Clear but whitish hard/dry stuff in wife’s panties.

[PDog_007]

So lately I’ve noticed an abnormal amount of discharge or whatever it is in my wife’s panties when doing the laundry. I know it’s completely normal for a woman’s body to have discharge but we’ve been together for six years and it’s never been this much. And I’m talking like the panties are covered in it. But also she has said that she doesn’t quite want to be with me right now and wants to just do her own thing and get her own place but she doesn’t want to get a divorce. And she’s also been hanging out with this guy super late that she claims is just a really great friend. Like coming home at four in the morning late. But they literally do everything together a lot of things that most couples would do together and she doesn’t want to do things with me anymore. And just says that she doesn’t want to have to worry about finding a babysitter so we can do things and she doesn’t want to just bring them along so I end up staying home with the kids and then she goes and does those things with him. Anyways I’ve noticed this abnormal amount of stuff in her panties more so after she’s hung out with him. I don’t want to make it seem like I’m just checking her panties because I’m the one that does the laundry in the household and when she comes home she gets undressed in the bathroom so I have to take them out of the bathroom and put them in the laundry room and that’s when I notice. And she only gets undressed in the bathroom after coming home from hanging out. With everything going on I just don’t know what to think because again it’s normal for the vagina to do that but just that much and only when they hang out just makes me worry.

[auntiejessi]

So first, white discharge is usually normal. As you've said, women's discharge can vary a lot during the month, and as women go through different changes in life. She could have a slight yeast infection or something, or if she started or changed methods of birth control, that could cause it.

Obviously, there is more going on here, and I don't know if you're asking us if it's semen or just discharge. There's no way for us to know that.

Does it matter, though? She could be having sex with this other guy and using condoms, and you wouldn't have physical evidence. It's not as if this is your only clue that something inappropriate is happening.

I'd say the panties alone wouldn't be nearly enough evidence of something, and could be anything, even with the going/staying out and relationship/friendship with the other guy.

The going/staying out and other guy are separate from the panties, and are things that need to be addressed, even if the panties didn't exist.

I'd suggest counseling, and if she won't go, go by yourself.

[PDog_007]

Right obviously I can’t just go based off of the panties and it has been addressed multiple times but she just gets mad and seems to not care about my feelings whatsoever and I’m not really accusing either I’m just asking her like you know what’s going on. And it’s just strange because she’s never been this way until about a year ago this month and we have talked about going to counseling but now she seems like she just doesn’t really care to even do that.

[PDog_007]

And I also thought it was strange that she said she doesn’t want to get a divorce but she doesn’t want to be with me and wants to get another place and she’s 24 and is constantly talking about not getting to experience life which is normal around this age but another thing is that the kids are starting to notice as well

[auntiejessi]

There are probably lots of reasons not to divorce - finances, insurance (if you live in the US), not having to say she's divorced, not having others know, having some freedom for awhile and keeping you on the back burner.

You do have power, though. You can decide that this is not an option for you. You can decide that you're either going to work on the marriage together with reasonable marriage goals - like not staying out with other people until the middle of the night - or you're going to divorce.

You're right - 24 is young. You've been with her since she was 18. She is a wife and mom, though.

I don't know if this is something you can work through this or not, but if she won't go to counseling with you, go alone.

I'm sorry.

(I'm also going to get this moved to Relationships to get more eyes on it.)