anything like gun shots, drugs were apparently prevalent there. It was never around me and we didn't socialize with anyone outside of the pool. But there were 2 occasions S.W.A.T. showed up! We couldn't hear them but we saw them, a bunch of guys in black with those huge guns. We just locked out door and stayed inside.
LosingMyMindinGa~.... I guess. I wouldn't worry except if my mom isn't able to support my younger brother and sister (step) then she'd end up in the system, or back with her druggie mom and abusive brother, and my little brother would end up 1500 miles away with our dad IF he'd take him. I could care less about my middle brother and his wife. I thought he'd learn after seeing my older younger brother get married and end up in low income housing with his wife supporting him and NO money because he's too lazy to get a job. DH and I have tried to be a good example as far as marriage goes...
LosingMyMindinGa~.... I guess. I wouldn't worry except if my mom isn't able to support my younger brother and sister (step) then she'd end up in the system, or back with her druggie mom and abusive brother, and my little brother would end up 1500 miles away with our dad IF he'd take him. I could care less about my middle brother and his wife. I thought he'd learn after seeing my older younger brother get married and end up in low income housing with his wife supporting him and NO money because he's too lazy to get a job. DH and I have tried to be a good example as far as marriage goes...
WOW! Another reason I'm glad I don't live in Cali. LOL I pay $1100 a month (taxes and insurance included) for a $3600 sf house with 3.5 acres of land.
Martika: I agree you guys need to stop worrying about your mom and siblings. Let it go. It's sad to put it this way....but you have more important things/people in your life now. By being an enabler to your mom and brothers it's not helping you or them any. They need the rug pulled out from under them and let them fall flat on their faces.
Martika: I agree you guys need to stop worrying about your mom and siblings. Let it go. It's sad to put it this way....but you have more important things/people in your life now. By being an enabler to your mom and brothers it's not helping you or them any. They need the rug pulled out from under them and let them fall flat on their faces.
Oh my goodness! I've lived in the Midwest my whole life so I just had no idea houses on the coast were that expensive!!!!!!
I also live in So. CA (San Gabriel Valley) and the rent on my house (1400 sq. ft) is $2,200 per month. One bedroom apartments are around $1000-1200 and two bedrooms are $1100-$1400. It's horrible here....
Southern california. Average rent for a 1 bedroom apartment is $800 or so. Not cheap. I'm just glad that hubby got his promotion and gets about $15/hr now. which is really good pay for out here, esp. with the economy as it is.
I didn't read the other comments so I missed that! Well I hope you guys find a wonderful place for your kids to thrive and grow!!! Please keep us updated on the search.
And dang- rent is $1700? My mortgage is only $624. Where do you live?!
And dang- rent is $1700? My mortgage is only $624. Where do you live?!
Thanks ladies,
Joy~ as I said... we are going to be looking into a place of our own most likely. I've got to get over my worries about my mom not being able to support my two younger siblings. However I don't want to just "settle" for some place because I'm in a rush to get out of here. I want it to be a place where I want my kids to live for a few years at least. This neighborhood is GREAT for families. that's all that lives here, but the houses here are all 4, 5, 6 bedrooms, with rent in the $1700's. I'd rather get a house with 2 or 3 bedrooms (probably 3), and I know that if it were just us on our own we could focus on our family and not other ppl..just raising our two boys..
Joy~ as I said... we are going to be looking into a place of our own most likely. I've got to get over my worries about my mom not being able to support my two younger siblings. However I don't want to just "settle" for some place because I'm in a rush to get out of here. I want it to be a place where I want my kids to live for a few years at least. This neighborhood is GREAT for families. that's all that lives here, but the houses here are all 4, 5, 6 bedrooms, with rent in the $1700's. I'd rather get a house with 2 or 3 bedrooms (probably 3), and I know that if it were just us on our own we could focus on our family and not other ppl..just raising our two boys..
If the adults in the house aren't paying bills/rent/groceries they need to GO. I don't care if they're family. If they can't suck it up and start BEING adults, they need to find someplace else to live. Otherwise you and your husband should find a place of your own. Just my own personal opinion but... it's just not a healthy situation.
Wow...so i know i don't know your whole story, but this doesn't sound like an enviroment to bring your new baby to thats for sure!! I am sorry you have to have so much on your plate while trying to carry your baby. I think it is great that you are looking at the long term and are going to try to stop letting these people mooch off of you b/c it just isn't fair!! I wish you the best and hope you can get a better place for you to raise your babies in!!
Thanks ladies. This reply is kinda detailed for those of you who don't know the story... But I'm glad that some of you can see WHY i'm so ticked even if it is immature of me.
