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Avatar universal

trying again after 17wk loss

Well, long story short here ladies:
background info ; 1 living daughter who is almost 5yrs (first pregnancy, NO issues ended in c section), one 8wk 'missed' miscarriage that I had a D & C for, and a 5wk one I let myself do naturally)
I found out I was pregnant on June 14th - 5 wks.
Everything was progressing fine. 5wk u/s looked good, but sent us for another one at 8wks because I wasn't entirely sure when my last period was. (I had stopped taking my pill to have my period, started it again for a week then we decided to stop using it, therefore - ending in me spotting/having another period).
Dating of the 8wk u/s was fine. Another u/s at 14wks, baby moving around - everything looked perfect.
16wk check up (Sept 5/14) she went to use the Doppler, all we heard was static. She asked me if I felt the baby move prior, and I had told her I actually hadn't felt him the previous day and that I expressed my concern to the Boyfriend and he said I was worrying. ANYWAYS, my heart was racing, and she left to get me a form to be seen immediately in the U/S dept. When she left I kept poking at my belly, telling the baby to move or kick, or something. And I remember going down the elevator. alone, as it was just supposed to be a routine check up. And reading the paper.... I started bawling... "Check for viability". Anyone who has had a miscarriage - regardless of what week you're in, knows that feeling I'm talking about.
The U/S tech said nothing the entire time. Sent me back to my Dr. and she comes in and smiles and says "did the tech tell you anything?" *my heart stops racing. she's smiling. This has to be good? right?!* I answer "no, she didn't", she replies "yeahh, there's not heartbeat anymore, I'm so sorry"
*insert worlds most dramatic emotional breakdown you've ever seen and multiply it by ten, that's what happens when someone tells you that your baby who's still inside you, that's supposed to be safe from everything, is dead*
I drove home, in a daze, by myself. And went to my boyfriend and just cried. We talked about the options the Dr. gave me. D & C, naturally (waiting it out), or being induced and giving birth.
We opted to be induced so as to not wait around and start healing ASAP, both physically and emotionally.
Sept 12th 2:18am I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy we named Levi. He only measured about 14.5wks. And aside from fitting in the palms of my hands, he was absolutely perfect in every way.
I'm still emotional - obviously.
I fit into my jeans again, which is every pregnant womans DREAM after having a child. But not mine. I'm angry I fit in them again. I'm angry I started my period already (on oct. 13). But in a way happy. That meant we can try again after this cycle, right? Wrong.
I'm angry my Dr. has said my OB/GYN might tell me to wait 3 months or more to try again. It was HELL even waiting the mere 28days to start my period again and now they want us to wait 3 months or MORE?!

So, now that you've read my entire life story for the last month. I want to know what you ladies would do (who have BEEN through this), I don't want anyone's opinion if they haven't endured a loss such as this because you have NO idea.

Would you wait? What if it takes me 3 months to conceive? Me and boyfriend talked and we're not opposed to going against Dr.'s orders. Are there any hopeful stories out there regarding this kind of thing? 2nd trimester loss and getting pregnant with success immediately after?

I'm READY for a baby. No one can take away my sweet boy, I know that. I'm NOT ready for another loss, although at this point, it almost seems inevitable.

Ps - We get pathology results back Monday and I see my OB/GYN then.
Best Answer
Avatar universal
I've been through the same scenario. I lost my 1st child at 23 weeks in Almost the exact same way.  I went in to find out the sex at 19 weeks and they told me to come back in a few weeks to get better measurements of the heart,  and when I went back the technician asured me this was normal and everything was fine with the baby until she began giving me the ultrasound,  she was silent especially when I started asking questions.  She left the room then came back in tears to tell me my baby no longer had a heart beat. As you can imagine, my world crumbled. I was completely shocked and no one had any answers for me. After 14 hours of labor, I delivered my son. He was just over a pound and about a foot long,  the most perfect little angel I've ever seen.  This all happened in June 2013.  Afterwards, I wanted nothing more than to get pregnant again. But I decided to give my body sometime to heal and to make sure I was in perfect health both mentally and physically to try to have another baby.

In short, you just went through a very tragic event that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  Events such as these need time to heal. I think you should wait it out for at least 3 months.  I waited just about a year,  I'm now 22 weeks pregnant with another baby boy and I couldn't be happier.  in hindsight, I'm glad I waited.
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Avatar universal
update:
Dr. Appt went well yesterday - she said to at least wait one more period before trying again because this one was so soon, she isn't sure if it was an actual 'cycle' or not. test results came back, no abnormalities from Levi, perfectly healthy baby. Said some babies just aren't made for developing past a certain time, or outside out bodies :(
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Avatar universal
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Avatar universal
true.
this Dr is continuing her practice in Hamilton, ON after this month anyways, so i'll need to see someone else next pregnancy anyways.
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13167 tn?1327194124
Ribaby,  I'd wait for the pathology results to make any kind of decisions right now.  It sounds like your daughter had a different father than your boyfriend?

And now you've had 3 miscarriages in a row with your boyfriend.  The first two aren't as big a concern since they were early,  but you had a 14 week apparently perfect little baby who died.  I wouldn't want to try to get pregnant again without answers about what happened to that baby so you can try to prevent it in the future.

I'd also switch doctors.  It's understandable that you have anger about this doctor's smiling at you,  but I think you're focusing your grief and loss as anger at this doctor.  I wouldn't keep a doctor that I was planning to go against - and in fact,  she may decline to take you as a patient if she realizes you won't take her advice.

