Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
1489305 tn?1315179507

Always second best and never in the running

I don't know what it is but no matter what I do I find that I'm completely worthless. No matter how much I try to change how I act so that people see me as respectable, I always end up falling back into being nothing. Honestly there is quite a bit of pressure on me, not from my parents directly, more from myself really; I'm the last of my blood line. My uncle didn't have kids, and if I don't reproduce, my family tree ends with me. Being an introvert, I'm not interested in the admiration of others on a large scale, just the admiration of those that I want the admiration from. I have 3 people I talk to, I'm going to be moving in with two of them soon, but the third, the one that I love. It'll never be anything more than it is currently with her, which right now is absolutely nothing. We went out once a couple weeks ago, but I've known her since elementary school, we had a great time but now she's not trying to communicate with me anymore. Why don't people like me? I mean, I'm attractive enough that on that alone, I should be able to get dates. But it's like I send out some kind of subliminal vibes that tell people I'm dangerous or something, but whatever.

Is there a reason why people dislike me so much?
18 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
I posted on your most recent post, then came across this one.  Meaning no disrespect, I mentioned that chances are that the problem lies with you more than other people.

What you failed to mention is, what happened that will make this girl never talk to you again?  Something happened, something stressful happened somewhere during the evening.  There was 1 thing or perhaps another that you either did or said that chased or turned her off. (I've got a personal story along these lines that is far too long for here.)  And honestly, constantly being down will run people off faster than almost anything, other than being abusive.

I've got a good buddy who is the most negative ******* I've ever met.  Being his friend, I told him that he has a problem,  (I got help for mine) and being a typical male, he told me he "doesnt have any problems and the world is out to get him".  I used to hunt with this guy, but he is so frigging negative, I hunted alone this year.... and am a better guy for it.  My contact with this guy has gone down to almost nothing and I am a happier guy for it.  This guy never has anything positive to say....

This guy quits jobs constantly, because they are "out to get him" or they are too stressful.  (Stressful to me would be being unemployed and not being able to feed my family.... not this guy.)  This guy always wants to be the boss, but is not willing to do the actual work or proving his worth to get into a bosses position.

All this guy has to do is address his problems, rather than turn his back on them.  Until he acknowledges them and addressed them, they will always be there and will always prohibit him from getting where he wants to be.

With that said, take an honest look at you.  You say that you change, but revert back..... why?  The deal is, you're not addressing the problems, but are trying to just put a new paint job on them.  Be honest with yourself, FF.  It is hard to do when your really trying to be honest after hiding behind things for so long.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Honestly from reading your posts...you're really negative and just NOT pleasant at all. If I would meet you and you spoke and acted how you are on here, I would quickly turn away or just walk away. I don't like being around or talking to negative people. You could be Sidney Crosby and if you were like this...I wouldn't give you the time or day to even be friends.

Have you considered being nice and pleasant? I hate being so blunt, but you come off as rude and just not friendly. Being like that won't garner you friends or girllfriends/boyfriends.
Helpful - 0
1836756 tn?1318623015
I just wanna say i think the red fist is symbol of power and i dont think he is being rude hes just being honest on how he feels inside thats what i done that doesnt make ya rude one bit its just being honest on how you feel you cant lie just for people to like you, people should like for the way you are lies wont make it better....
Helpful - 0
1035252 tn?1427227833
Well, not to be BLUNT...but when you're too blunt, you ARE rude.

trust me, I know. I married a man like that...he's never cruel, never mean, but his bluntness IS rudeness.


If your life is great, and you're perfectly happy...no problem. best of luck.

I just want to mention...when I say your problems will follow you, I don't mean the problems that you perceive everyone else causing you...I mean that YOUR self-satisfaction and happiness won't magically get better just because you change locations. people are still people, everywhere. and most cities are full of conformists.

anyway..glad you're happy, good luck!
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
FF,  it's really great that your life is going well,  and you've just had a hiccup where you don't notice that it's going great.  

I really mean that.  Great that your life is going well,  and just at this moment you needed to vent about little stuff.  

I really honestly,  from my heart, mean that,  FF.   Glad that your life on balance is going well.  ;D  
Helpful - 0
1489305 tn?1315179507
You know what's truly, truly hilarious? It's when someone else says how bad my life is, and then I realize, "hey, wait, no it doesn't." I've got a lot going to for me, and a lot going against me as well, often the latter gets overwhelming, but my life isn't bad. My social interactions, bad, life though is pretty reasonable and acceptable.
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Sorry you wasted my time too.

Often people come here and have no intention - whatsoever - of taking anyone's advice.  

I'm not upset that people don't take my advice,  but to take NO ONE's advice,  well,  you wasted our time and yours.

Your life *****,  and you're  not willing to listen to people who have really good advice.
Helpful - 0
1489305 tn?1315179507
First of all, it's been 3 days since I've said anything to anyone. My parents are out of town, the girl I've been talking to hasn't been feeling good and apparently she doesn't trust me enough to let me help, and my best friend and his girlfriend live in Columbus. So some of this is just to communicate with the outside world for a sec.

