Am i over reacting ??

Question

iv been with my long distance bf for over a year. 
at the start of our relationship he would constantly watch porn even when we had Skype sex which we had ever day some times more then once a day he would always be downloading it. i told him this made me feel kinda used hed have skype sex with me but be watching porn. i started developing confidence issues. 

two weeks ago i went to see him and before that he had promised me that he had stopped watching porn  and that i was enough for him. i started to feel sexy and like the way i look. to find out he was lying all along. 

i know i cannot compare to a porn star and i cannot do the things that they do. 

i asked him about it and he said it only when your not there but i know its not true when ever we have sex on skype hes always typing or saying he has to wait for something first  , sometimes we sleep on skype together and he moans about ******* other girls in his sleep and i just dont know how to feel anymore i dont care if he checks other out but if there naked it just feels like cheating to me. 

iv tried sexy outfits , toys different kinks he likes different positions even making him hour long videos of all the things he likes for if im not there  everything but he still prefers porn. im starting to think that even when we were together in real life he was thinking about pron instead of me. 


i seriously love this guy with all my heart but he only seems to think im jealous and self conscious and controlling. 

i dont trust him anymore him watching porn hurt me a lot iv told him this he just gets mad and says it dosent matter there not real but there just my fantasies which also hurts. 

to me a relationship is where the sex is just between us not whoever he can find a video off. it hurts that he would rather look at other women  i even asked him to chose and he chose porn 

i just dont get it why ask to do sexual things with me if hes just going to watch porn is there something wrong with me. hes never going to change i know that but its causing me anxiety i jsut feel that if its so easy for him to look else where for pleaseure is he really interested in me what if he goes further on goes on things like cam sites 

i feel like im being cheated on and i cant do anything about it he know i feel this way. i just want a guys oppionion or a girls. 

am i over reacting is it okay to feel hurt like this ???

Nighthawk61 · Answer

This guy is watching other women, or waiting and typing while you are performing for him on skype? I feel really bad for you and can imagine how much you are hurt by this. You've told him how much it all hurts you, and he tells you you that you are jealous, self conscious and controlling? I'm sorry to have to say this, but he is probably justifying his behaviour and blaming you for having to watch porn in his own mind because of an inadequacy in you. He will never see this as him having a problem, but he does. Most women get to the end of a porn addiction, by telling their partner they will leave unless they get help (for any addiction). You've already done this, You've asked him to choose, and he chose porn. He has taken all of your power in this relationship because you have continued to give him everything of yourself (to your credit, not total subjugation because you have spoken up and told him how you feel and that you want him to stop).   

This is a very sad situation. My mother always said, "You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear". So true. If it were me, i would certainly not believe that this over sexed jerk was not sleeping with other people, at the least. I would also , if it were me, not for a moment believe, that this man wouldn't also be grooming other ladies to do as you are (performing on skype) for him and who knows who else to watch.

I'm so sorry dear girl, but you are trusting someone who is untrustworthy. You declare your feelings, and he blames you for being the problem. This is not a stand up guy. I don't think he's necessarily stupid and not able to see what's he's doing is not relationship worthy, on the contrary, i think he knows well that his actions with you (and most likely other women) are crude, but he just doesn't care as long as he get's what he wants.

He's proving to you that his sexual appetite for voyeurism is insatiable (he has to watch other women when you are performing for him, knowing how hurt you are by it). I'm sorry, but i think you should be aware that in reality, he is more than likely using you as one of many that feed his addiction and if that were the case, would have no qualms about posting / showing your "sex tapes" after he breaks up with you (if not already). 

I'm so sorry :( You can learn from this though, and get over this in time.

Alicia_Brewer · Answer

Babygirl, you need to end it. If it was affecting you that bad and he honestly cared he would take your feelings into consideration, its okay for one to watch porn but if it starts invading or taking over your own sex life and relationship get out now. Watching porn is normal however this definitely is not. Stop investing so much of yourself in this guy and back off, if that doesn't make him realize then that's for sure a bye-bye!! Good luck and please take the advice you receive, I'm a female and ex porn addict and have been in similar situations, vise-versa. Just leave him, put your happiness first, and do it fast, the sooner you leave him then grieve him, the sooner happiness will come your way!

specialmom · Answer

Hm, it's hard to call someone one you are long distance with the perfect guy hon.  Long distance doesn't really give a true sense of a person.  It's just not the same.  Skype sex is not like real sex.  It's basically mutual masturbation.  And everything is like that.  It's so easy to make things how you want them than how they are in long distance relationships.  Anniebrooke talks about fantasy and that is a very common thing in these types of relationships.  I'm sorry as I know that is not easy to hear.  

A perfect guy does not lie to you.  A perfect guy doesn't have a problem with porn.  

He's not perfect and you need to judge things harshly in order to get the right guy.  This doesn't sound like a long term partner.  So, in essence, no--  I don't think you are overreacting.  good luck

AnnieBrooke · Answer

Feeling hurt is a waste of time when you should simply be ending the relationship.  It's like you think if you whine to him enough that he is hurting your feelings by being obsessed with porn, he will suddenly see the light and no longer be obsessed with porn.  Well, he won't.  He is not as engaged in this relationship as you are, in fact, he is not acting like he is even in a relationship.  What are you hanging on to besides crumbs?  In your shoes I would be really worried about what he is going to do with the hourlong homemade sex tapes you have shot for him, he sounds like just the kind of guy who would post them on the Internet.  Time to pull yourself up and realize you've given away all your power to this guy and he does not deserve the time of day from you.  Grow up, say goodbye, and either find a decent guy or just take a break from guys entirely while you grow some self-esteem.  He is not Prince Charming, you just want him to be.

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