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Boyfriend constantly on computer and/or game console
Hi,
I've been with my boyfriend for Three Years and a Half. Very steady, great sex life and have plenty of great memories. Though, there is something about him that really just gets to me. He spends every waking moment all the way up until he's tiered enough to finally get off the computer and/or a game console. So his sleeping schedule is really throne off because of this. If i just let him sleep in then he would get up between 4pm and 6pm, Play all night until the next morning and goes to bed around 8am. When he was working on his externship he still did the same and still managed to get to work but was always late. It discusses me that he doesn't take showers at least every other day or even bothers to change his clothes, sometimes going 4 or 5 days later. None the less It gets very aggravating when I continuisly clean the house or his mess and he just has no respect for that. Never once has he moped, swept, vaccumed or washed our clothes or anything along those lines with out me having to tell him too and most of the time having to remind him or ask him numerous times to do them. Sometimes I feel like I'm nagging or i'm like a mother.
Having a conversation or even getting a few simple words is frustrating too. I can't even have a conversation with him while receiving his undivided attention. There has been about 5 times I've felt embarrassed when my parents have this disappointed look on there face when they see that he's not really paying attention when they want something done from him when he is on his computer.
I love him so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
There are times he can make me laugh so hard and smile so big that my cheeks start to hurt. He knows me better than anyone els and even more than I know my self. He also knows how to make me smile when I'm feeling down.
Just when it comes to this, It's like I'm not even in existence . Sometimes it's like i'm not even in the same house and I just feel like he should move out.
I've tried playing the same game as him and play games or go on the computer while he is next to him, But I just can't sit there as long as he can. I try to suggest things that we could do but he's unmotivated. In away it feels like i'm being weighed downed. I know it's not right to blame someone else's laziness but can see that I've become less motivated about things like I use too and I know that is my fault. When I want to set things right and start a new thing I just feel like my partner isn't supporting me. All he says to me is "Okay babe that sounds like a good idea". Same answer every time.
I understand the concept of sitting back and relaxing, but do you really need to sleep in all day and play all night?
Sometimes when I sit in the room with him and just see him wasting the day, I feel this heart aching feeling and knot in my throat when I look over, I feel like crying. Even when I read other people posts I start to tear up. It's just confusing.
I just want to help this situation we have.
We both get along great with each-others family, we have really intense out of this world moments and I'm not talking just about making love. I really do feel that we've meet in a past life.
The first day I saw him I just felt waves of energy threw me and felt like something inside me was saying, finally! It's been so long...
One instructor I had, had told me once a couple months ago that maybe we where just meant to find each other in this life just to let each other know we are here and get back together later on in this life when we are older.
This part may not make sense to allot of you, but I feel that I should put this here. Every couple has there own side to tell and everything is not one persons fault.
Does anyone know what I or we can do to help fix it?
Above all, I've tried talking with me so many times. Well let me just say, It just never seems to fall through.
I've been with my boyfriend for Three Years and a Half. Very steady, great sex life and have plenty of great memories. Though, there is something about him that really just gets to me. He spends every waking moment all the way up until he's tiered enough to finally get off the computer and/or a game console. So his sleeping schedule is really throne off because of this. If i just let him sleep in then he would get up between 4pm and 6pm, Play all night until the next morning and goes to bed around 8am. When he was working on his externship he still did the same and still managed to get to work but was always late. It discusses me that he doesn't take showers at least every other day or even bothers to change his clothes, sometimes going 4 or 5 days later. None the less It gets very aggravating when I continuisly clean the house or his mess and he just has no respect for that. Never once has he moped, swept, vaccumed or washed our clothes or anything along those lines with out me having to tell him too and most of the time having to remind him or ask him numerous times to do them. Sometimes I feel like I'm nagging or i'm like a mother.
Having a conversation or even getting a few simple words is frustrating too. I can't even have a conversation with him while receiving his undivided attention. There has been about 5 times I've felt embarrassed when my parents have this disappointed look on there face when they see that he's not really paying attention when they want something done from him when he is on his computer.
I love him so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
There are times he can make me laugh so hard and smile so big that my cheeks start to hurt. He knows me better than anyone els and even more than I know my self. He also knows how to make me smile when I'm feeling down.
Just when it comes to this, It's like I'm not even in existence . Sometimes it's like i'm not even in the same house and I just feel like he should move out.
I've tried playing the same game as him and play games or go on the computer while he is next to him, But I just can't sit there as long as he can. I try to suggest things that we could do but he's unmotivated. In away it feels like i'm being weighed downed. I know it's not right to blame someone else's laziness but can see that I've become less motivated about things like I use too and I know that is my fault. When I want to set things right and start a new thing I just feel like my partner isn't supporting me. All he says to me is "Okay babe that sounds like a good idea". Same answer every time.
I understand the concept of sitting back and relaxing, but do you really need to sleep in all day and play all night?
Sometimes when I sit in the room with him and just see him wasting the day, I feel this heart aching feeling and knot in my throat when I look over, I feel like crying. Even when I read other people posts I start to tear up. It's just confusing.
I just want to help this situation we have.
We both get along great with each-others family, we have really intense out of this world moments and I'm not talking just about making love. I really do feel that we've meet in a past life.
The first day I saw him I just felt waves of energy threw me and felt like something inside me was saying, finally! It's been so long...
