My thought is that if someone isn't interested in being in a relationship, you can't make him interested. Maybe this hooks your ego and you think you have to "fight" and all that, but even you trying very hard doesn't make someone want to be loyal and love you. I guess you just aren't willing to let go.
My suggestion is that you set much higher standards for yourself and quit putting up with being treated so poorly. Don't be afraid to demand respect and be willing to walk away if you find yourself with someone who doesn't treat you like you're the best thing that ever happened to him. There are a lot of cheaters and losers out there like your toad of a boyfriend, he's nobody special. Quality relationships are so much more valuable because they're a lot harder to find.
Okay, but how do you give up on something you cant go a day with out thinking about it/him?
Maybe i am thinking about what wish was or what I thought was a really great thing, but part of me keeps saying keep fighting for what you want and another part of me knows I should of ran along time ago. I also know i shouldnt be putting myself in this spot of tearing my self in half trying to figure it all out! I just want to know what ever made anything like that go threw his head? Or what i did to make him think of doing it? I'm honestly just so confused idk what to do anymore. I do know that I love him with everything i have, i do everything i can to make him smile and be happy, but when does it happen for me?
So, I always want to say this after being in a few decade long marriage. There are times when I feel absolutely positive that if I didn't do everything in the relationship, it would fall apart. It's usually a bad day when I feel that way. After a disagreement or disappointment. And then a few days pass and I'm over it and thankful for my husband. I call it eb and flow. I think it's pretty normal and felt to different degrees in a relationship by different people.
My recommendation is to make a list. A simple pro and con list to this relationship and partner. Be honest. If the cons just flow and you have trouble finding the pros, that is telling. If you have lots of pros but one con that you just can't get past, that's another thing to really think about. Or if your list is equal and you have good days and bad days with this person, think about which you have more of.
Another thing to think about is what realistically would make you feel better about this relationship? Then tell him. Men are not all that bright sometimes (sorry men) and need very clear direction. I made a list one time upon my husband's request of things that made me feel good. It had a lot on it. I found that list a couple of years later with things crossed off "bring home flowers" (check, done), "scrape her car off if it snows before work" (check, done), "vacuum the house without being asked" (checked, done). Maybe he did them once but in his mind, he was completing my list. lol
So, he said he wanted to cheat? Sure he wasn't angry? I think everyone has moments of 'thinking it'. That's not a crime and I would just say most men and women have occasional thoughts of it. Hopefully not to act on. Or did he cheat? I may need to refresh myself on what has happened.
And you know, we all have this thing called our gut feeling. Is yours screaming at you and you find reasons to ignore it?
The cheating thing, as to what i know there wasnt any physical contact but I'd be a work and he'd be asking his ex girlfriend to come see him, f*ck him, and got all kinds of pictures from her and he was so into doing it he was practicely with her but living with me and laying in my bed after i got home like nothing happened. When i found it I told him to block her completely outta his life and everything and he said he did well about a week ago i found out that he never really blocked her and was still talking to her I got mad and he tried to flip the situation on me, I deleted all the male friends I had because of him whenever we first got into over everything but yet he still has his female friends (which im still upset over) I shouldn't have to give up my male friends if he can still have his female friends. When im working, 99% of the time he is out doing something and never tells me what it is or who he is with. Its just not right in my head. I know all this is probably just gonna have to be something i figure out on my own but im so confused idk where to go or what to do. Thank you everyone for your opinion .
Well, one thing you are not, is confused. You just don't want to accept what you know to be true, and are trying to replace it with your idealized version of what you would like the relationship to be. But reality is stubbornly refusing to conform to your idealized version of the relationship that you are trying to impose on it. This gives you dissonance, and you think "Why is all my wishful thinking based on an ideal thing I dreamed up in my mind that is not based on reality, not changing reality?" I would offer that you're not confused about why reality does not conform to fantasy. You just don't want it to be true, so you walk around saying it's just so confusing because it's easier than looking the real situation in the face.
The real person, not the fantasy of a boyfriend that you want but the real guy, us acting the real way he acts. That real guy, who is flirting (at least) with his ex, and off and not telling you where he is going, is not the boyfriend you want. If someone had asked you before you met this guy to describe your ideal relationship, it would not have included "And, I want him to flirt with his ex and get naked pix from her and not tell me where he goes during the day when I'm at work."
What you are mourning is not the loss of a good relationship, you are mourning the loss of a fantasy boyfriend that he probably never was. (Or if he was at the outset, he is certainly not that guy any longer. He has lost interest, obviously, or else he never really meant it in the first place with you because he had more interest in his ex.) You can't wish him into being your idealized boyfriend. You can't point out it is unfair and this will somehow change his mind. You can't whine him into it. You can't say you love him and thus he must love you. He just ISN'T INTO IT. If someone is crazy in love, they behave differently than he is behaving. Conclusion: He is not crazy in love with you.
Please wake up to the fact that what you are mourning and regretting is something you, yourself made up, an idealized fantasy relationship. It can sometimes help, because it's not that hard to walk away from a story you invented yourself. Just give up on trying to get another person to conform to it. The only thing that lies that way is grief and frustration.
Your busting your hump for nothing here. It is NOT your job to try and make him happy, you also dont have the power to do that. All you can do is take care of you and your happiness. All your wants and needs are going to someone who doesnt give 2 sh!ts. You are both "convenient" for each other. By giving up on what you need you are giving him that "having your cake and eating it too" It is time for you. Yes things will change when you have had enough. I hope this will come sooner than later for you~
It is easy for us to offer our opinions on your situation as we arent the ones living it and we see things in a different light than you do right now. I remember the days of "hanging on" myself and that is why i say what i do. I dont want you to have to live in this situation any longer. I dont want your son to see that this behavior is acceptable in a relationship (the behavior of your bf). You will never get back what you had as it doesnt work that way. One of these days you will make a decision and that will be that. Respect yourself, love yourself and take charge of your life. We are only given one chance at this thing called life, it is time for you now~