Aa
Lied Too
I've been with my other half for 9 years and lately he has been lying to me about this one lady and he says that they are only friends. I would call him to see where he is and would lie to me and tell me the place he says he is but then I drive by the ladys house and he's there! I've talked to her and she told me that nothing is going on and that he is not her type and that she is in love with her other half, but I just don't understand why he and her are so close like that and why he always have to lie to me about being there with her. I don't know what to do or think anymore. He says he loves me and the kids but seems to always back her up when I tell him that I don't want him to go around her anymore...He say's that, thats his friend and he will always talk and go over there and help her when she needs help...What should I think about that?! HELP I feel like I'm losing my mind and him due to this lady!
It is a good thing that you do not allow your other half to come back home and you are protecting your children. It would be very traumatic for them if they were to witness the police come to your house to get your "other half" if he were there.
If the little ones ask questions, give them a hug and say something on the lines that their daddy is ill and that you do not know where daddy is and when daddy will be coming back home, but that you hope it will be soon.
You are not telling them all the details, but at the same time you are being honest with them. Pick a time to tell your young ones when things are calm and you are relaxed.
It is good that you are able to cry and get out your bottled up feelings into the open. Bottling grief inside is much worse and by crying you are releasing those emotions.
I am not familiar about drug use. If your "other half" was a personal drug user and not a supplier, would he still be had by the cops?
I do wish you all the best and the strength to carry on as best you can.
God Bless.
If the little ones ask questions, give them a hug and say something on the lines that their daddy is ill and that you do not know where daddy is and when daddy will be coming back home, but that you hope it will be soon.
You are not telling them all the details, but at the same time you are being honest with them. Pick a time to tell your young ones when things are calm and you are relaxed.
It is good that you are able to cry and get out your bottled up feelings into the open. Bottling grief inside is much worse and by crying you are releasing those emotions.
I am not familiar about drug use. If your "other half" was a personal drug user and not a supplier, would he still be had by the cops?
I do wish you all the best and the strength to carry on as best you can.
God Bless.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ahhh. I'm so sorry. When the police do catch up with him and he is given a time out, that will be the first step but I just hope he realizes all he is missing out on and then wants to 'really' recover as you have. I'm so glad you chose sobriety and it sounds like you are strong and not wavering in that. Good for you!
Let us know how things unfold. peace and hugs to you
Let us know how things unfold. peace and hugs to you
Yes I don't let him stay at the house anymore and more so he don't want to go there either because the police is looking for him mow, my kids are safe and happy and the older one's understands what is going on its the two little one's that misses their daddy:( It hurts me so bad I cry all the time for them...I don't know what to tell them anymore!
I hear you it is the drugs that is the problem! I used drugs for 11 years and now Im clean for 10 years in April. I got CPS called on my and Im so greatful now that it happened, cause my life is so much better now...I was really mad when I got CPS because my kids got taken away from my and I had to go to treatment, but when I got there and got cleaned out and I could think straight I was so thankful for another chance in life. I cant wait till my other half can see that too!
I agree that you did the right thing about reporting your "other half" and his "friend" with regard to the drug issues.
He may not be thanking you for it right now. But with time when he has help to get off the drug addiction, hopefully he will come to realise that through the drugs he has such a lot to lose.
It is your decision whether you feel it is worth giving him your support, but your priority now is your own wellbeing and those of your children.
Wishing all the best.
He may not be thanking you for it right now. But with time when he has help to get off the drug addiction, hopefully he will come to realise that through the drugs he has such a lot to lose.
It is your decision whether you feel it is worth giving him your support, but your priority now is your own wellbeing and those of your children.
Wishing all the best.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh no. I was so hoping against hope that he was just trying to hope this woman while she uses but dang, he's using too. Sounds like he has a history of drug abuse and he's relapsed. Sweetie, that is what this is about and is much more of that than 'another woman'. He's over with her because of the drugs . . . that is what is mainly attracting him. And addiction is the kind of thing that steals one's brain. He's caught up in it and can't make a good decision right now.
I think you did the right thing to call cps if you think her kids were in danger and if your husband has a record and getting in trouble again for drugs will help get him cleaned up, then I'm all for it. But it is so hard because people really only stop doing drugs when THEY want to.