I just wanted to address your last three paragraphs. Not only will my problems not follow me when I move to Columbus, I've been told by my friend's girlfriend that she has no idea why I'm single and that I should have no problems when I move. What has been, incorrectly I will add, said about my personality is that I'm rude. I'm not rude, you ask anybody I have any communication with and they will tell you that I'm really quite nice, there are hot button topics you shouldn't push with me because I will break down everything you think you know about them, but I'm generally nice. I'm blunt, not rude; everything with tact.

Speaking of saying something nice when I couldn't think of anything nice to say, I'm not going to argue that, I just stood there. It was uncomfortable, the girl was definitely not someone I found attractive in the slightest. I froze up, in front of a dating seminar. I'm sorry to her, I didn't mean to not be able to come up with a single thing to say but I was already out of my introverted element being in front of the room with her way in my space.

Sorry I wasted everyone's time.
Helpful - 0
1035252 tn?1427227833
Is it really lying to be nice? You just DON'T let the mean or rude stuff come out. You don't have to LIE and say "I love that sweater" when you think it looks like a sheep wrapped itself around someone's torso and died, but you can always just smile if they ask and say "it suits you"....because honestly, if someone has taste that bad...it probably does suit them.

See...you're smart. when you're smart, you can find ways to be nice and polite without lying. it takes an art..a craft...believe it or not, it takes cunning and skill to be nice when you can't find something nice to say. any person could say "it's an ugly sweater"....but if YOU say "it suits you"..there's a whole level of deeper meaning that you get, that amuses you, that no one else gets. if your anxiety prevents you from a reply, like RockRose said..you can just smile and make a noncommittal reply like "huh" or "it's quite a sweater"....you don't have to be eloquent or obsequious, just not unkind.

You don't have to conform. you can still go home and think the same thoughts, and do the same things....but how's it working out so far? The truth is yes - a different place might have more people who see things your way. But I find that you can't move away from your problems, and when your problem is that you are off-putting...that's gonna follow you until you make a change.

again...yea..don't conform. stick it out and see how it goes. but since it doesn't seem to be working out and making you happy....maybe you could try something else for a single week.

and just to let you know..it's probably not that people think you're dangerous. I find myself attracted to dangerous men. what turns me off is when someone is too wrapped up in their own ideals to show a little interest and a little kindness towards me.
Helpful - 0
1489305 tn?1315179507
So what you're saying to me is that:
If I lie to people about who I am, I'll feel better, and that should be acceptable.

I'm not sure I agree, I like who I am, I wish people had more respect for themselves and would just be themselves, conformity is the bane of our society. I don't see a reason to conform, I'm sure people will like me when I move somewhere else, especially when there have been several lies spread about me in the area I live in now.
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Yes you can turn them off temporarily.  

Yes,  you can.  

You can go one week acting pleasant.  

You know nice things to say,  you know how to stand there with a small smile on your face.  

If you have such severe social anxiety that you can't think of anything nice to say,  you can certainly stand there mute with a pleasant expression.

YES,  you can.
Helpful - 0
1489305 tn?1315179507
I'm not arguing, I'm just trying to figure out where you're getting your information on me. Maybe some links? Maybe you noticed in my previous posts that I have anxiety, social anxiety, a bipolar disorder, and depression. These aren't things that I can turn off.
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
You can take my advice or not.  This is your life.  

You look,  physically,  like a person others would welcome.  You have a nice face,  you look clean.

I feel strongly that the very first instant  impression people have of you is positive.  They're ready to like you at a glance.  Now if you'd just act pleasantly,  you'd have it made.

Helpful - 0
1489305 tn?1315179507
Wait, what are you basing this off of? I'm utterly speechless...
Helpful - 0
1489305 tn?1315179507
Also, it's probably fair to mention that how I present myself online, is generally how I present myself in real life with the exception of me letting people take their hate out on me in person. That won't fly with me over the internet, at least in person I can see that it's at least making you feel better, whereas online someone's probably just being an *******.
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Good golly.  In reading the rest of your stuff,  it's much more off-putting than your avatar and your message.  

Try this.  And I'm serious as can be.  Go one week being nice to people,  positive,  pleasant.  Just one week.  Change your message here to something positive,  and when you see people you know ALL WEEK say positive things.  Ask them about how they're doing,  say something pleasant to them like wow you look good today.  This weather is great.  Stuff everyone else does everyday.

One week.  It will change your life,  man,  I promise.

You're chasing people off with a big stick and wondering why no one likes you.
Helpful - 0
1489305 tn?1315179507
The red fist is a symbol of my dream of revolution, and I haven't updated that tag line since I joined. I'm bipolar, so some of this may be horribly horribly distorted, but my avatar is a symbol not to be offensive.
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
These aren't subliminal vibes,  ff,  these are messages you stick right out in front of you.  

Your avatar is a red fist.  Your message is "go ahead,  pretend you care".  

You're not even trying the least tiny little bit to be liked.  

I sense this is how you are in real life.  Could you think about putting something funny or pleasant as your avatar,  and same thing for your message?  It's like you're doing everything  you can to be offensive.  

My guess is,  you're doing that in your real life too.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.