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Avatar universal

boyfriend doesnt want our child

Hi ya I'm 7 weeks pregnant I told my bf 2 weeks ago and he doesn't want a baby, it wasn't planned but he doesn't want me to keep it, I.feel that if I do he will hate me for ruining his life, I want to keep the baby but so scared that I might end up alone, I'm 24 nearly and we've been together 4years I'm finding it so difficult because he's turning it into it being about him not me. Can anybody give me any advice please xx
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1303813 tn?1303159362
See everything is gona be Okay, and as long as you're happy then its okay :)
x
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Avatar universal
Thank-you xxxx
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1365668 tn?1277946866
I've read most of this and you've gotten such great advice, I'll ignore a few of the posts, and like everyone said it's your choice and only you can make the choice that's best for you!

Don't worry about you being selfish, he seems to be the epitome of self centered, there is potentially an other person involved here (a baby) now and you need to think about YOU.  And regretting things like a terminated pregnancy someone forced you into or that you didn't have your heart in is a very heavy weight to carry your whole life.  That said, I'm completely pro-choice and think you should do what you need to do for you.

You sound like you're going to make the decision that's right for you, you just had to talk it out.

Good luck and take care!

{{big hugs}}

Bri
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Avatar universal
Yeh I think I am, I've been doing loads of thinking its driving me mad but if I didn't go ahead with keeping the baby then I really think I will regret it and be thinking when it comes to next year I should have a baby so that's what I'm soo worried about. I just hope that we can be happy I'm just so scared because I don't want to be on my own I hope it all worksout I'm so not ready for this and feel like I'm being really selfish on my bf I hope he see my side xx
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1303813 tn?1303159362
Are you gonna keep your bubby ??
He is a silly one for going funny,

x
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Avatar universal
Aww good luck with that hun, Yeh I think i've made up my mind my boyfriend is being ok today but he'll prob go funny again
xxx
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1123420 tn?1350561158
U are very welcome. I'm always here for someone if they need it. An thanks ihave grown up a lot since I got pregnant. I had no choice I had to formy son. I just wish guys had to grow up to or atleast wanted to. I really hopr I chose to keep this baby and exspierance being a mother. Its truly amazing and rewarding. But its truely ur desision. No judgement.  My ex is coming to see his son tonight. I havnt seen or talked to him in a week so its been easy to be strong. I'm affraid I'm gonna break down tonight.  But any I'm here if u wanna talk and I hope u can keeo me updated with ur desision
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286957 tn?1191455211
Hey Lady, right now you probably feel so pulled but don't listen to him if you want to keep Your baby... my close friend had a situation like that and she is not with that same man but she had her baby Khloe Beth and she loves her SOOOO much and wouldn't change anything. Get just gets child support from the dad who is not apart of their lives anymore. She is actually in love again with someone that really loves her and the baby.
I don't know how you feel right now so maybe that will help maybe it wont. Your bf might also realize how much you feel about your opinion in this and stop freaking out and deal with it and sometimes I've heard of a man not fully even wanting to be a dad til he holds the actual baby, I do believe it can take that long.... hopefully for you whatever you want will turn out.
Good luck Lovely!
And congrats with what you decide..whichever it is it IS the right decision.

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Avatar universal
Awww thanks everyone and no worries BTS1022 my hormones aren't great either I am so snappy lol but thanks everyone I'll let u no how it all goes I really appreciate it xxxx
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1303813 tn?1303159362
BTS1022  but you then said sorry. Basically by saying now you understand more, whereas princess whats her face didnt!! She just carried on being more childish than me and im 17!!  LOL.

Like ct24 said the thing is aimed at her... not him... she wants closure and support and we gave it to her... You re read the thing and her added comments and realised, :)

But from experience. Abortions are not a nice experience... I was put into labour! LOL... its not nice and I gotta live with that forever, but if this baby is a girl, She will be called Peyton-Jane in memory of the baby girl I had to give up because I was so ill.....

