Cheating Mom

Question

A few weeks ago I was spending some time with one of my best friends. She had picked me up and wanted me to get dinner with her. Well I had already ate dinner, so I was just along for the ride. On her way to take me home, she was acting unusual. She took a deep breath and had said that she didn't know if she wanted to tell me and if it were her she would want to know. I braced myself for the worst, thinking it were something about me. She finally decided to tell me after telling me that she put herself in my shoes. The words she said were "Kelsie, I heard from a very reliable sorce (the boy) that he and your mom messed around." When those words came out of her mouth, my heart just dropped to my stomach. I acted cool as if I were alright (deep down I was so upset). She then proceeded to say that she had heard from him and one of his friends that my mom and him messed around one night and went on and on. I was just so pissed off that I just wanted to go home, she drove around a little while longer and then took me home. When I first got home I walked in the door and had gone into the living room and said "Mom, we need to talk (in a very pissed off tone)" She then started to act a little weird as if she knew that I had found out. My little brother was sitting beside her, so I decided that I couldn't confront her about it. Not to mention, my dad was also like two rooms over from the living room. I just then decided to go to my room and cool off a little bit. I proceeded to text the guy that apparently ****** my mom. He totally denied that ****, but I think he just did that to not make me so upset, because if you have heard about one of your parents doing something with one of your friends, you to would be upset about it. So I then believed him and I went down to talk to my mom and tell her I didn't need to talk to her anymore. A few days later I had call my other best friend and told her I needed to talk to her. Well we were hanging out that night and I had told her I was just going to tell her in person. She then said that she may already know about it and to say something that may trigger her knowing. Well so I said the kids name and she had said, "oh, yeah I heard about that, he actually told me." That made me even more pissed off, because she is one of my best friends, actually she is my BEST friend, and she didn't tell me about it. It just upset me because I was seriously one of the only people to not know about that in my friend group. You'd think that they would have told me, no matter how it made me feel, just as long as I knew about it. I then had this urge to just talk to my mom about it. Well I thought, no time better than now. She was in the kitchen, putting dinner away (we had a dinner party that night and she was just cleaning up). I looked at her and said, "We need to talk." She then was like, "What, what's wrong?" I then said, "I heard that you had sex with ****." She had nothing to say about it then, noooo. The no was more like she was in shock that I had found out. But seriously, it just tore me up inside. I was just thinking about my poor dad, he is seriously the sweetest father ever. He works so hard for what we have. I just couldn't believe that she had done that to him. It just pisses me off because I can't tell my dad and it just eats me up inside. Lately my mom has been unusualy nice to me, giving me money and other non-normal things that she never used to do for me. My friends all say that I can blackmail her to get what I want, but seriously, I don't see the point in that. I don't know, it just eats me up inside, makes me kind of depressed. I guess there is really nothing that I can do about it now, it's in the past and it's already been done.

sweetpea03 · Answer

I agree with margypops, I think you need to talk to your mom. "Hey mom, I heard a rumor going around that said x,y,z, and want to know what is going on"... Something to that extent. You have heard a lot of things from "friends", but it's better to go to the source than just listen to what others say.

margypops · Answer

Sounds like you need to have a long chat with your Mom and find out if it was true and not some slander, it reads that a lot of gossiping has been going on with "Friends" and you could distance your self from that , she is your Mom and even if she did wrong it would be better to have a frank discussion with her instead of all these other people.

brooklyn_gal · Answer

Kelsie,

I agree with Jaybay.  I am not by any means advising you to "forgive" your mother, but  that your mother is a human being who makes mistakes.  

Clearly your mother and father are having some issues, but on the other hand this is their issue and it had nothing to do with you.

The "boy" is an a*s*s/idiot for talking (whether it's true or not), but your friends didn't have to partake in spreading this info.

No matter what happened, your mother still deserves your love and respect.  Trust me, you don't know the whole story.  You especially don't know what drove your mother to do what ever it is you were told she did.

AnxiousGurl · Answer

I cant imagine the way you must feel right now. It has to be a horrible position to be in. That's disgusting behaviour whether or not it was your friend....It's bad enough she cheated. Alcohol is no excuse. How many other times has this happened. I mean you dont know if she's had other flings. I hope it's just a rumor, I really do. But by her reaction...it sounds suspicious. I think you need to sit her down and let her know how angry you are that she could do something like that to your Dad, and the marriage shouldnt continue with betrayal and infidelty...If she confesses to you....what are you going to do? She's only being nice to you bc she's scared you;ll tell your Dad.....someone should, your mother should. He might already suspect it. Im soo sorry that you have to experience this. Your mom should be sooo ashamed. Whatever happens I wish everything ends up being ok

kelsie · Answer

Thank you so much for posting to this, well one of my best friends is actually my cousin (same age, we're both 19). They were actually three of my best friends that had told me about this situation. I guess that it had happened over christmas break. That's one of the things that had bothered me, that they'd known about this for that long and I'd just found out. The guy that is the one that did stuff with my mom is 22, I think, he's the same age if not a little bit older than my older brother. That was another reason why it again bothered me, he was in my brother's grade. I do have so much love for my father, that I can't tell him, because I definitly don't want to be the one to have to ruin something like their marriage (22 years).
To be honest, I don't think that I can forgive her. She also know's that, since I have told her that what she did was something that I could not forgive her for. Since when I had confronted her about it, all she could say was NOOOO (in like a whisper, like she was shocked that I had found out about it). My best friend Kaytee had told me that the guy had told her. When he had told her, I guess I was at the same place they were at, but I didn't feel good, so I had went to bed early in my friend's room.
I just feel disgusted about the situation, my mom is 42 and she's messing about with 22 year old's, while supposivly (sp?) being happily married to my father. I know that people said that there was alcohol involved, but that shouldn't matter, you still have morals and can say no.

Jaybay · Answer

Oh kelsie.  I'm so sorry you had to get dragged into something so sordid.  Of course you feel terrible!  Assuming it's true that your mother played the ***** to a high school boy, there is no sin on you.  Likely you will never know if this thing truly happened or not, and the rumors will keep on spinning.  Please don't take this event as an opportunity for emotional blackmail.  Whatever "friend" suggested that course of action is no friend.  Frankly, I'm on the fence as to whether the people who brought this to your attention are friends or mere gossipmongers.  

Your love and respect for your father is refreshingly admirable and I pray you never lose that.  He is an adult, and he knows your mother far better than you do.  If she makes it a habit to seduce young boys, do you really think he doesn't suspect something is wrong?  

I have no idea which way to advise you to turn.  You have very good reason to be upset and I applaud you for having the courage to confront your mother about such a thing.  So do you suffer in silence and see if the whole thing blows over?  Do you take the rumors to your father and risk a major family blow out?  I just don't know.  

When I've been stuck in such situations in my life, the first thing I try to imagine is "what is the worst thing that could happen?"  What are the consequences?  Will any good come from my own actions?  Most of the time, the answer to the last question is "no."  And I don't mean "good for me" - I mean "good" in the sense that the situation can be resolved to the benefit of all parties concerned.  IF this thing actually happened the way your compandres say it did, perhaps it was a one-time mistake that will never happen again.  If so, can you forgive your mother and let it go?  Can you let her bear the weight of her own guilt?