Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

church and pregnancy

Hello all how are u? I'd like to apologise as this is long and complicated.
So I've been a Christian all my life and I've been attending a particular Pentecostal church for over 15 years. I'm 19 years old, 23 weeks and 4 days pregnant and planning to go university/college in October of this year. The problem I have is due to my pregnancy, I will be unable to go my church so I've hiding it so far. My pastor has already made it clear to church that any young lady/teen who gets pregnant and is not married or finished school should not bother coming back to the church. I just came back from church today and a sister who I'm close to asked if I'm pregnant. I lied to her and said I'm on contraception which is why I look different and i feel really horrible for lying. Ive decided that this will be my last day in that church. I don't want to put my family to shame (my aunts and uncles don't know about my pregnancy) and don't also want to be gossiped about. I really don't want to stop going but I don't have much choice. People from church will stereotype me but my situation is a bit more complicated than they think (I'm in a 4 year relationship with my baby dad). What should I do? Has anyone been in a position similar to this?
Thanks
24 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Don't let that pastor stop you from doing ypur duty as a Christian and from worshiping Him. Only you will have to answer to that on Judgement Day. He will have to answer for shunning people away from Him.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I also attend a Pentecostal church and I am 18 and pregnant. Getting married this month then I'm going to announce my pregnancy. Theyve never really liked me because I don't want to dress how they dress. I've had this woman preach to me about why you shouldnt cut your hair then she cut hers a few months after. It's ridiculous. But I believe that God works from the inside out that's why I'm only worried about my heart and not how I dress. I learned to go to church and ignore their little talks and gossip and go for the right reason and that is for God. Some pastors are not good leaders. How can he preach about love if he doesn't know love? You'd be better off in a new church :) good luck.
Helpful - 0
363110 tn?1340920419
Hon, your pastor is not being a good example of a christian. Pentacostal, or any other type of denomination.
He's being an example of what christians are NOT supposed to do. It's true we are supposed to hold eachother accountable, but that doesn't mean kicking someone out of church because they are pregnant and unwed.

I was not raised in the church initially and began going to an Evangelistic church around 8y old... got my parents into the church and they got saved. Then we went to a Pentacostal church for quite awhile....

Fast forward to age 18, still a christian but non-denominational... I married a Southern Babtist! We did not go to church for a few years because we couldn't find one we liked and god brought our current pastor into our lives at a Down Syndrome Buddy Walk event. As others said, god wouldn't refuse anyone into his house especially sinners. If we weren't sinners then we wouldn't need church.
Your pastor AND family members need to read the bible some more, especially the Gospels.

Do you remember the story in Luke 7 of Jesus and the prostitute? (no your not a prostitute of course, sin is sin and no one sin is greater than another)

Luke 7:47

"Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little."
---------------------------