But its your choice! :)

xx
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633284 tn?1271714418
I am so sorry you are gping through this it doesn't help when you have the extra hormones either :/ but no matter what you choose you know it will be the best option for you and your life. Personal opinion..I think you should keep your lil one I had my lil girl at 22 and I would not change it for the world it is soo amazing watching a lil baby grow into a lil person and have them be apart of you and everytime you look at him or her you will be amazed and think wow he/she is aprt of me its soo crazy and so awesome!  For the one person that was being a lil outa line....Both my cousin were born while my aunt was using BC and Condoms....so there is a few select people that get pregnant on accident! Well actually millions b/c this world is filled with billions of people :)!  Anyways I would never choose abortion ever b/c I made the choice to do the things I did but if it is absolutly neccesary then I would do adoption (at least a child has a chance in this world...anyways just a personal opinion..do whats right for you!!! I know you want to please the one you love but, but i think if he truely wanted to be there for you and support you I think that he would help and maybe alk to you about adoption if that was the case...I hope I am making sense without trying to be rude. I just think he should be there for you no matter what he has been with you for 4 years if this is what breaks you up then he wasn't meant to be with you if you choose to keep the baby (hope that made sense) ANyways good luck hun in what you choose it will be hard but in the end you will do the right thing for you!
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Avatar universal
Like Cassandrajane said, thats what we're here for.

And I too think I owe you an apology for thinking you were making everything revolve around you. I'm pregnant too and pissy sometimes lol swear it's the hormones. Anyways I am sorry. And I do wish you the best of luck.

And I do know exactly what your going through. It wasn't easy being pregnant at 16, and being in love. I can honestly say, even though I have a wonderful soon-to-be hubby, I still think about the what if's that would have been between me and my daughters father, but I know what I did was the right choice for me and for my baby, and even though she isn't physically here to enjoy that decision with me, she is here in spirit supporting me with my other pregnancies and the rocky road I sometimes find myself on.
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1303813 tn?1303159362
Thats what we are here for :)

We're always here if you need to talk :)

x
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Avatar universal
Hey Amanda thanks for Ur advice you seem very brave and grown up for 20, and thanku to BTS1022 for your advice and to u and cassandrajane and Amanda for sticking up for me and thanks for every1s help and advice it has helped xxxxx
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1303813 tn?1303159362
Woohoo BTS1022.
Personally I think Princessren88 should say sorry!!

If she is an adult like she says she is, she should act like one be the bigger person and appologise!

x
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Avatar universal
I'm in now way trying to aggravate the situation more by making this post. But I think your clearly misinformed. Everyone knows first off that the "pull out" method is not 100% effective. Men do have precum which in fact contains more sperm than ejaculate alone. We also all know, that condoms break, and if the man does not fit the condom appropriately it can also fall off during intercourse. And again, we all know that birth control IS NOT 100% effective like you say it is, well in conjunction with other methods, it makes getting pregnant that much harder.

But the reality of it is, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING including pregnancy is preventable, but nothing is 100%. Even children's immunizations....they are for prevention of disease and infections, but that does not mean the child is 100% protected, he/she can in fact still contract measles or mumps. You can prevent a car accident, by being very careful and driving cautiously and obeying all the road signs and speed limits. But the REALITY of this all, is the only true 100% method of prevention is to NOT do it at all. No sex, No kids to get sick, and No car to drive around.

This woman is clearly of age, and is an adult, she is being very responsible for her actions, as she is taking into consideration everything that is lying at her feet. Cut her some slack, because obviously you don't know the whole story, and to judge someone on whether they trapped a man or not is entirely wrong, you don't know this woman personally and you don't know her her entire circumstance.

"sorry Mods lol, I'm not trying to aggravate the situation just trying to make a valid point"
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202436 tn?1326474333
Well said ammanda!!!  
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1123420 tn?1350561158
Hey hun, Im going through the same thing as u, just in a different way.  Me and my ex fiancee planned our child. and he was there for the pregnancy.  he wanted a baby cause he lost his first son at birth almost 3 years ago at birth witgh his ex. so we were together off and on for 9 years.  the last time we got together (this time) he told me he couldnt be with me if i didnt want kids, and i never did. but i changed my whole perspective for him.  I wanted him to be happy. well I got pregnant 6 nmonths after being back together.  he was so happy.  Well I just had my son 2 months ago. Im only 20 years old.   All he does is party. we split up just after he was born.  He started messing with other girls, not coming home, being druink all the time. being abusive. never doing anything for his son that he wanted so bad.  He doesnt call for days at a time, and then  calls me and saids he wants his son so bad. he only wants him when its convienant for him and theres nothing else going on. thats not fair for my baby.  u know. hes only 22 years old and very immature. he didnt change diapers get up with him, feed him or nothing. i did it all and worked  nights at a bar.  he never helped me and he left me home alone all the time, never invited me out. and i never get to go anywhere.  Well I finally left him. my son does not deserve that.  he is the most amazing thing that ever happend to me.  even though i never wanted kids, i wouldnt trade being a mommy for nothing

