Break up due to violence. Please talk to me

[catlover8]

I have never posted on this side of the forum. I need to tell my story, and I am hoping someone out there will talk to me because I feel so alone. I have a boyfriend. We have been together a year. We broke up last night. We began the night by going to get a movie from best buy. He wanted to look at T.V.s. He asked if he could put a flat screen TV on my credit card. My cards are maxed out and I have trouble paying them, so I said no. He insisted he would pay for it, but he just needed to use my credit. I said no. I went to pick out a movie. He came over very angry. I asked him why he was mad and he told me he was tired of having to ask me for things. That he gave me everything I wanted but I never gave him what he wanted. That credit was the one thing I have that he doesn't. So, he told me to leave him at Best Buy and he would call someone to pick him up. I went to the car and waited for him to come to his senses and come outside. When he did, an argument ensued. We fought the whole was home about how I am a "*****" about certain things in my life. I started to cry and he told me to be stronger and toughen up. Things escalated over this pointless argument. Eventually he made a comment about how I have herpes due to an ex boyfriend. I told him that I had HPV due to that boyfriend and that in fact he gave me the herpes a couple of months ago. Although this is fact, it set him  off. He began to yell violently in my face that I was a stupid *****. I was a ***** and always will be. I am a *****. A stupid ******* **** *****. That will all be delted out so lets just say he was screaming obscenities in my face. When we pulled into his driveway, I asked him to get out of my car. He asked me who I thought I was tellling him what to do. He then began to describe things he wanted to do to me. Pull me out of the care kick my teeth down my throat hit me and then slit my throat until he saw me die. I was terrified. Then just as fast as the whole thing happened, he looked at me and said now come inside so I can apologize for everything I just said to you. I was baffled. He tried to kiss me and I leaned away. I was bawling at this point. I told him I did not want to come inside because I was now scared of him. He told me if I didn't then I should lose his number because it was over. I left and that was that. I guess I chose the over part because I could not see myself just letting go of him saying he wanted to slit my throat. Then, I got home and it started to hurt so bad. Why is it hurting me so bad? He doesn't care at all. I even text him to see if we could talk rationally. I am just hurting so bad. He never answered my texts or calls. Why do I feel like I am the one in the wrong? Am I? I know in his head he has some how made me out to be the bad guy and is just fine with losing me. I am devestated.

[PromisedLand]

This person sounds EXACTLY like my ex stepson.  From the time he was about 16 we would see him explode like this at times physically attacking his girlfriend....he is 38 years old now and has not changed a bit...he's served 2 terms in California prisons (1 more strike and he's OUT)...you are doing the right thing...this man needs serious help and you cannot fix him, Catlover..grieve for the loss, but you will find the man who will love you and treat you as you should be treated....I agree...don't call him or text him.

best of luck to you

Jim

[jenkaye21]

Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.  It will still hurt, of course, but you are smarter now.  You will know certain signs of potentially abusive partners, and be able to get rid of them sooner in the future.  If it hurts that he doesn't seem to care at all, like you are the only one hurting, know thta he has lost probably the best thing he ever had and was too stupid to even realize it.  His loss, your gain.  Personally, I think never EVER speaking/texting/calling him is the best way to go.  If he texts you, ignore it.  Then he'll be the one wondering why you aren't hurting like he is!

[teko]

He has shown you what he is capable of and more. You really need to lose contact with the jerk before he hurts you in the midst of one of his tantrum. If he were any kind of a guy he would not be asking you to put something on your credit card for him. If he were any kind of a guy he would have his own credit and that situation may be telling of why he does not? To call you names, threaten violence because you did not allow yourself to be used by him tells all you need to know. You are better off with out him. Nothing is your fault and I sincerely hope you will move on and realize this is not someone you want to stay with. It will only get worse. I promise you if you cave on this, you will be revisiting this same situation only worse. Next time he will hit you.

[penswriter]

it does hurt loosing someone you love, even if that person is a vile, dispicable creature. (which your ex sounds like it) but like specialmom said imagine if it were someone you really really loved he was saying that too. how would you feel? or imagine if your mother received news that your bf did make good on his word? just keep solace in the fact you made the right decision. now you can find a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. someone who will be a special and wonderful man.

[specialmom]

One thing that helps us know we did the right thing is to picture someone you really love----------  a special niece, a beloved sister, a good friend, your dear mom and picture what you would think if they were on the receiving end of your boyfriend's tirade last night.  

It is always sad when we break up with someone and we have emotions about it-----  but better now than later when you have even more invested.  Good luck and you WILL be happy again, I promise.

[catlover8]

Thanks guys. I guess I needed to hear that I made the right, smart move. For some reason, I have been second guessing myself all night and all day. I truly loved this person, so I feel a huge loss. Why can't I just get angry and hate him? I still feel love for him even though he said those terrible things. I just don't understand my mind and how it must work if I am still feeling love for someone who said those things. That I am sad that I will never see him again. The good part is, I do not believe he will be calling or texting me. I think it is over for sure, so there will be no temptation for weakness on my part to talk to him. You are all right that I am so glad that I made it out of there. He said toward the end when he was apologzing that he would never really hurt me. That he was just angry. That couldn't be true. Anyone who says things like that will certainly eventually act out in some way, right? I just want this to stop hurting. To stop feeling like there's a hole in my heart. I have seen signs of anger before, but nothing quite like this and he equates it to having an anger problem and that he says things he does not mean to hurt me when I hurt him. That he is basically saying these things out of self defense from being hurt. But I am really not that hurtful of a person. Is it normal to be hurting when you are so clearly right for leaving someone?

[penswriter]

be glad you're out of the relationship. if he's like this just when you're dating...imagine if you were married or living together. threatening to want to see you die is not a good thing to say to someone you're supposed to care about. just be happy that it didn't get to the point that he did what he said. loose his number, forget his address and forget he exists. do NOT go back to him or....he could make good on that promise.

[jo929]

I would get out of this relationship now cant you see all of the Red Flags that point to the violence that will surly esculate, if this goes on, also never let a man see you cry, then he thinks he has you where he wants you. get out while you are still safe.  luck  jo

[specialmom]

Dating is for finding out things about a person to see if you want the relationship to go further.  This episode should tell you that you do NOT.  I would not put up with any man treating me the way he treated you and you shouldn't either.  You are in the easy phase of a relationship . . .  this will get worse.  Please please please make the right decision that you don't want a relationship with someone like this.  The part of you that made you leave last night was being protective of you-----------  the other part that is weak is making you second guess that.  Think about that.  Good luck