One instructor I had, had told me once a couple months ago that maybe we where just meant to find each other in this life just to let each other know we are here and get back together later on in this life when we are older.
This part may not make sense to allot of you, but I feel that I should put this here. Every couple has there own side to tell and everything is not one persons fault.
Does anyone know what I or we can do to help fix it?
Above all, I've tried talking with me so many times. Well let me just say, It just never seems to fall through.
Best Answer
Also-- does he WORK? Does he have a job? or are you supporting the both of you?
-- What profession are you both in?
Just curious....
-- What profession are you both in?
Just curious....
Is he by any chance engaging in porn online, as well? Or perhaps very depressed???
My husband was once exactly this same way........... and so much time online-- ended up ( multiple times, multiple fights, etc...) with him resorting to using online porn, as well. this caused alot of damage in our relationship, obviously, but it is getting better.
It all began ( in our relationship) when he was out of work due to an OJI and had just had surgery to repair shattered bones....It took a little while to realize that he was VERY depressed-- and used the gaming as an escape... the longer he was on the gaming-- the easier it was for him to engage in the porn... and IGNORE me, as I did EVERYTHING.... and we have kids- they were like 8 and 13 and 18 at the time... i was working FT and doing everything else.... too. The final straw was me handing him my wedding ring and telling him it was one (Me) or the other (Gaming & Porn)... end of discussion. My rules, if he wanted me-- game goes away for awhile at least, completely-- AND we go to marriage counseling.
It always seems that the 2 - gaming and falling back on the porn use online, tend to go hand-in hand.... The more time spent on line, gaming, the easier it is/was to fall back onto the porn for other satisfaction-- which meant he never had to leave his desk, never had to leave his game-- could have one-- be done with it and immediately resume the game....
We're on the path to recovery-- but still have fall backs sometimes... but working on it.
It's been almost 5 years, now.... and its alot better.... but still--- WE BOTH HAVE TO WORK ON THE ISSUES--- TOGETHER...... It's hard, it's a long, uphill battle... but it can make you both stronger for it...
just like anything else--- drugs, alcohol, cigarettes.... online (and offline) video gaming and porn use can easily become addictions- so there's always a chance of "falling off the wagon" so to speak. Just have to stay in communication with each other-- full, open and honestly....
Best wishes my dear.... If you ever want to talk-- just PM me...
Namaste....
(BTW-- what are your ages? and how long have you been together?)
My husband was once exactly this same way........... and so much time online-- ended up ( multiple times, multiple fights, etc...) with him resorting to using online porn, as well. this caused alot of damage in our relationship, obviously, but it is getting better.
It all began ( in our relationship) when he was out of work due to an OJI and had just had surgery to repair shattered bones....It took a little while to realize that he was VERY depressed-- and used the gaming as an escape... the longer he was on the gaming-- the easier it was for him to engage in the porn... and IGNORE me, as I did EVERYTHING.... and we have kids- they were like 8 and 13 and 18 at the time... i was working FT and doing everything else.... too. The final straw was me handing him my wedding ring and telling him it was one (Me) or the other (Gaming & Porn)... end of discussion. My rules, if he wanted me-- game goes away for awhile at least, completely-- AND we go to marriage counseling.
It always seems that the 2 - gaming and falling back on the porn use online, tend to go hand-in hand.... The more time spent on line, gaming, the easier it is/was to fall back onto the porn for other satisfaction-- which meant he never had to leave his desk, never had to leave his game-- could have one-- be done with it and immediately resume the game....
We're on the path to recovery-- but still have fall backs sometimes... but working on it.
It's been almost 5 years, now.... and its alot better.... but still--- WE BOTH HAVE TO WORK ON THE ISSUES--- TOGETHER...... It's hard, it's a long, uphill battle... but it can make you both stronger for it...
just like anything else--- drugs, alcohol, cigarettes.... online (and offline) video gaming and porn use can easily become addictions- so there's always a chance of "falling off the wagon" so to speak. Just have to stay in communication with each other-- full, open and honestly....
Best wishes my dear.... If you ever want to talk-- just PM me...
Namaste....
(BTW-- what are your ages? and how long have you been together?)
go by yourself for about 4-7 days somewhere relaxing and if it works he should relize whats it like with out you and maybe he will give better respect for you when you go back otherwise he might start helping out
but if it fails try to compromise with him
but if it fails try to compromise with him
I agree i could not put up with that,timed shared equal is what is needed here,tell him to get off his butt and do something with you,if he dont then you have some choices to make.
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If you truly feel that he is the one, I am the first one to say never let go. However, you can't just keep acting like his "mother" or caretaker because he will continue this behavior. You are helping him continue on this path of laziness, irresponsibility, and poor partnership. I know it's really difficult to stop doing what you feel needs to be done, but aside from self maintenance and home maintenance, I suggest you DO NOT do absolutely anything for him anymore until he reacts and notices that you are not going to continue to cater to him and work around him. He needs to contribute, not only to the household but also to the relationship because at this point a dog would be a better companion than he is being. Once he finally wakes up from cyberspace you can use this to communicate to him what you want to see him change, what you expect of him. This will be your moment of truth. If he loves you and wants to be with you, he will compromise and make a real attempt at a change. Otherwise, you should say good bye. You need to respect yourself, love yourself and take care of yourself in this life, because you are deserving of that. There are other people out in the world who have plenty of love to give. The hardest part is letting go, and time does heal all wounds. Best wishes and good luck!