My advice is to keep the baby, there is a chance he will leave, and theres a chance he'll grow up and change his mind. either way you gotta be prepared. i know u didnt want kids but there so amazing.  and once u see him/her, nothing else will matter.  For you and that babys sake i hope he sticks around to take care of u guys. but if not, then hes not worth it.  You will do great on ur own, im terrifed of being alone and i love my ex soooo much but i dont deserve what he was doing to me, and u dont either.  Its not just ur fault you got pregnant. you shouldnt have to be alone.  but it happens,  you know.  you think u love him so much, just wait till u see ur baby, u dont know what love is until you meet ur baby for the first time,. thats real love, and nothing else is more powerful.  By posting this and being so confused means you want this baby, but your scared.  its okay to be scared.  thats part of life.  your supposed to have obstacles and troubles, it makes you so much stronger.  keep the baby and love it.  

Dont worry aboutr what that girl was saying **** happens.  she is just pissed off at the world i guess for coming on here and being so harsh.  

Im always here if you need someone to talk to,  
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202436 tn?1326474333
I think it would be wise for both of you to speak to someone completely unbiased...counselor, religious leader, pregnancy center worker...someone who can help you both to see the others side of this.  

This is a very difficult decision for both of you and it's not one to be made hastily.  

Neither of you wanted children to begin with, but now you have created one.  You were taking precautions by using birth control, however you both knew there was a slight chance that a pregnancy could still occur....therefore you BOTH are in this together.  Neither of you should force the other into a decision they are not comfortable with.  If he is insisting you abort the child or give it up and you aren't comfortable wtih that then he is being unreasonable, however if he is not wanting to keep the child and you compromise how you feel by giving in and doing something you will later regret in the hopes of saving your relationship with him then you are being unfair to you, him and the child.  Trust me when I say that unless you are absolutely certain in your heart of hearts about your decision, whatever it may be, you are likely to go on and regret it causing yourself lifelong grief.  

I really think you need to speak with someone unbiased who can help you both to understand the consequences of whatever decision you may come to.  
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Avatar universal
Now that you clarified some of the info I completely understand. Yes the decision to keep the baby is laying solely on your shoulders, as he has already voiced his opinion on it. And being alone is scary, especially when pregnant. My first child was a little girl, when I found out I was pregnant with her, her father told me to have an abortion. I loved this man mind you, and we were off and on for about 4 yrs. However....I chose to leave him, and have the baby on my own. I was 16 years old.

Even though my daughter passed away at birth, I don't ever regret my decision. I still have issues with her father, as there really wasn't any closure to our relationship. But I know deep down inside I did the right thing. After the father and I gained contact again, I asked him why he gave me such an altemadum(sp).

He plainly said, he was terrified! And that if I would have stuck around, he would have sucked it up and been the father and boyfriend he should have been.

I say stick it out with your boyfriend. Worse that could happen, is that he does end the relationship. BUT if he loves you like you obviously love him....he won't be gone for to long, and will make his way back to you. I'm sure he just has a lot of thinking to do. Most men are NEVER ready to have kids...no matter how many they already have!
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1303813 tn?1303159362
Well explain to him what you want and what you are going to do...And im sure when the baby is born he will never want to let it go!

xx
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Avatar universal
Yeh I do, I'm just hoping it won't come to that we'll see though, I hope that he needs time to come round to it, because we live together its not like we don't have anywhere to live as we already have a place, he just keeps blowing hot and cold with me which I do understand he needs time aswell as me xxx
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1303813 tn?1303159362
You're welcome...
I was kinda in your position once... Was helpful the daddy didnt want it... but I didnt have a choice in the matter.
do you have your family's support??

x
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Avatar universal
There's no use giving me the pulling out method advice when its already hapopened abit pointless now isn't it, I love my boyfriend and that's y I am so upset because I want us to be happy together, but don't want to do something that Im not happy with, I don't need Ur rubbish advice you obviously have something against girls who get pregnant by accident so I'd appreciate it if you didn't reply again thanks, and thanks to every1 else for there helpful comments and thanks cassandrajane for being so kind xx
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