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Advise on incest boyfriend?

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years. It has recently become apparent that he has feelings for his sister. From the beginning of the relationship, the two of them made me feel uncomfortable due to how close they were. Maybe that is because I am not close to my family? Or because it's weird, he was very over protective, constantly checked on her, told her every detail about his life (even our sex life). This may sound wrong. But I remember every time we went out in public, he'd walk off with her, talk to her, give her more attention than his own girlfriend? I honestly felt as though it looked like they were more of a couple than him and I. He used to constantly call me her name, I just ignored and pretended it didn't happen as it happened maybe 2/3 a day. I eventually decided to speak up due to it just building up and finally told him that it made me feel uncomfortable, he even knew her bra size? Recently I found out something new, in the past few months: he has sexual yhoughts about his sister. He has told me he dreams about it, he looks at her. He gets jealous over her boyfriend? He masturbates over it and has indeed looked at her pants. The whole situation is repulsive, I do not want to be involved. i would leave, the only problem is. I love him, I wouldn't stay if I didn't, not after knowing that. There is different sides to him, I am just so close to him and can not even picture not being with him. But I don't think I can be with him after knowing that. Any advise? It's messed up.
7 Responses
Avatar universal
You would leave ..... BUT - You love Him.....

You have to make a decision.  Your options are to accept this (You haven't changed it in two years) or You must leave.

Can You picture YourSelf living with this situation for the rest of Your life?

Love is a choice.  It really is.  We are not 'bound' to love someone who does not meet our standards and we are not 'bound' to stay in a relationship that does not make us happy.  You cannot change this situation - You can only choose to accept it or leave it.

Good Luck
134578 tn?1602101550
I think that if you stay with someone who is lusting actively after someone else, even if it were not his sister, you are frankly being masochistic.  Don't whine "I love him," pull up your socks and take charge of your life and respect yourself.  You deserve better than someone who is cheating, even if it is only in his mind.  

If you think the sister is unaware of all of this, you could also give her a heads-up.  
3060903 tn?1398565123
I question big time when anyone says ... a partner did something unacceptable to them, BUT are staying because they love them,

I believe that after the big BUT there is more codependency going on than "love" and usually the person staying in it regardless on anything might best serve their own self interests by thoroughly examining if codependency in relationships (familial, past relationships) is something that is clouding their judgement.  

So in this case, i think you need to talk to a therapist and discuss your past.

You have to matter in this somewhere, you need help, NOW.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Well, can't tell if this is in the past . . .  like a hormonal teenage boy thing or if it is in the present.  That would make a difference.  If you feel he is attracted to his sister still and lusting after her . . .  that will get in the way of a happy family life.  You'll not want them to be together, etc. and that is his sister.  So, I'm not sure if this can ever really work.  Love doesn't conquer all.  Unfortunately.  good luck
Avatar universal
I would say... Run!  If he's ok with having these thoughts about his sister and masterbates with her in his mind then what about if you had kids? What if you had a girl?  He obviously doesnt think its wrong or he wouldn't do it.  I'd be fearful of any future with him.  Get out fast.  He needs help, but doesnt sound like he wants it.  He doesnt love you, so save some pain and go now.  Good Luck  
Avatar universal
If I were you I would leave, how do you know for sure that those two haven't had sex yet,see how I said yet if it didn't happen yet it will,he gives her way to much attention for a sister,good luck LEAVE PLEASE
Avatar universal
Walk away. You are holding on to someone that is not yours. If you stay in this relationship you will be miserable for ever and you will be cheating yourself out of the possibility of actually being with somebody that really loves you. He doesnt besides what kind of freak thinks that way about his own sister yuk.
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