hubby at strip club

[moodye247]

Today my husband hsd his work holiday party but after his wirk buddies decide to go to a strip club bar to "play pool" my husband in 3years never goes out.  when i called he fesup and did tell me the truth of where he was at. i was pissed and told he he better leave. three hiurs later i called and was supposively coming home an hour past and i found out i he was still there. i must of scared my neighbors cause i was screaming and tgreating him. i got into my car and was about to get there when i saw him drive past me.  he got home and he yelled at me for over reacting. am so mad and been crying and all he us doing is sleeping. I cant dri
drink smoke and now i have to deal w this. please help me acknowledge who is wrong.

[MsKitty84]

Everything Ashelen said. It sounds like there is wrong on both sides, and this needs to be dealt with when you are both calm and able to talk it out like adults.

I agree that part of this depends on your relationship too and the rules you decided together. I've personally gone to a strip club with my guy and his buddies and checked it out; I also have friends who have danced just for fun as well as for the cash. He knows I would have absolutely zero compunction about going in there and getting his butt out if it comes down to that. Not every woman is comfortable with this kind of establishment though, and pregnancy just makes you that much more insecure.

Your life is changing, and sometimes it feels like the boys don't have to give up anything and can just go play. Doesn't seem fair. But it's not really reasonable to expect a guy who isn't pregnant to instantly stop all bad habits, ditch the buddies and entertain you every night either. He needs time to adjust too. Mine knows I can't drink now, but he isn't about to give up his beer after work, and I don't think that sort of thing is worth having some big battle over. I'm just happy that he usually sticks to doing it at home.

Maybe when you get a chance to talk things over you can discuss making some changes that would let you both get out with other people once in awhile.

[LooLooBug]

Every strip club I've been to has a pool table

[Ashelen]

The issue here is about communication and honesty. if you have trouble with him going to a strip club...well...that should be discussed later, after you have addressed the communication issues.

You overreacted by screaming at him and threatening him. But he should've come home when he realized how upset you were. This was a behavioral slip-up on both of your parts.

With that said...when you are both CALM you need to discuss this, and both of you need to express how this situation made you feel and come to an agreement about how to handle "going out" and how to handle discussing plans if you go out separately. And let him know that lying just isn't OK....no matter who you are, or what you're doing.


Now...I don't mean to be harsh, I really don't. But if you think not being able to go out and drink or smoke is hard now, unless you have a really awesome and cheap babysitter, it's gonna get harder after the baby gets here. At least now you can still go out even if you can't drink or smoke..once that baby gets here, you will find it very difficult to get out of the house at all. Or even shower.

But this is the sacrifice of becoming a mother, and you won't miss it if you put your mind in the right place; this is your new Awesome. You will still be able to drink and smoke, but it won't be a priority anymore. This is the time to wrap your head around the fact that your lives are changing, yes LIVES..because your husband should be just as devoted to the home life as you are.

As far as strip clubs go...my husband thinks that they are one giant penis-tease so he doesn't see the point. if he wanted to go, I'd go with him! My husband is allowed to look all he wants, because when he comes home at night - it's my body he finds pleasure in. But if you are not comfortable with that...your husband needs to respect it, or you need to strike a compromise....maybe he can go out, but not to a strip club without talking about it with you first...or maybe you go with him and see what the big hoopla is about...or maybe you both go out together or separately one day a week, but make a commitment to each other to be home the rest of the week together.

good luck..I'm sorry he upset you so much, but I think there was wrong behavior on both parts....although I can understand why you felt the way you did, he should NOT have lied!

[HappilyMarried710]

I understand and you have a right to react like that, if a guy goes to those places its just to look its kind of wrong why would he want to look when he has a wife, my husband was the same, but I told him how I felt and told him how would he like it if I went and watched guys strip he wouldn't like it. It will get better, guys dont understand they hurt you when thdy do. Just be  strong for the baby. :)

[RippedonScotch]

Honestly I think you may be overracting a little bit.   He went to a strip club big deal, have you atually ever gone to one?   it's not like anything happens in there.   they have more rules there then you think.   The girls at a strip club don't go home with people from there,  unlike a regular bar that they can go home with any random girl.    

I trust my husband completely, heck I even drop him and his friends off to the strip club.  So many women freak out when guys go tot he strip clubs but really I've gone... they aren't that great. You need to be able to trust your partner.  

