Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
1273995 tn?1304011672

i feel like crying

so i was talking to my boyfriend of 9 months. He told me that if im preg. i have to get an abortion or he will push me down the stairs. He was like i love you and i want to be with you but no kids. im so lost i dont know what to do. i dont believe in abortion but i love this man more than anything he was my very first kiss and love. im so lost.
38 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
GET OUT! Your worth so much more.
Helpful - 0
1145691 tn?1291478338
OMG are you dating my ex boyfriend? Everything you said (except the dead baby joke part) sounds exactly l ike him. He used to threaten to push me down the stairs if I got pregnant. Thank god I never did. He became abusive emotionally and physically, and would leave me for other girls, then come crying for me to take him back.
I was with this monstrer for two years, and would rid myself of him emotionally, then would always be stupid enough to take him back every time. I eventually moved out of town to get away from him. PLEASE get away from him, even if you have to move with relatives that are out of town. It is the best thing you could do, pregnant or not. It was the only way I could shed myself of him.
I was abused as a child, so had a low self esteem too and he made things infinity times worse! The pain inside fades after awhile, but the things he is doing to you, will haunt you for the rest of your life! Please get out before things escalate,its never too late. I have trouble with trusting people, making friends, with sex, at jobs..etc..All because of the torment he put me though. Break the cycle. You don't want your baby to have a Daddy like that..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
From hearing what your bf has said, I'd say run for the hills! I have had low self esteem too, and have been verbally and physically abused in a past relationship. It's hard to leave, but you know it is the best thing for you to do, especially if you are pregnant. You're 19 and at a great age to meet a lot of new people. Just surround yourself with family and good friends. You deserve so much better!
Helpful - 0
1188979 tn?1311264889
wow, is he 12, he does not love you at all, and he is gonna dump you anyway , he dosent care for you at all, he dosent respect you and he does not want something serious with you, you should just leave him now, before he cheats on you ( wich im positive he already has) or breaks up with you.

if your pregnant, you should keep your baby and dump him, he dosent deserve you or your baby, if your pregnant you should think first in your baby not him.  he does not love that baby and your baby does not deserve to have someone like that in his life.



Helpful - 0
1208625 tn?1284765466
Dear, I would leave this man at ONCE!!! True Love is supposed to be great!, Love BEARS ALL THINGS!!! LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS, LOVE BELIEVE"S ALL THINGS< TRUE LOVE NEVER FAILS, If he says that he loves you, his term of Love is to Controll you! You are a strong women, you do NOT NEED THIS GUY to rule your life, I am totaly with LosingMyMindInGA. I don't Personaly know you but YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!, their are enough Men out thier that just use their Women or GirlFriends, WE WOMEN ARE NOT TOOLS!!! For your sake you should leave this Man right now!!!
Helpful - 0
202436 tn?1326474333
This man is a coward, a chicknsh*t.  He is using the fact that he KNOWS you have low self esteem against you.  He's doing everything he can to keep knocking you down and make you feel worse and worse about yourself, then once in awhile he does or says something nice becuase he wants you to believe that HE is the only one who can make you feel good, regardless of all the times he's made you feel lousy. You need to pack your things and get as far away from this loser as you can.  You admitted he's put his hands on you before, it WILL happen again.  He does not LOVE you, he loves the idea of controlling you.  It's only a matter of time before he lands you in the hospital or worse..the morgue.  If he has no problem killing an unborn, defenseless child that has done NOTHING To him, what makes you think he'd stop and not do the same thing to you just becuase you looked at him wrong or something?  Even if you have to contact your local womens shelter, they can help you get away from this waste of space and start your life over.  Pregnant or not.  
Helpful - 0
676912 tn?1332812551
Please consider your options, you're only 19, you have plenty of time to find someone else. I'm not going to tell you not to stay with this person, but I am going to tell you that I've heard "I'll change" before, more than once from more than one person...and you know what? THEY DON'T CHANGE! You already said he's laid hands on you, really think. I know you said you did, but I'd hate for your name to be in the obituary too early, and at the hand of someone else. I'm not saying your man would ever go that far, but pushing you down stairs? I mean yeah it may make you miscarry, but it could snap your neck too...did he think of that? I may not know your situation entirely but I've been in your shoes before, in more than one way...believe me when I say you CAN do better, and I think you should move on pregnant or not. You said it yourself, it made you think about the kind of people your friends are, but they're the same as your BF. For your safety, think about it a little harder, you may have low self esteem, and you may think you're weak, but I'm willing to bet you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Feel free to PM me and I'll elaborate on my situations if you'd like, or if you need to talk. I do know how you feel, like I said I've been there before.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
do you want hi to father your children? regardless if you are pregnant or not you need to leave him! he's horrible. Push you down the stairs? That is a horrible thing to say. You deserve better!! dont settle just b/c he was your 1st love, Trust me you can and will find someone better who will love you and want to have babies with you.
Helpful - 0
317019 tn?1532965586
take a test...the first step is finding out if you actually are preg...as for your bf...it makes me sick to even read of this...you may love him but remember love is never 1-sided...does he love you back...ummm...saying the things he has been is not love...its a tough lesson in life but its the truth

