Big gift before break up

Question

So, over Christmas my boyfriend bought me $3000 rims for my car. It was a surprise. I did not ask for the gift. He put them on my car without asking. Now, we are breaking up. What is the protocol for such a thing? Do u give back the gift? Of course they are no longer new. He has the old ones. I am also concerned he will come to my work and take them off and leave me without tires. He's vendictive and I'm sure he's gonna be pissed every time the money to pay them off comes out of his paycheck. What do I do if anything? If he bought them through credit at his store, can he come and take them? If he stops paying for them, will someone reposses them? Please, help only. No judging.

specialmom · Answer

I hear what you are saying-----------  but the thing is you ARE feeling lots of stress over this.  What I'd really do is ask him what he wants to do.  Tell him that you are fine keeping them (obviously) but don't want any hard feelings about it.  If he would like to remove them then this is fine as well.  Give him the option.  You'll feel better in the long run, I promise you.  Even if you get the old rims back, you won't have it hanging over your head.  If you broke up with him ----------- that would be the right thing to do if he still owes a lot of money on it.  Even if they are used and he can't get 3000 bucks for them, if sold he could get something.  At least half and that would be half the money he owes.  So, it might be worth it to him.  Or he may say that it was a gift and it is what it is.  But you really should talk to him.

I have a friend that broke off an engagement and kept the ring (I know, a little different than your situation) and sold it to get something she "really" wanted.  I look at what she bought in her home and wonder why she'd want a reminder of that guy every time she looks at it.   Don't let your desire for the rims cloud what is the right thing to do and just talk to him about it.

I know it was a gift-----------  but wouldn't you feel bad if you were in his shoes?  So, talk to him and see what he says.  You may still end up with your spiffy rims (is that the hub cap?????)---------  but you won't have all of this worry and stress over it.  good luck

lovehope05 · Answer

The thing is, you cannot put car rims on a truck. So, giving them to him would not mean he could use them. Selling them would not recoup the price because they are now used. I have to be honest. I do love them. I am a car person. No, I did not ask for them, but he bought them for me because he knew I would love them. Just like some men buy diamonds because their girlfriends love them. I do not want to have to give them back, but I am not sure if I should. I also bought him expensive gifts for Christmas. Just not 3,000 worth. I would not ask for him to give me back his gifts. I am more concerned that he will not pay for them. I am willing to pay for them. Although it would have to be in installments. He is a mechanic and he basically went to his boss and asked to order the rims and tires through his place of employment thereby making an agreement to pay them off through his boss who eats the cost. So, he did not purchase them on a credit card. If I decide to not give them back, and he quits his job and doesn't pay, do they come find me? This is so ridiculous. He purchased them without my knowledge and installed them without my knowledge. Do I love them? yes! But I feel like I should not have to stress over him wanting to get me a large gift. I certainly did not ask for them. It was his decision and now I am afraid that he will not pay for them and it will fall on me when I would have never purchased such a large item for myself.

specialmom · Answer

Ugh.  Well, a gift is a gift but that is one of those gifts you can live without.  And if it will cause waves, then offer to return them to him in exchange for your old rims.  Do so in a nice way with no animosity.  

And I'm not much of a rim girl . .  but I imagine if someone else is, they might spot your car as a target for theft.  

I think I have the rims that came with my minivan.  I'm not cool at all.  

Anyway, just call him or text him about the exchange and say you are doing this for him so that if he wants to sell them and recoup some of his money or put them on his own car, he can.  good luck

penswriter · Answer

i agree with rockrose. I wouldn't keep them. Personally i would get my old rims back, have a mechanic remove the new ones and put the old ones back on and promptly return said overly expensive "gift" (I can't see rims for a car as a gift. that's not a gift...that's like getting a cactus for your birthday. smile say thanks and think wtf????) so you don't have to hear about it.

and if he's making payments and just stops, yes they can be repossessed.

RockRose · Answer

I would be surprised too by $3K rims for a car.  For crying out loud,  think of what you could have DONE with that money besides rims for a car.  

I would take your car to a tire shop,  have the rims removed,  and have them delivered back to your ex boyfriend in a public place,  making him sign for them.  

Who wants that gift?  It's like someone giving you a huge breed puppy or something.