Smjmekg~ this brother is 6'3 and just like my brother who's 6'6 and a couple years older than him used to using his size to get what he wants. he has no problem threatening people, at least family, punching holes in walls, or screaming in their face til he's practically spitting. Apparently though he's better than the other brother, or me because he isn't disrespectful to my mother (that's a joke... he has no problem being a jerk but mom lets it blow over and conveniently forgets it) His anger is a huge issue, yet he feels that because he only blows up like that once every couple of months that it's not a big deal... Him and his wife JUST graduated high school and married after only being together 6 months. They love eachother but it was partially out of necessity. her parents are raging drunks and abusive so she likely wouldn't have had a place to go. She's VERY sensative and will cry over stuff pretty easily. And I'm sick of tiptoeing around her just so I don't remind her of her parents. KWIM? (with yelling or griping) At least when DH and I married at 18 we had some sort of income and could pay for our car, rent, and some bills and contribute to the household. we didn't leach off our parents for EVERYTHING
They applied for local community college, and foodstamps in the meantime, and are looking for jobs. However there are 3-4 temp agencies and they haven't made the effort to make appointments or anythign to go in. They get TICKED when I tell them to stop complaining because they aren't willing to try hard enough. Because my brother put in 18 applications around town and stopped at that, he believes he's done all he can. And they both say that they can't work and go to school which is BS. Anytime I've ever need a job, even in the failing economy, I found one. he asks me why i don't go find a job if I'm able to do it so easily... I shouldn't have to. I am raising a child, pregnant, and have a husband who supports his family.
I get told I do nothing or very little in this house, because apparently, cooking for EVERYONE about 4 times a week which requires 2 hrs on my feet at LEAST, doing the shopping, caring for my son, and contributing to bills, or DH contributing to the bills/rent and all isn't enough. I started picking up a household chore each day but STILL get **** for it from mom if I don't do if for a couple days due to back pain. (I have a preexisting back injury and I OFFERED to do a chore to get ppl off my case).
Daisymomlove~ Well, We had our own place before TJ was born. a 1 bedroom apartment, but didn't have the $$ to get a deposit down on a larger place. We COULD do it now, since DH got his promotion and find a 2-3 bedroom house and be able to afford it, HOWEVER...money would be TIGHT.
Right now I do something called IHSS for my mom who's disabled which brings in about $450 a month for me. I run errands, and am paid to do things for my mother. I do her laundry and run errands, take my younger underage brother and sister places and shop for her and stuff but I will not clean the entire house when 8 other ppl are messing it up. She tries to hold it over my head and tell me that she should give the "job" to my brother.
At one point I told her she could take the money and shove it if I did such a horrible job. at least $300 of that 450 goes on food for the household. DH and my income would be probably around $2700-3000 after taxes without that money, which isn't much here in SOcal, but we'd be able to manage... but we need to save up money first. Honestly, we would move if we weren't worried about my mother not being able to support my sister and brother (the 2 youngest).
She says she'd be able to do it, but this last month she didn't even have money to contribute to food for the house at all, and STILL Owes on some of the bills. I can't understand why because she gets around $2000/mo from child support, Disability, and SSI and stuff.... DH and I still wound up spending about $250 of our limited funds for food and we're down to about $35 til friday for gas and anything else we need...... which is sad. We haven't lived paycheck to paycheck since Feb.
Tiredbuthappy~ You are VERY right. once they begin taking advantage it won't stop. my mother always has reasons for EVERYTHING to why she can't afford her bills to why she constantly questions our parenting with TJ (according to her she "cares" and is a "grandma" which explains it all.. : / ) We have decided that we will only put so much $$ towards food and bills, and if the food runs out we will get a few things for US and to feed the animals (we have bought the animal food the last several times which runs us $40 for both cat/dog food. we have 1 dog, a pit and 1 cat. My mom has a rotti and a chiuaua and 2 FAT cats.) But it will be up to my mother to figure out how to feed the rest of them once what we buy runs out. as it is, my WIC goes toward the rest of the house. I make sure to mark my name on stuff I plan to eat/drink especially since it's meant for ME and the baby not them, but ppl still eat it sometimes. And then we are made to feel like we are food police.
It's not my husband or my responsibility to be the "parents/providers" to them... My mom feels that since we live in a house together that "family should support family" even if that includes DH putting a large chunk of his own hard earned money toward supporting everyone because my mom can't do what it takes. She's not an invalid, and she's not mentally compromised. She just can't do alot due to a bad back (like me but much worse) and depression from my jerk of a stepdad dying over a year ago.