once you have a true understanding of what love is you will find that perfect guy...

im sorry if im coming off harsh but this isnt right....there is no humor in this...if you are preg that baby did not ask for this situation, however it is up to YOU as its mother to DO THE RIGHT THING and if the father of the baby talks to you like that then get a restraining order and remove him from your life
Helpful - 0
1123420 tn?1350561158
how late are u?  
Helpful - 0
1273995 tn?1304011672
my periods late. my bf came in me. ive been getting headaches alot and feeling sick.
Helpful - 0
1123420 tn?1350561158
Yea im completly amazed that you are defending this people.  There is no excuse for there behavoir or there words.  I know you never said they were funny.. i was just saying as if they could hear me.. i tend to do that alot. lol.  but really i can understand you lvoe these people, but you got to realize that they are not people that you should allow any where near your baby... what exactly makes you think your pregnant. i really cant wait to find ou if you are
Helpful - 0
1273995 tn?1304011672
its ok i don't think your a b***h. i know these people, these boys. they haven't really had family's. we all grew up outcasts and living as a family we were all we had. they have hearts, just they don't know love.  i can sit here and make excuses for their behavior all day, cause thats who i am. i defend those whom i love. dead baby jokes aren't funny, i never said they were, hence how i put "sick dead baby jokes". i'm against abortion and abuse, cause i've lived with it. i'm sorry if i've offended you or anyone else for that matter.
Helpful - 0
1123420 tn?1350561158
im sorry hun ive already told u how i felt about this.... But either way if u are pregnant or not pregnant, u need to drop that loser.. its not healthy.. i really want to strangle him and those so called "human beings" you talk about... Dead baby jokes are not jokes. u do not joke about stuff like that.. if you are afiliated with these kinds of people then you turn into these kinds of people and you are no better.. im completly diturbed by all you have to say.  My fiancee lost his first baby at birth 2 years ago.  and that is nothing to make jokes about...  people that love and want children more then there own lives, lose theirs everyday..  And to think we have disgusting people out there making "jokes" about it, its pathetic... Im sorry to be such a Bit**.... But god i wish you would have never posted this!
Helpful - 0
1273995 tn?1304011672
thank you all. your support means more to me than you know. And this isn't the first sign. as i said i left him before. he has laid his hands on me but since we've gotten back together he has been pretty good. i'm taking a test tomorrow and if i'm pregnant i'm leaving him. today i found out my best friend of fifteen years is going to be a daddy. my boyfriend and his friend were screaming into my the phone that he(my friend) should get his girl drunk and push her down ragged mountain (beautiful hiking place). Anyhow it made me think a lot about who i'm friends with and what kind of people they are. i pulled my bf aside and had a couple words with him about how stupid they were being. he simply said this is how us poor people do it. i don't know i feel so stupid now. i've sat there and hung out with these boys my entire life and i've listened to their sick dead baby jokes, i honestly always thought they were just joking. but i guess i just have to focus on me and if i am pregnant, i have family and girlfriends who will be there for me.  once again thank you all so much for your support.



