COVID: Too harsh or in the Right

[SeizureAdvocate]

My husband, and me are super cautious when it comes to COVID. He has seizures and we live with his parents who are diabetic, plus his dad has heart disease. We both still are working in office, however both jobs are taking all precautions they can to ensure our well being.

My husband has two kids from another women. Our little girl who is not so little (19) and our son who is (15). They have already have COVID once and because it didnt effect them in a major way, they feel like they have nothing to worry about. We hear them talking about going out to eat constantly, bowling, swimming, and just all over the place.

Here is where I want advice. This past week our son shared that they went to a small carnival that was setup in town, and out to eat. It was to celebrate my daughter's last Chemo Therapy. We were suppose to get the kids this weekend. My husband got asked if we were by my daughter. He responded by stating he wasnt sure because they were not taking the risk as serious as they should. That their mom shouldnt have taken them to the carnival that was a stupid move. (I dont like his wording, but it was the truth).

My daughter got upset and went off about how she was going to be a prisoner in her own home. In addition she told her mom, and her mom went off about how she wasnt a bad mom and had every right to celebrate the milestone with her kids. She also told us she didnt feel it was right to keep the kids locked up, and that they were using sanitizer and wore their mask.

We both tried to explain how that might not be enough, and how if we let them over to our house it could be placing my husband and parents at risk. My daughter and her mom think we are over doing it. Do you believe we were in the right to get upset and feel unsure about having the kids over? Or are we being to harsh and shouldnt be so concerned?

I feel like my kids just dont get it and their mom is feeding into them not getting it.

[AnnieBrooke]

Your husband and parents have the right to draw boundaries at the doorstep of their home for any reason they wish.

Unfortunately, the situation asked for only a simple sentence of explanation. Your husband could have just said "Sorry, I'm going to come down on the side of caution, you can't come, we're at risk." Unfortunately, he threw in "your mom is stupid," and judgement of them for what they do (which of course every teenager loves to hear about themselves), and you're writing for advice about how to get them to acknowledge they are wrong. This is a more emotionally loaded argument than the situation called for by about a thousand percent.

Make the plain statement that they can't come because you guys fear exposure, and learn not to care whether they think you're wrong. They can think whatever they want, the goal is not to have them in the house.

[SeizureAdvocate]

Thank you. As i said I felt bad for telling my husband my concerns bout them coming over. You only get a short amount of time with your kids. Its not an easy situation though when their mom and my husband cant and never have seen eye to eye. At least we arent being to harsh by not wanting them over. I love our kids and want time with them, but I am so scared of the risk and what it would do to them if they did give it to one of us.

Well we are getting our son, and hoping that he wasnt exposed. Then we plan on keeping him for a while, but not sure if after he goes home, we will be getting him again. My husband feels bad but gets the risk and why I fear this. I work for a health insurance company, and hear the stories of how COVID is wreaking havoc every day. Anyone, that believes it is a joke is crazy.

[auntiejessi]

This made me cringe, to be honest.

To be fair, I'm with you. I'm super cautious, and wear a mask every time I leave the house, and thankfully, I'm working from home and that's not a concern. I'm also higher risk with heart conditions.

Your daughter just finished chemo and has already had covid? Chemo wrecks her immune system, and she shouldn't be going out and about like that, covid or no. Can you talk to her doctor and get the recommendations for her?

Whatever the recommendations are for your daughter, your son should be following, for your daughter's safety. (Also, of yours, your husband's and your husband's parents.)

Normally, they may have antibodies that may offer some protection, but undergoing chemo may change all that, and no one knows how long those last.

"I won't be a prisoner in my own home" is the statement of a child, or someone really selfish, entitled and immature. I'm sorry she can't see beyond her own needs to protect the rest of her family. For now, personally, I'd say no visits.

[auntiejessi]

Oh and maybe her mom is feeding it, but your daughter is 19 and has had cancer. She is old enough and experienced enough to take her health, and that of others, seriously.

[SeizureAdvocate]

Thanks I felt like I was cruel for telling my husband. I didnt like the idea of them visiting. We are taking the chance with our son this week, only because I feel like he is being punished by his moms  actions if we dont let them come over. My daughter says it is her wording, but as you said it made my husband feel like she is just selfish and doesnt care about anyone else.

WE tried reasoning with her about how the Chemo wreaks havoc but she swears her doctors told her that her immune system was fine. We also tried explaining we are in a hot zone, but she doesnt care. We live in Austin Tx.

The plan is that we are getting our son and hopefully keeping him for a while. IF not then he may not get to come back because I cant take the risk with my husband.