I think your only option is to stand strong and tell him that you are here for him if he gets clean but you can't be with him when he is using. That strong stance is really the only way to go about setting a boundary and that boundary often is one of the consequences that someone sees to continuing to use. Your not being there AT ALL if he is using makes using less attractive. He still may do it---- because drugs can be bigger than anything else to someone----------- but eventually, he will see all he has lost due to it and maybe decide sobriety is worth having.
The woman isn't the problem, it's the drugs. Just remember that going forward and be really strong with him. It can't go on as it has. peace
I think you did the right thing to call cps if you think her kids were in danger and if your husband has a record and getting in trouble again for drugs will help get him cleaned up, then I'm all for it. But it is so hard because people really only stop doing drugs when THEY want to.
I think your only option is to stand strong and tell him that you are here for him if he gets clean but you can't be with him when he is using. That strong stance is really the only way to go about setting a boundary and that boundary often is one of the consequences that someone sees to continuing to use. Your not being there AT ALL if he is using makes using less attractive. He still may do it---- because drugs can be bigger than anything else to someone----------- but eventually, he will see all he has lost due to it and maybe decide sobriety is worth having.
The woman isn't the problem, it's the drugs. Just remember that going forward and be really strong with him. It can't go on as it has. peace
If He is using drugs - well then, the other woman is not Your 'biggest' problem - HE is!! and Your Children as well
If He is not making the Children a priority - well then, You must!!
No matter He's "a really good man and father when He's not using" - the fact is: A Person Who Uses Is Defined By Their Drug(s). This I Know Is True and You need to protect Your Children. They need to know/see that You will not tolerate drug use.
Good Luck
If He is not making the Children a priority - well then, You must!!
No matter He's "a really good man and father when He's not using" - the fact is: A Person Who Uses Is Defined By Their Drug(s). This I Know Is True and You need to protect Your Children. They need to know/see that You will not tolerate drug use.
Good Luck
My last two boys is his. My other 5 is from three different men. I've been trying to talk to him but he's in a different world now that he uses drugs, that's why I called his PO and CPS because they both don't see how they are affecting our kids life! And yes don't get me wrong I was mad too and I'm still mad due to the fact that he keeps backing her up. I just don't get it. I love this man to death cause I no that he's a really good man and father to our kids when he's not using. I just hope he gets his life together soon, for the sake of our kids:(
Yes he is doing grugs also:( Thats why he's has been hanging around her alot! He doesn't come hoem anymore cause I called his PO on him and told them that he was using again, I did it in good intentions cause I wanted him to think in jail and clean up.
COMMUNITY LEADER
That is a good idea to get a sitter or someone to watch the kids so they can have a real talk Jemma. Agree that I hope the couple can work things out.
I would need to know where he is at with the drug situation--- if he is participating. Wondering if there is any information on that. That makes the problem a bit different to deal with.
Lots of luck to the poster.
I would need to know where he is at with the drug situation--- if he is participating. Wondering if there is any information on that. That makes the problem a bit different to deal with.
Lots of luck to the poster.
I am sorry that you are in this situation where your husband has been lying to you and spending a lot of his time with his "friend".
It is sad too that you have made him aware of how you feel and yet he seems to be putting his "friend's" needs first instead of yours and your children.
You and your children's needs should be of upmost top priority and yet he seems to be wanting to help his "friend" first. Even before you wrote about the drugs, it had crossed my mind what might be drawing him to her like a magnet and lying to you (possibly not to upset you).
When you are both calm and the children all asleep, try and talk to him again and tell him how hurt you feel about him putting the needs of his "friend" first. Remind him that his duty lies first to you and your children. Tell him that him lying to you is not acceptable and that if he chooses to see his "friend" then perhaps him having contact with her in the company of others may be more acceptable. Now that it is publicly know that there is drugs involved, he would be wise not to have any contact with his "friend" at all, otherwise he could end up being dragged down that route too.
Trust in a relationship is very important in any relationship.
Perhaps you could suggest about getting a babysitter so that the two of you can spend some time alone with each other.
If he does not work, then perhaps you both need to get some sort of plan in action that he helps more with the children and household tasks.
It may be that you both would benefit from marriage guidance counselling.
I do hope that you manage to work things out.
Wishing you all the best.
It is sad too that you have made him aware of how you feel and yet he seems to be putting his "friend's" needs first instead of yours and your children.
You and your children's needs should be of upmost top priority and yet he seems to be wanting to help his "friend" first. Even before you wrote about the drugs, it had crossed my mind what might be drawing him to her like a magnet and lying to you (possibly not to upset you).