As for those of you who are probably sitting there wondering what i'm going to do if i'm not pregnant. if i'm going to stay with him. its honestly a lot of thinking on my part. i love this man the d**k he is, and he has me convinced that he loves me and he wants only to be with me. its hard i've been through a lot of stupid crap in the past, its made me pretty weak. i have a pretty low self esteem. it's hard for me to say all this, but its true. If i'm not pregnant. ill be thinking a lot.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
First of all if any man said to me "abortion or i'll push you down the stairs" I'd be pushing his *** out the door.
If he doesnt want children he should have been more careful and used protection.
He got you pregnant so its now his responsibility to help you.
If you dont believe in abortion and want to keep your baby, then keep it.
He if doesnt want to be apart of that then leave him.
He is showing signs of being a violent posessive boyfriend, and do you really want to be with someone like that or want that kind of person near your child.
You can do so much better than that nasty man.
I say get rid of the boyfriend and keep your baby.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hes a jerk. Get out of your relationship FAST!
Helpful - 0
470885 tn?1326329037
I'd get the heck out of there - FAST.  If he really loved you, he wouldn't treat you (or his unborn baby, if you're pregnant) this way.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
losingmymind crawled into my head and said exactly what i was thinking....


pregnant or not run as far from this jagoff as possible. he is NOT NOT NOT a good person to be around. he's threatening you! telling you to either kill your unborn child or you'll be physically harmed! people DIE from falling down stairs. he could end up killing both of you! (if you're pregnant) do you really want to have to worry if he's going to jump out of somewhere and push you down a flight or 2 of stairs? or punch you, kick, slip you something in your drink. loose the idiot.
Helpful - 0
1222635 tn?1366396286
hun im just repeating what the other girls said but your bf is a jerk and you dont need to be with him you really should get outta there.

ive had an abortion and i promise you you don't want to do that..once you feel your baby movin for the first time you'll be so thankful you kept him/her. and even more so when you hold it for the first time. if you ever need to talk just message me on here.
Helpful - 0
1166767 tn?1315427171
If you are pregnant he can;t force you to get an abortion and for him to say if you dont he will push down the stairs... What the h3ll is wrong with him? I know you love him but you should think do you really want to love someone like this? Someone who would say something so cruel to you if he really loves you. If he did love you he wouldnt ever say something like that much less think tha. It's hard but you don't need that or him andyou should leave him

Good Luck

Helpful - 0
202436 tn?1326474333
Whether you are pregnant or not you need to leave this man NOW.  That is NOT love, that is control and selfishness.  These are BIG RED flags telling you to run like h*ll and never look back. This is NOT a man, he's a monster.  ANYONE who would force you to have an abortion or threaten bodily harm is not someone you want to be with.  I would highly advise that if you ARE pregnant you don't tell him until you are living in a safe place and have someone with you.  Then if he threatens you again I would file a police report.  While chances are good he may just be talking sh*t, I wouldn't take ANY chances because more often than not women let this kind of thing go saying "oh he didn't really mean it" or "he was just upset/mad" only to end up having the crap beat out of them or worse.  Please think long and hard about your relationship with this so-called man.  What do you want for you and for any potential children you have?  

What you have described about him crawling back crying, blah blah, are classic signs of a control freak.  He's going to slowly wear you down, apologize, swear he won't do it again, but he will.  It's giong to escalate to bodily harm if it hasn't already.  The flirting with other women...well to be blunt, it's highly doubtful that flirting is ALL he has done.  Hard or not this is the rest of your life you are talking about...the difference between being happy and being miserable.  The difference between severing ties now while you aren't too deep or being too far gone to be able to leave.  

I dated someone like this when I was 17-19 yo.  He was a liar, a cheat, a drug addict, an abuser and an all around loser.  It took me getting pregnant, having an abortion, getting pregnant by him again and refusing to kill my child and literally getting into fist fights with him and having him get high with me in the room while pregnant for me to see what kind of a worthless waste of flesh he was.  I called my best friend and while he was at work we packed my crap and I lefft his sorry @ss.  My daughter is now almost 14 and he has never had anything to do with her, he is STILL a drunk, still an abuser and still a loser.  He doesn't believe my daughter is his child, but *I* know the truth.  It wasn't "easy" being 19 pregnant and not having much help (my mom did what she could) but looking back it was a heck of a lot easier than dealing with his crap.  
Helpful - 0
792540 tn?1285186997
Omg what a wanker! excuse me language lol..you must follow your heart and be true to your self having a child is the most amazing gift in the world and if he doesnt want to take this journey with you then only you can decide what is best for you! but if you had an abortion just to please him im sure you would come to hate him.. good luck on what you decide
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hi sorry that he is being so cruel. He is using emotional blackmail and threatening you physically and emotionally. Loves doesn't mean threatening to hurt you or sleep with someone else. You deserve better and to be treated respectfully. If he can do this now when will he stop. I know it's easy to say get away from him and it's your decision alone.  Good luck
Helpful - 0
2
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy Community

Top Pregnancy Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.