Can a marriage last at roommate status?

[Carlie710]

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 4. The last 2 years we are nothing but roommates. Finances are separate (they have been for a while), he has a son and I have a daughter and we don’t co-parent, we never do anything together yet whenever I go somewhere without him he get antsy. I’m comfortable being alone and doing things on my but he won’t go anywhere without me. Even grocery shopping. If I don’t want to go then he just stays home. He lives in the bedroom I swear. We have nothing in common yet for some reason there’s a love and neither one of us are looking for anyone else. Today is just a frustrating day with all this I guess and I needed to vent.

[specialmom]

This sounds like a tough situation.  You don't even sound to be companions.  People stay together for all sorts of reasons and unless there is a toxic or chaotic situation going on, I don't judge.  If it is easier and you want just to proved stability to kids, that is a valid reason. Your reason is your reason.  Are you unhappy enough to want to shake up the apple cart?

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, first of all, there are many different ways to be married -- one would never guess by looking at couples walking on the street exactly how they have arranged the relationship between themselves. People find all kinds of different things satisfactory, even if they might not fit the usual definition of a marriage.

But is this satisfactory to you? And, do you think this is temporary or the way it will always be from now on? After all, the pandemic has depressed a lot of people, and made their lives very different, including (from what I read) sexless marriages, especially if there are children at home all the time. It rather sounds like your husband has a form of agoraphobia, or just depression of a pretty deep kind.

If you think this is the way it will always be unless you say something, and can't imagine living the rest of your life this way, have you considered couples counseling? Again, if it's the pandemic making your husband depressed, maybe things will change. But that's a long time to wait if you're not satisfied with how things are.

If you just need to vent about this and don't need someone to suggest things to solve it, please don't hesitate, being able to talk anonymously is one of the values of MedHelp forums. People might write in to comment on your situation to you, but you don't have to do anything anyone says. :-)

[AnnieBrooke]

ps -- If you don't co-parent, does this mean your kids don't live with you? (I ask because that would make a difference in terms of the opportunity for intimacy.)

[Paxiled]

If you love him and he loves you, whatever else is going on you are far more than just roommates.  Which brings up questions to me:  how did it get this way?  Does he not go out without you because he suffers from anxiety, as suggested above, and if so, is he seeking treatment for it?  And if it's been this way for this long and you still aren't thinking of leaving, what have you done if anything to change it?