She tells me that because she takes TJ 1x a week sometimes (it averages to 2x a month MAYBE) that we should do this stuff for her and everyone else. like we are endebted to her for helping with TJ. I don't even bother asking her for help much anymore.
DH and I are going to have to SERIOUSLY talk about what we want to do concerning saving up for a new place. We could afford a place within 2-3 months or right before I have this baby if we need to, but we need to decide if we are going to be able to afford everything, and make a budget...AND I am not going to say a word to my mom or family until we decide on something. Then I'll give 2 months notice. I think it's got to come to a point where we stop caring so much and let whatevers gonna happen with her and them happen. I can't keep feeling responsible for my siblings, and I can't let my mom guilt me by saying that it was ONLY because of my son that she moved into a house with me. (she lost her work from home job, and was gonna get evicted because she wouldn't get rid of her animals and lied about them in the first place and couldn't get approved for more than a 2 bedroom place like an apartment, which would NOT allow a rotti. but apparently, did it as a favor to US not something mutally benefitial)
When this began we never dreampt that we'd end up feeling like Dh had to be the provider to everyone.
My goal is to get into nursing school since here nursing STARTING pay is $28/hr but that's 2 years to finish. We have a long term plan to have a savings for retirement, own our own home and everything so that most likely by the time TJ is 21, we will be able to retire. I think both our parents resent us for having a plan, and some disposable income and making it happen.
Smjmekg~ this brother is 6'3 and just like my brother who's 6'6 and a couple years older than him used to using his size to get what he wants. he has no problem threatening people, at least family, punching holes in walls, or screaming in their face til he's practically spitting. Apparently though he's better than the other brother, or me because he isn't disrespectful to my mother (that's a joke... he has no problem being a jerk but mom lets it blow over and conveniently forgets it) His anger is a huge issue, yet he feels that because he only blows up like that once every couple of months that it's not a big deal... Him and his wife JUST graduated high school and married after only being together 6 months. They love eachother but it was partially out of necessity. her parents are raging drunks and abusive so she likely wouldn't have had a place to go. She's VERY sensative and will cry over stuff pretty easily. And I'm sick of tiptoeing around her just so I don't remind her of her parents. KWIM? (with yelling or griping) At least when DH and I married at 18 we had some sort of income and could pay for our car, rent, and some bills and contribute to the household. we didn't leach off our parents for EVERYTHING
They applied for local community college, and foodstamps in the meantime, and are looking for jobs. However there are 3-4 temp agencies and they haven't made the effort to make appointments or anythign to go in. They get TICKED when I tell them to stop complaining because they aren't willing to try hard enough. Because my brother put in 18 applications around town and stopped at that, he believes he's done all he can. And they both say that they can't work and go to school which is BS. Anytime I've ever need a job, even in the failing economy, I found one. he asks me why i don't go find a job if I'm able to do it so easily... I shouldn't have to. I am raising a child, pregnant, and have a husband who supports his family.
I get told I do nothing or very little in this house, because apparently, cooking for EVERYONE about 4 times a week which requires 2 hrs on my feet at LEAST, doing the shopping, caring for my son, and contributing to bills, or DH contributing to the bills/rent and all isn't enough. I started picking up a household chore each day but STILL get **** for it from mom if I don't do if for a couple days due to back pain. (I have a preexisting back injury and I OFFERED to do a chore to get ppl off my case).
Daisymomlove~ Well, We had our own place before TJ was born. a 1 bedroom apartment, but didn't have the $$ to get a deposit down on a larger place. We COULD do it now, since DH got his promotion and find a 2-3 bedroom house and be able to afford it, HOWEVER...money would be TIGHT.
Right now I do something called IHSS for my mom who's disabled which brings in about $450 a month for me. I run errands, and am paid to do things for my mother. I do her laundry and run errands, take my younger underage brother and sister places and shop for her and stuff but I will not clean the entire house when 8 other ppl are messing it up. She tries to hold it over my head and tell me that she should give the "job" to my brother.
At one point I told her she could take the money and shove it if I did such a horrible job. at least $300 of that 450 goes on food for the household. DH and my income would be probably around $2700-3000 after taxes without that money, which isn't much here in SOcal, but we'd be able to manage... but we need to save up money first. Honestly, we would move if we weren't worried about my mother not being able to support my sister and brother (the 2 youngest).
She says she'd be able to do it, but this last month she didn't even have money to contribute to food for the house at all, and STILL Owes on some of the bills. I can't understand why because she gets around $2000/mo from child support, Disability, and SSI and stuff.... DH and I still wound up spending about $250 of our limited funds for food and we're down to about $35 til friday for gas and anything else we need...... which is sad. We haven't lived paycheck to paycheck since Feb.
