Aa
semi good news
Talked to my mom about moving back with her after the babes is born cus me and my fiance & I don't know if I'll be abke to get an apartment on my own within 2 months from now just ain't working out anymore,she actually waa pretty nice and understanding about it but she also told me to speak to my grandma to she if she can help me get an apartment ,so I'm just glad I have options opened now ,cus staying here with him has been really taking a toll on me we barely talk anymore he tries to control everything and I just can't deal with it for much longer ,he still has about 2 months till the baby comes to shape up hia attitude but I doubt it,either way the I'm making my decision in 2 months wether he's ready or not. So yea I'm just kind of happy.
Its okay ,I'm no longer sad anymore ,I mean the situation is definitely sad but now that I'm getting things going and making decisions its helped me feel a lot better & much more secure about bringing my baby into this world . I feel like there's finally hope again to do things right for my baby and I'm happy right now because of that,so no need to be sorry ,I'll be ok (: thank you so much for trying to help by the way ,its always great to have you girls here for support, its really nice to feel like somebody cares. Thanks hun !
@ibelilk yes hun, trust me I've been nothing but understanding,patieint,helpful,kind,through out this whole time, I've talked to him plenty of times about how he feels ,sometimes he opens up sometimes he doesn't,I've told him more than enough that I want my child to have him and I together as parents that love eachother,I've told him how I wabt him to be as a father because of what I've been through growing up,ive helped him by aplying for jobs for him,i always give him complimemts so he has nothing to be jealous of,he knows my past and the many things thw I've been through,he knows I care about him,he knows I've always been there for him when nobody else has,I've suggested couples therapy,family counceling,I write down my feelings and encourage him to write them as well,trust me when I tell you I've put my blood sweat & tears into fixing thia relationship & trying with this man,I mean that with all of my heart. & its hurtful when you put all of that time and effort into somebody and all you get in return is being treated like ****,I've never went out of my way so much for someone in my life but him,and I know I don't deserve it ,so that's why im at the point I am now. Trust me I've tried everything and anything in my power, it goes much deeper than me ,& I can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves /=
And I'm really sorry to hear that, it's never easy for kids to go through something like that :(
Have you told him that? About your past and how you don't want that for your child? Leave out that he's manipulative,controlling,etc....that'll make him upset and cause a fight. But tell hm in a nicer way that you don't like the way he has been acting towards you and you feel that you guys arguing in front of the baby its not what you want for your child. Tell him how much it had effected your life with how you grew up and you want the best life for your baby. You want the child to have the life you never had. Have you tried explaining this to him? Maybe he's not willing to listen, try texting it to his phone "when you have time, can we sit down and talk? There's something I would really like to share with you and it would mean a lot to me if you'd listen to what I have to say. And it will give you time to say anything you feel is on your mind that you would like to share" mention to him "are you not ready for all this? Be honest so I can work with you" tell him you don't want to go about this by yourself, and anything he's willing to say listen to it. Listen to his thoughts. Know what he's thinking, if he's willing to share. Let him know you do care about him and what him happy to. If anything, tell him if he wants to wait on marriage, you understand. Let him realize that being a daddy will be a great experience, maybe hes afraid of the relationship not working to. Let him know your willing to wait if that's what it takes, but I want you in the child life. But I need you to be more of a father figure than a boy friend figure. Tell him he's more than just your bf now, he's your baby's daddy
I've already taken time away from him twice since we've been together & both times I come back its still the same **** he just ***** as a partner and I can't take it anymore its been too long,I grew up without my dad in my life and my dad died when I was 14 after we started getting close , I've never wanted to raise a child without a father which is why I've put up with this for so long cus I want a father for my child ,but not this type of example of a father. Trust me my son would benifit much more from growing up with just a mom than he would growing up with a mom & dad together where the dad is controling,abusive,negative,lazy,etc & parents fighting all the time. I refuse to fuckk up my sons head like that and let him see those type of behaviors from somebody that he's suppose to look up to as an example of how a man should be. So to me its just not worth it anymore,unless he does a whole 360 in 2 months.I totally get where you're coming from though but I've already been through it & tried everything possible, its just not working out.
