Convincing my boyfriend to take care of his appearance.

[Noxic]

I apologize if I'm in the wrong forum with this question,but how can I convince my boyfriend to dress more attractively sometimes?
It's not that I don't like how he looks and dresses now - I already think he's attractive - but I ask him sometimes to do some little things like put his hair up.I love when men with long hair wear their pulled back in a low ponytail,and I would love to see that on him some days.
When I mention it,I try to be light about it because I don't want to be straightforward with my reasons for asking him to do some things - I don't want to say "it would look really attractive" because I would feel a little humiliated or shy about saying that.(I also wouldn't mind getting him to go shopping for some clothes that I would like to see on him,since his outfits are a little silly in a mismatching way and he doesn't own much clothes,but I really don't mind what he wears too much.That would just be a nice something,though he refused the offer the first time I mentioned it.)Is there a way to get him to be interested in making me think he looks great,to get some "you look cute today" comments from me?

[Noxic]

I understand that he's not a doll to dress up,and I'm not thinking of it that way.I love him for how he is and his appearance is not the only thing I care about.The relationship is going well,so there is nothing that needs work on.Why I'm asking this question is,love is attraction inside and out,and though you may not love some things about the other and it's about accepting those things,there's no problem with talking about the other about the things that you simply accept.This is cooperation.
Aside to that,He's very comfortable with his clothes,and I'm happy that he's comfy in what he wears,so that's why I'm not too worried about what he wears.As I have said,it would just be something nice(like eating a sandwich vs eating a bowl of ice cream - sandwiches are certainly more satisfying,but ice cream gives that sweetness that tastes good for the time being;his comfort and happiness is more satisfying,but dressing more nicely is also good for the time being as long as it doesn't interfere with his comfort).
I still might go shopping for him every once in a while,but in a way that will work more with what he likes.I'll buy things for the clothes that he already has:matching shirts for his pants,matching pants for his shirts.I'll get him some hair care products to make him happier with taking care of his hair.I know he cares about how his hair looks,and that's what's convincing him that not brushing it is better,but he doesn't care about its health.I want to be able to play with it while keeping him happy with how it looks.Thank you very much for the suggestion.He'll need a very good thing for detangling his hair when I put a comb through it for the first time in a while.The first step is the hardest.

[CML2014]

Hi Noxic,

Well I have been with my husband some 30 years. He is very handsome but cloths are just not his priority. Everyone knows him by his t shirts and shorts--same ole same ole. He does get hair cuts but when we go out we look like we came with different partners. I am usually all dressed up and he is in his shorts and t-shirts. The man is 73 years old and  frankly we have always joked about his  resistance to up grade his looks.

He is happy and that makes me happy. I feel If you love someone you want what makes them happy--if their sense of style is off that would be the least of my worries.

I would however suggest- Wen hair products. they are great detangles for very thick frizzy hair. I mean it is really not good if you can't get a comb through it ....just sayin

Good Luck and Be happy,
CML

[Londres70]

Agree with SM.

I would just accept he is what he is.  This is borderlining on trying to change someone into someone else.  If he isn't worried about why are you?

I think I would worry more about how he is treating you vs. sweating the small stuff, e.g. his hair and his clothes.  

He is no doll to dress up nor are you.  You both are entitled to your opinions, but you shouldn't be making the other feel as if clothing and/or hairstyles should be changed because the other doesn't like it.

Shop for yourself and let him shop for himself.  If he asked you to go shopping for him that would be something different.

[specialmom]

I personally think getting too caught up in this stuff or critiquing clothes and hair has to be couple dependent as many wouldn't be interested in that.  I wouldn't.  

Do you like his hair?  

[Noxic]

He tells me his opinions on any new haircuts I get or new outfits I buy.He didn't like a past haircut I had,he thought it looked silly,and even though I liked it,I changed it back without hurt feelings.He decided about a year later that he liked that haircut,so I've been sticking with that one since we now both like it.I also do most of my clothing shopping online,and I usually ask his opinion about the clothes before I buy them.I care about how I look to him as much as how I look to myself.
I would go shopping for him alone and bring him back some clothes as a surprise,but I want to bring him with me to make sure I don't get him something he doesn't like.I've bought him a t-shirt or pair of pajama pants here and there,but I haven't done anything major.I'm starting to get a grip on what kind of clothes he enjoys wearing,but I'm still not sure about what styles he likes.
As for his hair,he gets really frustrated with it.I know he doesn't like how frizzy it can get.He doesn't brush it anymore,so letting me play with it is a hassle because brushing it hurts him a lot.(I've been thinking of buying him some hair care products so he can be happier with his hair and so it will keep the curls he is trying to learn how to maintain.)I can't really sit down with him and style his hair experimentally anymore.

[specialmom]

Well, I guess I would ask how you'd feel if he said to you that he wanted you to do something different with your hair or that your outfits were silly?  might   hurt your feelings?  

With his hair, you can tell him that you LOVE his hair and then do it for him.  Sit him down when it is freshly washed and say "I want to see how this looks on you" and do it for him.  

For clothes, well.  I don't know.  I buy my husband's clothes usually.  He could care less about fashion.  So, I just do it.  But your guy would need to verbalize that with you.  I'd look for an opportunity like his saying he is going shopping to say "want me to go with you??  I'm happy to help."  Or buy him an outfit yourself.

You just have to watch out for someone that feels like you want them to be someone else than they are.   My husband didn't care about what clothes he wore so he was easy.  Some guys aren't as open.  

good luck