Tiredbuthappy~ You are VERY right. once they begin taking advantage it won't stop. my mother always has reasons for EVERYTHING to why she can't afford her bills to why she constantly questions our parenting with TJ (according to her she "cares" and is a "grandma" which explains it all.. : / ) We have decided that we will only put so much $$ towards food and bills, and if the food runs out we will get a few things for US and to feed the animals (we have bought the animal food the last several times which runs us $40 for both cat/dog food. we have 1 dog, a pit and 1 cat. My mom has a rotti and a chiuaua and 2 FAT cats.) But it will be up to my mother to figure out how to feed the rest of them once what we buy runs out. as it is, my WIC goes toward the rest of the house. I make sure to mark my name on stuff I plan to eat/drink especially since it's meant for ME and the baby not them, but ppl still eat it sometimes. And then we are made to feel like we are food police.
It's not my husband or my responsibility to be the "parents/providers" to them... My mom feels that since we live in a house together that "family should support family" even if that includes DH putting a large chunk of his own hard earned money toward supporting everyone because my mom can't do what it takes. She's not an invalid, and she's not mentally compromised. She just can't do alot due to a bad back (like me but much worse) and depression from my jerk of a stepdad dying over a year ago.
She tells me that because she takes TJ 1x a week sometimes (it averages to 2x a month MAYBE) that we should do this stuff for her and everyone else. like we are endebted to her for helping with TJ. I don't even bother asking her for help much anymore.
DH and I are going to have to SERIOUSLY talk about what we want to do concerning saving up for a new place. We could afford a place within 2-3 months or right before I have this baby if we need to, but we need to decide if we are going to be able to afford everything, and make a budget...AND I am not going to say a word to my mom or family until we decide on something. Then I'll give 2 months notice. I think it's got to come to a point where we stop caring so much and let whatevers gonna happen with her and them happen. I can't keep feeling responsible for my siblings, and I can't let my mom guilt me by saying that it was ONLY because of my son that she moved into a house with me. (she lost her work from home job, and was gonna get evicted because she wouldn't get rid of her animals and lied about them in the first place and couldn't get approved for more than a 2 bedroom place like an apartment, which would NOT allow a rotti. but apparently, did it as a favor to US not something mutally benefitial)
When this began we never dreampt that we'd end up feeling like Dh had to be the provider to everyone.
My goal is to get into nursing school since here nursing STARTING pay is $28/hr but that's 2 years to finish. We have a long term plan to have a savings for retirement, own our own home and everything so that most likely by the time TJ is 21, we will be able to retire. I think both our parents resent us for having a plan, and some disposable income and making it happen.
I know exactly what you mean. I might have not been in that big of a house with that many people but I know what you mean by footing most of the bills basically. It gets very frustrating when you are the main one footing the bills and others complain about haveing to do stuff around the house. It's like what the heck if you're not working or bringing in any kid of money for the house then my honest opinion they should have that house spotless and be able to do anything you ask. Been in your situation and I hated it and i was pregnant at the same time as well. I really think that you guys should have your own place just the hubby and your kids before you have the baby. It's so great just haveing the kids and hubby. You'll realize how much quiter and relaxed you would be. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
well... my thoughts are... once someone starts taking advantage of a situation (and it does sound like they are definitely taking advantage of you and your DH), it's not going to magically stop. In addition, this type of bickering is the type of bickering that occurs between teen siblings, not people who are married and in their 20's. The stress of the situation is probably causing everyone to behave in ways they wouldn't normally. Date nights are probably a band-aid, which is why you are feeling cooped up right now. But if skipping one or two date nights makes you crazy, it's a sign of underlying problems with your living situation.
By the way, I would've been p!ssed too, if I had cooked for so many people, asked them to put the food, and have it left out to spoil. So, I don't see it as being a jerk.
By the way, I would've been p!ssed too, if I had cooked for so many people, asked them to put the food, and have it left out to spoil. So, I don't see it as being a jerk.
I agree with tiredbuthappy...I remember when you were first contemplating the house with your family...It sounds like there are more people there than you bargained for if I remember correctly. It would be good for you and dh to have your own place...less stress, privacy, have things your way, etc
sounds like it's time for someone to move out. I don't know enough of the story to say who (your fam or your brother's), but it seems this arrangement may not be the healthiest for anyone involved.
Wow...threatening to punch you in the face??? I'd have some choice words of my own to give him. Sounds honestly like you guys need to get out of their and, not to sound mean, but let them see how life would be like if you weren't helping out so much. I don't think your vent is stupid at all. You have a right to be mad, and it's not you that's being immature.
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