[lilbit_17]

Going to the strip club is beside the point. The big issue here is the lying!!! That would **** me off more than anything. He obviously knew it was wrong and you wouldnt approve if he felt the need to lie. Sounds like you need to sit him down and have a long talk because lying / trust issues aren't just something you sweep under the rug and forget about!

[jojo_bean]

My boyfriend goes out with his single buddies which it used to bother me now it dosent because I'm not as insecure about our relationship anymore, they go out to dinner, bars, and strip clubs on the occasion, I trust my boyfriend 100%, yes its been harder since I got pregnant, but he has also got more understanding of that so he goes out less, my way of thinking, they will either lie about it or you can be okay with it and everyone will be honest, I used to overreact and he would just come home and sleep even if I was crying, but then we would talk the followup night about it, because who wants to but fuel to an already out of control fire? I know I wouldn't. All you have to do is trust and have faith in your man that he will always to the right thing. Plus guys need their macho time with the guys makes them feel important, he may act a little diffrent at work and they might seem like he would go to bars and this is normal for guys to do, I act a little diffrent at work too. I'm not judgeing and I would never just telling u how I see it. The thing that pisses him off or irritates me is of he comes home way later then we discussed then I just shutup and don't say anything and make it seem like it didn't happen and guess what never happened again for at least 5 months and the he did the same thing and I did and he hasent done it since, men like being in control and sometimes they do want a reaction but never give them one. I guess I trust my boyfriend 100% so I'm not worried about it, but it took a long time to get to this point and it took work. Hope everything works out

[KrystLeigh]

I think it really depends on if you two previously had a no strip club deal or something of the sort. Personally it wouldn't bother me in the least bit and I also wouldn't have a problem going with him. But everybody is different and many people have had club issues before. I think you should just clam down and talk it out with him, explaining why you feel hurt about it. Yelling and threatening him isn't gonna get you no where and cause undue stress you don't need right now. Let him explain his side also without yelling or interruption then tell him why you feel like you do about it.

[smiley_one]

I'd be completely pissed if my fiance did that. It doesn't matter if they wanted a guys night out, there are other places that have pool tables they can go to. If the guys at work knew he wasn't the kind of guy who goes out like that, they should've respected that. Then you called him and he still didn't return home, I would've made my way over there too. I'm not trying to add fuel to the fire or create more tension between you two, but you have every right to be upset. They could have went anywhere else, and if they co-workers didn't want to go anywhere else, he should've just came home and said that they can hang out some other time some where else. That is just my opinion.

[Mommyjeep11]

I hate to say this but Ana, that was my first thought as well. lol. Where we live our 1 strip club is pretty gross but they have great happy hour deals. I actually took my husband there with a buddy about a month ago. But none of the bars or restaraunts in our area have smoking allowed so it doesn't bother me. I just use LOTS of hand sanitizer. But it all comes down to the couple and what they usually do and don't do. For us its normal. I think going to strip clubs is hilarious and we laugh almost the whole time but I used to have a big issue with it since the person he would go with was known to have affairs and we had just gotten engaged but I trust him and know he would never do anything like that. I'm 25 weeks and already showing quite a bit so I know the feeling of not feeling very attractive but I know my husband still thinks I'm pretty so I don't have any issues with him going. I do think that driving to the bar to remove him, whether he had left on his own already or not was a bit much. Sometimes its hard for the men to understand why we get upset about stuff since they're not the ones carrying the baby or really taking care of it once it arrives. My husband had a hard time with that when I was pregnant with our son but with my pregnancy now he is alot more understanding but we still go out and do stuff. Last night we went to a dance and took our son and we still go hunting and all the normal stuff we do.

[Gracelynsmommy]

I must say that not all strippers are dirty women!!!!! Just wanted to put that out there.

[Ana_87]

I been to strip clubs and they dnt have pool tables hmmm but i would of done the same thing

[moodye247]

Im not sure if am more mad that he stayed or that he had more fun without me especially watching dirty women. i feel so un attractive being pregnant that of coarse am insecure. well if this continues am not worried about driving him away cause ill be gone.  thanks for the replies

[hotmama78]

I can say you over reacting... sometimes all this good for man to release some pressure at work and also built some communication for his work purpose.. the more you react this way it might only drive him away... good luck.. take it easy dear...

[samanthasmommy]

Your husband is in the wrong hun and don't let him convince you otherwise. Yes, he did admitt it, but he was there when he did and stayed for a long time. If you both aren't OK with those things then he definitely shouldn't be doing them.

[LooLooBug]

Well... it depends on what your agreement is on thy kind of stuff. Ive gone with my hubby to one and we had a blast.