We prepare the second we see that positive sign. I stop smoking cigs cold turkey. Now that was hard! But I did it. My man is still smoking, it hadn't hit him yet how important is is, but I do believe that once baby is born he will quit. when he holds our baby for the first time, he will feel what I felt when I saw the positive sign on that sick.
Remember, we have 9 months to prepare for baby. Dad's don't really know what to do it think till baby is born
Totally understandable, but before making any decisions, try time apart first. I grew up with divorced patents. It's a hard thing to go thew for a child. My dad got custody when I was 10, I was taken away from my mom and for the next 8 years after that I had to deal with my parents going to court. I know I don't know your relationship but out of experience with mine, try to make it work. It's hard... nobody said it would be easy, especially when a new life is in the picture. I honestly think he's scared and not ready to be a dad. It's a great feeling at first but the more the time goes by, the more you think about what kind of parent you'll be, if the child will like you, if you'll be able to do the things you were able to do before the little one came in the picture. I think he's scared his whole life is going to change. Same with the marriage thing. He didn't just ask you to marry him just because, he asked you because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, and now a baby... I think he's scared it's all happening so fast. But I think your making the right decision giving yourself space. Maybe the space is all you guys need so he can have time to let it all sink in. Men are hard to understand sometimes. And it doesn't help when their friends are putting **** in there head... you can only imagine what they are telling him, scaring him more. My man tells me all the time that the guys at his work tell him **** like "dude she's only going to get worse", "she's not going to want to have sex with you anymore", "she doesn't have a job now, she won't get one" they're telling him stuff and scaring him to where he thinks im going to leave him when the baby is born or that I'm going to lose interest in him. I really think he's scared and worried
@ibelilk thanks girl I apreciate it. But its a a little more than that ,we've had this isaue for a while already where he is controling,he takes me for granted,he works when he feels like it so I can never depend on him financially,he starts a fight over every little thing,he's super jealous,super rude,and the list goes on,mind you this is not AT ALL the person I fell inlove with,I started noticing his change in personality around the time we got engaged , and its been getting worst ever since but then he'll act great for like a few days & I start to have some hope,and then I start to get some hope & then he goes right back to being a dickk,and I just can't have my son thinking that its ok to treat woman like this, I can't have my son around all thw negativity and fighting I can't have him around this bad energy ,he firghta with everybody,& I'm just done ,so like I said if he's definitely not ready by 2 months,then its over ,no exception.
I'm in the same boat as you girl. Me and my man have been extremely argumentative since we found out I'm pregnant. I know I'm a brat sometimes with my mood swing being on a rollercoaster,I do take anything and everything out on him, but it's not good for the baby to be fighting all the time. It's going to be hard, but I've been told time and time again,"you two need your space for a while" and "once the baby is born, everything will change. You will both be more understanding with one another and work more as a team" right now I feel he makes me make all the decisions, and he thinks I don't do anything. Everything turn into a fight. I think your making a good decision, to get some space and get away from stress for the sake of the baby. But at the same time, don't forget who was your first love before the baby came. I been reading books and magazines and men feel that they are the last priority now that baby is in the picture, but they are stressed and scared too. They are the provider for not just you now but the baby to. It will be a stressful time. Take some time away, think of it like a personal vacation for you and baby. But again, don't forget about who helped you create it ;)
I hope this helps, Im going to visit my mom for the same reason, but I'm only leaving for a week. Keep your head high, cuz you can't see whats in front of you with your head down ;)
And good luck with everything, hope it work out between you two
I hope this helps, Im going to visit my mom for the same reason, but I'm only leaving for a week. Keep your head high, cuz you can't see whats in front of you with your head down ;)
And good luck with everything, hope it work out between you two
@babyturnip tell me about it,it really suckss to be stuck /: ,& yea I keep hoping he will for our relationship & for his son but if he doesn't then oh well,I've tried way too hard to keep trying with someone who doesn't put in effort or only when he feels like it. So it is what it is.
Thats good to know that you have options :) theres nothing worst then the feeling of being stuck. Im glad you have a plan to fall on if things dont work out with ur fiance. Hopefully hell wake up at some point
Wow I didn't notice how jacked up I wrote that paragraph until I just read it. Lol it sounds like a damnn 5 year old wrote that post -__- damn cellphones
@Leximama yea its been a long road but I finally am feeling secure about my decisions & about the baby's arrival. Thank you (:
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