Best wishes on getting the answers you need to proceed.
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Avatar universal
Im so sorry for your loss and theres no words anyone could ever say to less the hurt. I lost my baby boy 1/2/14 I was 7 months and 21 days and we just had an u/s a couple days before and heard the heartbeat and I remember the doctor specifically saying "the heartbeat sounds PERFECT" well I hadnt felt my baby boy and I immediately knew something was wrong so we went in for a non stress test at the hospital and everything happend so fast, at the time we had no car and even though we only live 5 minutes from the hospital we walked there in a BLIZZARD , anyways we wernt even there for a hour and had a emergency ultrasound and doctors came in to tell us that our son was in cardiac arrest and there was fluid around him causing him to swell and that they would normally have me get transferred immediately to boston (im on cape cod) due to there better equipment for this situation but the weather was to bad. So they decided to do the emergency c section there and hope for the best and that my baby boy probably wouldnt make it. My life has never went so fast and so slow at the same time :( I kept thinkin no this cant happen theres no way that he wont not be okay , he will be fine he has to be !!! Well he came out at 6:15pm that night 3 lbs 15 ounces and 15 inches long and he never took a breath on his own, they tried for 45 minutes to get him breathing and nothing. When they told me I remember my boyfriend sobbing and me just looking straight ahead and no having any emotion. To me my world just ended and I felt so numb. Its the hardest thing I ever went through. And its still hard. Always will be hard. And I apologize you went through what you did and im sorry no one should ever feel the pain and loss of their child. I felt so empty , my tummy, my arms and my heart. My baby boy is gone. And I yearned to be pregnant again. They told me to wait 6 months to a year to heal . Me and my boyfriend didnt know what to think. Well we fell pregnant again 3 months later, the doctors wernt to thrilled but im now 26 weeks pregnant and due in January :-) hunny do what you feel is right. Idk of you beleive in god or that everything happens for a reason but if you dowhats roght in your heart then eeverything will be fine. I wish you luck and it might take you longer then what you expected, it might not. It will happen though. I wish I could hug you lol and its such a blessing to be pregnant again and I cherish every moment more than before but holy cow it is stressful!! But youll get through this , keep your head up , you are a strong momma and do what you feel is right. :-) goodluck
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Avatar universal
thank you for your kind words
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6133477 tn?1415996104
I up one morning feeling as though I had to poop and so I went into the bathroom. I tried and I pushed really hard my water broke I started bleeding heavy I was the only one home my boyfriend was at work. Well I was only 16 weeks I was suppose to have my Dr appointment the next day to find out what I was having. Thursday June 12 2014 I went into the er told them what was happening. I was in the er for about 2 hours than they took me back to get a u/s the u/s tec wouldn't say anything she wasn't allowed. I get back to my room in the er they come and look at me again and then they tell me I'm so sorry your having a miscarriage. I started to scream like I was dying.. I was the only one there trying to get someone to come. They moved up to the delivery room than my mom step dad best friend who is considered a sister and my boyfriend show up they told me I had to deliver my baby. At 16 weeks I never thought I'd have to do this. I didn't think it was possible to have a miscarriage at 16weeks well before I delivered they let me have my ultrasound and hear the heart beat my son my son!!!! That's what I wanted a boy.. well how is this a miscarriage and my baby's still alive I was heart broken why did this happen. Well I had my son on June 12 at 8:16pm we named him Cooper he is my world even though he didn't survive we put him to rest in the cemetery with my grandma. He still to this day is with me I think about him everyday. I went into a depression after I had him. Well I am now 10 weeks pregnant and everything is ok I won't be okay until I am in the delivery room on May 15 2015 for this baby and know he or she is okay. My dear Cooper was healthy and they have no idea why this happened to him but sometimes god knows best even though it's not far and I cry for my son I know he is in a better place and safe and won't get hurt. Think of all the positvies. You will have another one when it's the right time.
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Avatar universal
I didnt miscarry in 2nd tri i miscarried at 8 wks i had a D&C & my dr told me i was aloud to starrt trying again after i had my period .. after i had my period my dr gave me medication to help me get preg again 3 mos later i was preg my my beautiful son who is now 1  .. im so sorry for your loss ! It is the worse feeling in the world being told ur baby all of a sudden has no heartbeat just reading ur story made me super emotional because as u said nothing is worse then being told u lost your precious baby .. some drs say not to try again for a bit so ur body can heal but i think its mainly to give u time for u to try to mentally keep it togeth which .. no matter how long u wait ur still gonna worry ! If u feel ur ready i think u should go ahead and start trying again ! Good luck ! I will be praying for you !!!
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Avatar universal
it's only been 5wks but it seems as if time isn't progressing at all.
Vmcgary, when you started to try again, did you conceive before your next period?
I'm thinking if I wait one more cycle, that will put me at the middle of November for next period, and then we'd know by Christmas if we were pregnant.
keep in mind the previous two miscarriages I tried and we only had intercourse once during that cycle and got pregnant each time.
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Avatar universal
So sorry for your loss. I lost my first child when i was 13 weeks along all i eanted was a baby. Me and my husband started trying again after 2 months. i got pregant with my daughter and it was a rough pregncy i was put on bed rest. you have to go with what your heart tells you os right.
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Avatar universal
Smae, even with waiting did you find that everyday feels like a milestone? I'm afraid of waiting, and then getting my hopes up for another pregnancy and feeling everything will be fine, just to be going through this again. You know? At least now, the pain of losing him is still there, so if I were to get pregnant and it end in heartbreak again, it would in turn 'soften the blow' I guess? Ugh, my mind is all over.. I change it everyday.
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Avatar universal
thank you Micracle.
We were just SO excited when I started my period, thinking that waiting until it was done meant we could start trying again.
After my D&C I felt fine physically. And haven't had any issues. So I don't know what to do. This makes my heart ache even more :(
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9634886 tn?1405819605
I'm so sorry for your loss and for what your going through!
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