When you are both calm and the children all asleep, try and talk to him again and tell him how hurt you feel about him putting the needs of his "friend" first. Remind him that his duty lies first to you and your children. Tell him that him lying to you is not acceptable and that if he chooses to see his "friend" then perhaps him having contact with her in the company of others may be more acceptable. Now that it is publicly know that there is drugs involved, he would be wise not to have any contact with his "friend" at all, otherwise he could end up being dragged down that route too.
Trust in a relationship is very important in any relationship.
Perhaps you could suggest about getting a babysitter so that the two of you can spend some time alone with each other.
If he does not work, then perhaps you both need to get some sort of plan in action that he helps more with the children and household tasks.
It may be that you both would benefit from marriage guidance counselling.
I do hope that you manage to work things out.
Wishing you all the best.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh goodness. Do you think your partner is doing drugs? You probably need to be really sure of that because if they are drug partners, that would explain the lies and connection between the two of them. That would be a HUGE problem because then you might have some addiction issues to work on with him. That would make me so sad for you and your kids.
What exactly made you call cps and the police? I ask because I want to be sure it was on the up and up. Sometimes our blood can boil so much at the thought of someone doing us wrong that we make a snap decision that maybe isn't warranted. You did the right thing if she was abusing/neglecting her kids but just want to double check to make sure all is well. how did she know it was you who called by the way as that can often be anonymous? If you did do it out of anger rather than the absolute need, then she would have the right to be upset of course.
I think life made a really valuable point in talking to your man------------- you can certainly try the avenue of talking to him and asking him how he'd feel if you were so close to another man.
You have to find a way of talking to him so that he doesn't feel backed into a corner.
So, maybe if you could answer some of the questions here we can further help you. I'm very sorry that you are going through this though!
What exactly made you call cps and the police? I ask because I want to be sure it was on the up and up. Sometimes our blood can boil so much at the thought of someone doing us wrong that we make a snap decision that maybe isn't warranted. You did the right thing if she was abusing/neglecting her kids but just want to double check to make sure all is well. how did she know it was you who called by the way as that can often be anonymous? If you did do it out of anger rather than the absolute need, then she would have the right to be upset of course.
I think life made a really valuable point in talking to your man------------- you can certainly try the avenue of talking to him and asking him how he'd feel if you were so close to another man.
You have to find a way of talking to him so that he doesn't feel backed into a corner.
So, maybe if you could answer some of the questions here we can further help you. I'm very sorry that you are going through this though!
Did you do all this to "punish her," or for the sake it was the dutiful thing to do? Now, more drama has been created and still your husband isn't going to stop seeing this woman. He feels he has to help her out of this mess and everything is backfiring on you.
I am sorry to say he is either having an emotional affair with this woman or a physical affair with this woman. He might even be a drug buddy of hers.
Those are my speculations.
Well, now you are going to be embroiled in this legal mess since you notified the police and CPS.
I would agree with Tink.....you have "bigger" fish to fry and you will need help beyond this forum since things have gotten legal.
I would suggest you separate yourself from him for a while to sort things out with the help of a professional therapist. This is not healthy for your children to be witnessing and they deserve TWO parents in a STABLE and HEALTHY environment and if that isn't possible then it should be ONE parent who can provide a STABLE and HEALTHY environment for them.
I am sorry to say he is either having an emotional affair with this woman or a physical affair with this woman. He might even be a drug buddy of hers.
Those are my speculations.
Well, now you are going to be embroiled in this legal mess since you notified the police and CPS.
I would agree with Tink.....you have "bigger" fish to fry and you will need help beyond this forum since things have gotten legal.
I would suggest you separate yourself from him for a while to sort things out with the help of a professional therapist. This is not healthy for your children to be witnessing and they deserve TWO parents in a STABLE and HEALTHY environment and if that isn't possible then it should be ONE parent who can provide a STABLE and HEALTHY environment for them.
Now that You speak of Police and drugs and CPS, I hardly know what to say.
Are all 7 of Your Children with Your "other half" that is spending so much time at Her house? and if She's "doing drugs" is Your "other half" using drugs as well?
These are serious issues that need to be addressed beyond this forum.
Good Luck
Are all 7 of Your Children with Your "other half" that is spending so much time at Her house? and if She's "doing drugs" is Your "other half" using drugs as well?
