4368956 tn?1357406071

am I selfish?

so we have lots of kids and im pregnant again with my seventh and my husband has two other children from a previous relationship his father has been in and out of jail since he was a kid. And my husbands mom past when he was fifteen of breastcancer. Since the dad wasnt much help due to his addictions his siblings went to live with different family members except my husband and his oldest bro they slept in a abandoned basement were his stepfather left with another women after his mom past. My point is his father is now back in his life and has all the same problems we are christians so its really hard to turn our backs on him. And my husband still loves him alot. We recently helped bail him out of jail for his 3rd dwi and have been helping him getting a lawyer not to mention paying for it. He wants to live with us cuz he has no were to live but I really dont want to do this anymore. He stayed for a week and was already wanting his girlfriend to come stay at our house and shes on parol for attempt of murder. And im done with the crap. He swears hes changed. He left for the holidays to be with his girlfriend  and my husbsnd sister called late last night saying he was drunk and needed a ride. What should I do! I am a christian but I just dont want the drama around my kids I dont want him her cuz he doesnt work and I no he wont change, but my husband loves him cuz its his dad . Its causing all kinds of drama in our relationship cuz something is always going on with his dad hes afraid if hes not here he'll be dead I feel like a bad christain for not wanting tohelp anymore.
5 Responses
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4122185 tn?1358446749
Being Christian with a kind & giving heart is a great thing.. but allowing a grown man to continuously take advantage of you is absurd and honestly he should be ashamed of himself. You have a large family & yourself to care for.. nevermind that alcoholic nonsense and all of the chaos that brings to YOUR HOME.
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Avatar universal
You don't need the stress and he isn't a very good role model to your kids to keep the peace give him one last chance but lay down some ground rules ie not to get drunk etc and let him know if he does anything you don't want your kids seeing then he has to find somewhere else to stay and he should be paying his own way you have enough kids to pay out for and they come first
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4193337 tn?1355698372
I would help find other arrangements for him but then make him leave. You are pregnant and don't need that stress, your kids don't need to see that and that kind of situation can really take a toll on any relationship
Helpful - 0
3763041 tn?1354906251
I agree this man is taking advantage of your generosity and will continue to do so unless you set some boundries. what you have done thus far has given him more than you should have to, and your hubby will appreciate in the long run that you let it go this far. if he is still drinking after you bail him out for his 3rd DUI that tells me he has not made a valident effort to change his ways, and I would not even consider allowing his gf into my home and around my children because she is on parole for ATTEMPTED MURDER! and as a grandpa he should know better than that.. if he wants to be around his son and grand babies he needs to grow up, and if you have to turn your back to teach him that lesson then think of it as helping him because otherwise your enabling him. good luck dear
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Avatar universal
You're not selfish at all. And you're definitely NOT a bad Christian. God has obviously given you a very gracious heart. Its ok for you to set some boundaries. Your childrens well being has to come first. Yes, you want to show your kids how to extend love and genorosity to those in needs but you also want to surround them with people who are going to uphold the same moral values as you.
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