Good luck to you and your baby and baby's daddy. Hopefully you can find a new home church, one that is accepting.
Helpful - 0
1346146 tn?1299360497
God loves you and I hope you find a new church home.  Good luck to you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
That's horrible and ***** you have to go through that! Honestly I wouldn't want to e part of a church that would do something like that, or stand for something like that. I understand the whole pre-material sex issue but what about acceptance? Not being judgmental? Having a sense of community? And come on we are in 2012! I would just find a new church one where you can be accepted. I know I don't need to go to church to have a relationship with God but some people feel closer by having a church so find one with similar beliefs to your own minus the whole being shunned crap! Good luck and who cares what people say enjoy your
pregnancy cus you only get one with each baby and u don't want to have regrets cus I'm sure those gossipers still sleep at night!
Helpful - 0
1936698 tn?1333915193
God will love you and your baby no matter what. God gave you this baby for a reason and no one has the right to judge you, except for God (and his judgement is the only one that matters in the end). I say let the other people in church say what they want about you, just ignore them. Just always remember you have been giving this chance to bring a life into this world because God wanted you to. Good luck with everything :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I was raised Pentecostal and understand their judgment. Its awful! When I was pregnant with my second I was in the middle of a divorce (already a "sinner") and had been raped and got pregnant. I had moved back home and my.mom was the church secretary I think is why they never told me I couldn't come. But I sure received a lot of judgment as no one knew it was because I was raped and I was divorcing because he was abusive. Its awful that churches are like that. I suggest you find a new church! Not all churches are that way and I find majority of nondenominational church follow basic Pentecostal beliefs and are the most unjudgmental people I've ever met. Best of luck to you and baby I'll keep you in my prayers!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Unfortunately some pastors can be on a power trip. When I started going to church I was about 25 weeks pregnant. I felt so awkward going but I knew I wanted to. People didn't look at me funny. They were just curious about me. Two weeks after my baby girl was born I was saved. A few months later baptized. Your pastor is supposed to know the bible correct? And if he knows the bible, then he know that God welcomes everyone into His house. No matter what your past or present sins are, God wants you in church to worship Him and to learn from His word. If there are people in the church that are going to gossip about you or your family, they have no right. No one is perfect and no one has arrived yet. As much as everyone would like to think that churches are perfect, they are not. No one or place, aside from God and Heaven, are perfect. People can talk trash about churches all they want. It's bound to happen. My husband and I made a decision to leave the church we first went to and go to the one he grew up in because the pastor at the old church got on a power trip and started twisting the bible to what he thought it should be. It was subtle but it sometimes happens like that. Now we go to a church where the pastor understands that people sin and no one is perfect. You shouldn't leave your church. That's exactly what the devil want to happen. To divide people and to tear them down. If u want to talk more I am here :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
There is no sin bigger than the next. A sin is a sin! & its not right to be judge by a pastor or anyone else! Everything happens for a reason. It that baby wasnt in Gods will then you would be pregnant with him or her! That a shame you cant even to church and be comfortable of all places!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It is not his place to judge that is between you and god if we were without sin we wouldn't need church your supposed to be able to turn to your congregation for support and love not for judgement I would say its time to find a new church.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I thought the bible always said you graciously accept all the children god gives you?! Your doing the right thing having this baby...im sorry you cant share this gift from god with your church...its a shame :/
Helpful - 0
2008858 tn?1343844041
I think the saying "let he without sin cast the first stone" I'm not going to say you should ne worried but I understand its hard when the gossiping starts! Like most have said its your belief that counts.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you ladies so much for your comments. I understand God loves me unconditionally and that's all that matters. I think I do need to find another church, its a real shame.
Hey Amira, I'd love to show off my pregnancy but its not only religion thats preventing me. I have a strong and strict African backround. My cousin told my family (my dads side) she was pregnant (unwed and hasn't finished school) and they didn't take it very well. One of my aunts hit her and she was well older than me. I'm just scared of there reaction and disappointments.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Also if your not ashame to be unwed with a baby then why hide from ur aunt and uncles they will know eventually and if u been dating same guy for 4 yrs im pretty sure they know ur sexually active so why hide from them? They will get over it if not forget them
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think you should find another church to attend because technically in the Bible God states Fornication is a horrible sin and having a child is a severe sin. Just like being bisexual or gay is a sin. Churches they preach about living a righteous lifestyle would be a hyprocrite to allow a unwed pregnant woman willing in their church just like allowing a gay couple attend. People may not like the answers but its correct. Im sure there is some not so strict church who will accept your situation.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow. What an example of how Christ would not live. I agree its time for a new church. Do u want your child to be gossiped and whispered about? I'd hate to think every Pentecostal church is like this. I feel it may be just your pastor. Seek out a different Pentecostal church if you'd still like to remain in that religion.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I would have to agree with everyone else that it's time for a new church. I'm not married to my baby's father and his father is a pastor. They still announced it in church, prayed for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby, and congratulated us. God has given you a miracle, who are they to judge you?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Time to find a new church, luv. They have no right to judge you, that's horrible. I was 21, not married and a preachers daughter when I got pregnant with my oldest son. The people from my church never judged me or made me feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. Don't let them get you down or affect your faith :) God loves you unconditionally no matter what.
Helpful - 0
1395792 tn?1358115792
Time to look for a new church! Im a Christian and I dont judge you at all! We all have things that happen unexpected happen in our lives and its how we come through, how we live and grow! Please dont worry about those people God never leaves us, He will always love us! Just keep praying and reading the Word, and find a new church!
Helpful - 0
2075786 tn?1342908758
And about them gossiping..who cares!! They are the ones sinning for discriminating and rejecting someone from church for being pregnant with another if gods children!!!
Helpful - 0
2075786 tn?1342908758
Omg!!!! I am extremely surprised that a church would be like that!!!! Like lesley said....everyone should be welcome at church.!!!! If I were you I woul go to church...go to the front..announce it to everybody but also tell them you will no longer be a member of that church because of their discrimination and hatred towards pregnant women because god loves every single person no matter what!!!! This has me extremely upset!! Uugghh they're supposed to be people of the lord! Omg where is this church?? I would like to go tell them they know nothing about being a christian!!!!
Helpful - 0
2070825 tn?1337225969
And honestly, who are they to judge and stereotype you? Everyone is a sinner, the ones that gossip are usually some of the worst people. And if your family are ashamed of you, then they're not true family
Helpful - 0
2070825 tn?1337225969
I'm sorry to say this, but I'm not religious and if your pastor is going to shun you from the church, then go can go shove one. Your god will love you no matter what. Last time I was in a church was for a funeral and the pastor refused to shake my hand because I had so many visible tattoos.

I say go anyways. Let them say what they want, but they cant not let you attend
Helpful - 0
1794093 tn?1357930759
Thats crazy that you are shunned from your church?! thats the one place that everyone should be welcome? i just cant believe that its that simple for them to just say dont bother coming back?? im sorry thats pretty harsh :(
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy Community

Top Pregnancy Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.