These are serious issues that need to be addressed beyond this forum.
Good Luck
I did that and they both told me that nothing is going on! Now me and this lady got beef cause I called to cops on her for doing drugs and I called CPS also, and more so since this has been happening he wants to help her more! I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle and he keeps telling me that nothing is going on and that he loves me but she has a part in his heart too! I dont understand!!!
Hi also, ask him how would he feel if you were visiting a gentleman friend and he would find your car out in front of his house! Really something wrong with this picture. I feel shes causing this and hes just a puppy. If it were me, next time this happened i would knock at the door and confront them both about this childish activity. With all the stress in life, for him to add to it by this is not acceptable behavior by no means.
People don't lie when there is nothing to lie about
If this is innocent I think it would include You and Her partner as well and would NOT include lying. Is Her "other half" aware of the time They spend together and is He aware that Your Husband lies to You about His visits with His "other half?
and
where's Her "other half" when She needs "help"? - what kind of "help" is She needing? and why isn't Your insecurity Your Husband's priority if indeed this is innocent. I would think He would want You to support His friendship, not question it.
I think these are reasonable questions for a Wife who is feeling insecure about Her Husbands behavior.
Did he know this woman before he met you?
I am sure he is lying about where he is at when you call because he knows you aren't going to like the truth; you will become angry and rightfully so.
I would try to befriend this woman and go from there. If your other half isn't against you befriending her too I would say there is nothing going on here.
I am unconventional when it comes to these issues. My husband has female friends that I know about but I am not friends with and the same for me. It works for us. The problem is when people keep secret friends of the opposite sex from their partner, which he nor I do.
I wouldn't blame the woman for your man's behavior. His behavior is his behavior. He is the one who has to make this right with you and not her.
I am sure he is lying about where he is at when you call because he knows you aren't going to like the truth; you will become angry and rightfully so.
I would try to befriend this woman and go from there. If your other half isn't against you befriending her too I would say there is nothing going on here.
I am unconventional when it comes to these issues. My husband has female friends that I know about but I am not friends with and the same for me. It works for us. The problem is when people keep secret friends of the opposite sex from their partner, which he nor I do.
I wouldn't blame the woman for your man's behavior. His behavior is his behavior. He is the one who has to make this right with you and not her.
If you do end up meeting her and getting to know her better, then if she has any kind of conscience, she will feel guilty about all the time he it's spending with her instead of you. And it's possible you might become better friends with her than he is and she might just end up spending more time with you instead of him. If it's true that all they are is friends then she should want to get to know you better and she should want to be your friend.
If there is anything fishy going on then you should be able to pick up on it When you're around both of them together. Give it a try, it's an option you haven't tried yet.
If there is anything fishy going on then you should be able to pick up on it When you're around both of them together. Give it a try, it's an option you haven't tried yet.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome. Hm, well. I can certainly understand why you are upset. That would blow my mind too!! I'm not sure what the deal is with the lady.
I don't think I'd support my husband being pals with a woman that I wasn't friends with too. So . . . I'd invite her over to YOUR house. Make her dinner. Sit with her and talk. See how your partner acts with that. Usually if someone is legit, they WANT their friends and partner to get along and also become friends. Oh, and I'd invite her significant other to come over with her!
I am just going to say that while she is no prize for being so 'friendly' with someone else's man . . . it is really your man that is overstepping his bounds. She doesn't owe you anything but your man does! Try not to be mad at her and make sure the blame stays on your partner.
He's basically telling you that you can't do anything about it. Well, get to her know her better and investigate the situation that way. And getting to know her partner may be helpful as well. good luck dear. Sounds really hard to deal with!! let us know what happens.
I don't think I'd support my husband being pals with a woman that I wasn't friends with too. So . . . I'd invite her over to YOUR house. Make her dinner. Sit with her and talk. See how your partner acts with that. Usually if someone is legit, they WANT their friends and partner to get along and also become friends. Oh, and I'd invite her significant other to come over with her!
I am just going to say that while she is no prize for being so 'friendly' with someone else's man . . . it is really your man that is overstepping his bounds. She doesn't owe you anything but your man does! Try not to be mad at her and make sure the blame stays on your partner.
He's basically telling you that you can't do anything about it. Well, get to her know her better and investigate the situation that way. And getting to know her partner may be helpful as well. good luck dear. Sounds really hard to deal with!! let us know what happens.
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