Hello, tis can be long but I really need help. I’m 20 years old and so is he. We’ve been together for 2 years. We both lost our virginity to eachother in the first few months of the relationship, and also we had sex like 7 times following the first one. After the first 5-6 months we stopped and agreed that we shouldn’t have sex anymore. After that, we did some stuff involving oral sex, and then he felt guilty for that also. So he told me that we shouldn’t do it either, that he didn’t think it was right. We have been doing the same thing which is making out for the past year. Sometimes he loses his control and ejaculates after we touch eachother, but immediately after he gets SO angry and upset, it ruins the whole day for both of us. He regrets it. We talked about it a lot.
A tear ago he told me about his habit of masturbating to lesbians. Which did upset me at first, but then I accepted it, I said that he can do it as long as he is thinking healthy. But he isn’t. He tries to stop himself from masturbating or any sex related thing (as long as he gets hard) (which happens when we kiss). I understand and respect his opinion of not having sex until marriage, because he told me the reason for that is that sex is for child making purposes, usage of condoms and such just prevent the natire from working etc. I respect that, and it’s no problem for me. Even though I would love to have sex with him, since I’m atracted to him, and him only, and I want him to be my only partner. He agrees, but is so confused about this subject. He reads a lot, poems, novels, Bible, he is very very intelligent too, he is a very good person, loves to help everyone, but deep down he has this dark side. When he gets “horny” he thinks about awful stuff. When he gets the urge to masturbate, he cant just do it and get it over with. He thinks about kt too much and he ks convinced that it’s wrong. He also told me that he gets aroused by lesbians, other women in the street and masturbates when he gets home. He told me that’s cheating and he gets very UPSET about it like he just can’t function and he punishes himself via hitting or biting himself until it gets bruised which gets me very upset. The fact that he dooesnt want to fo anything sexual with me but masturbates to other women is very upsetting but I just want him to be okay because I’m sure he loves me and we are both very attracted to eachother as he gets hard to the sight of me and we would have an amazing sex life, if we had sex once in a while. He feels guilty because he talks about Christianity and does this stuff, I tell him I’ll marry him and I love him, he says no to everything, oral sex or masturbation together too. He feels bad doing them but does bery nasty stuff on his own/has perverted thoughts.
I was an atheist before we met, and had only one bf who was more like a friend to me, and only sexual thing I did before was to kiss that boyfriend a few times and masturbate on my own once in a while. (I had no interest in partners or sex) When I experienced love for the first time, I enjoyed kissing, hugging, touching, sex. Also I’m more grown up now. We live in turkey and it’s a muslim country, but he was interested in christianity and he was kind of “obsessed” with it. (Still is). He taught me about Christianity and I also became interested and loved it, felt at peace etc (what a proper way of religion does to a person). I believe in good, royalty, honesty etc and live by these mottos in my daily life. We promised we would get married and I have no concerns, I trust life. But I’m very young and I love him, so does he, he gets mad everytime he feels something sexual and immediately wants to stop, but then he can’t stop. He ejaculates and gets filled with anger, stress and sadness. I convinced him to see a shrink for depression (we both take medications) but he hasnt talked about sexual stuff to the shrink, which is his main problem. I am trying to be patient but it gets very upsetting as he has hit me and yelled very bad words when he gets into a mental breakdown, which happens a lot. We normally are very healthy and happy, we drink coffee and go to college together, also live in the same neighborhood.