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Could my Boyfriend be Cheating?

So my current boyfriend and I met online. We talked for a week or so and went on a date. It was amazing to say the least. A few weeks later he asks me to be with him. Now, i know that's very fast and actually the quickest I've ever moved with anyone. But he's such a sweet guy and I've never felt or seen anyone qualities like this in anyone before. He was very confident he wanted to be with me and I, him.

The only issue is he still wants to keep his dating profile. He told me before he asked me to be with him that he really likes the conversation we had there and wanted to always keep it because it's our first moments of talking and getting to know one another. However, I told him he can just screenshot them and well... He said nothing. I personally find it very odd the he wants to keep it. He hasn't updated the profile or any of his pictures on there.

I haven't deleted mines either because I feel it's very unfair. Although, I too have mines I don't get on it and have not updated anything either. I did ask him about it and he says it's just there and he doesn't plan on using it. I suppose this is the trouble that comes with being in a relationship so quickly.

Also, please keep in mind he invites me over to stay there weekend with him every week without fail(so far) and we talk everyday. I'm kinda concerned though that he's either afraid or.... I'm getting played. Did I mention he has not put on his social media profile that he's in a relationship? He says I'll know when he does it and that see definitely will. But either way, I'd love to know your thoughts?

5 Responses
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134578 tn?1614729226
Sounds like whether he asked you to "be with him" or not, he didn't intend to take himself off the market. Did you discuss being exclusive, or did you just take it for granted that this is what asking you to be with him means? I also don't get him only wanting to see you on weekends. You might not be being "played," but it also doesn't sound like he plans to settle down with you.
Helpful - 0
9 Comments
Yes, we discussed it.. he literally sat me down and asked me to be his girlfriend. He wants me to meet his family and everything but I'm just not ready. Also he has asked me to stay throughout the week even while he's at work which I have a few times but the weekends are best for me. I just don't get why no status change yet
As I said, he doesn't intend to take himself off the market that unequivocally. Why don't you feel ready to meet his family?
Well I feel like I'm still getting used to being with him. Things moved so fast... And I feel bad because he keeps asking that I meet his mom especially. I should also probably mention that he's currently going through a divorce. They were separated (she's in Washington and he's here in GA.) And they have a back, etc. But he's got divorced on his profile although he just signed the papers Christmas.

He told me about everything when we first started talking. He also told me a month ago that once he signs the papers he'll change his status. That hasn't happened. So, I asked him last week if it has anything to do with his family and he said no, I'll know when he does it.

But he gave this look to me like "I'll do it on my time, not yours" at this point I'm thinking about ending things. Just don't have the energy for BS
I'm just thinking that if I were involved with someone and had the explicit agreement that she was my girlfriend and she was dragging her feet on meeting my mother, I might not want to write on my profile that I was taken, either. *Especially* if up until two weeks ago, I was still legally married to someone else.

Possibly he sees your hesitation to get involved with his family as hesitation about the relationship, and figures that once you relax and get into meeting his family, he'll know it's a real relationship.

Either that, or he wanted not to publish that he had a girlfriend while the divorce was pending, so his wife would not blow up. Or, he just wants a little space to breathe between announced relationships. I don't know why you think it's BS -- divorce means a change in status emotionally even if the person has been separated for a long time. You apparently got involved with him knowing that he was in the middle of this, it's kind of unrealistic to expect him to be perfect when he's dealing with this change.

Well the problem for me comes in when he has told me different things. He's said that he didn't want to change it on his profile yet because his ex was crazy. Then the turned into well, idc what she thinks she's already dating someone and moved on. Now it's you'll know when I change it. I just don't understand what the real problem is here.

Honestly I do wonder if they are in contact in more ways than talking about their baby... But .. Who knows I could be very wrong. I just finally got up the guts to ask him if he's talking to other people and he told me no, not at all.

We talked about things but I'm still wondering what this relationship status issue really has to do with. It's not so much about him changing it as it is the reasoning behind why he won't. Everything you said makes sense but your logic about me not meeting his family yet and how he may see that, really hit home.
Well, sure, if he sees you as hesitant, going inactive is about as much as I'd be expecting from him in your shoes. He doesn't sound like he's cheating. You might benefit from thinking about how serious you really are. It sounds like you were pleased he asked you to be his girlfriend, but serious girlfriends want to meet, and make friends with, their guy's mama. He's been going through the divorce mill, and believe me that is no fun. If he is picking up signals that you really aren't that into it but you are insisting on him changing his status, you risk looking like you only want to be with him for the fun of being wanted.
Anyway, whether he thinks all of that or not, it kind of seems like a silly thing to be obsessing about. As your relationship gains in time and gets more secure, and as the pain of his divorce fades, certainly it will all sort out about how much each of you are into it, and he will change his Facebook status accordingly.
Yes all of that is very true. I dont think I was thinking of this from his point of view which is him coming from a really rocky marriage and putting his heart on the line again. He really is a great guy and person I think we just should have slowed down a bit first. But all in all I do want to be with him I just need to understand how the mind of someone in his situation, works.

You definitely help me with understanding that because men have emotions too especially those going through a divorce. Already he's interested in hopefully trying marriage again with me someday. But truth be told, I've got some maturing to do if i want this to work with him.
Well, sure, probably. Don't we all.  lol

Seriously, sweetheart, don't be rushing it and don't be pushing it (there is an old phrase -- "Don't push the river, it flows by itself").

This will all clarify itself in time, and the two of you will figure out if this is love that will last or it was just a pleasant interlude. In that real-life flow, nothing about a Facebook status is important. As CurfewX says below, Facebook is for gossipy display. You nagging him about his status might make him feel you're more interested in public display than private reality.

Take care, take it easy, and for heaven's sake, meet his mama.
207091 tn?1337709493
"Change his status"? Is this something on the dating app or on Facebook or something else?

My concern for him staying on the dating app is that he likes you, but is going to continue to see what's out there in case there's "someone better". Like you said, he can screen shot his convos with you, or he could go inactive, but keep the profile there, and save the messages, right?

I'd worry less about the whole status thing (maybe because I'm not sure what it is) and more about being a rebound person. It's moving really fast, which is typical of rebounds. Your gut is telling you to slow it down and that this is a lot really early in the relationship, and everything else aside, you need to listen to that.

It doesn't matter who's right or wrong here - just that maybe you all maybe aren't right for each other, at least right now.
Helpful - 0
3 Comments
Hi there and yes, the status is on regards to Facebook. He has Divorced on there but not that he's in a relationship. He said quite a few reasons why he won't change it but it's just not adding up for me.

Once I read the part in your comment about possibly being a rebound that really opened my eyes. I did some research as I'd never really learned or looked out for signs of a rebound relationship. A couple of signs did apply but most didn't. Kinda left me in limbo.
Oh and also yes on the dating app we met on we both made our profiles inactive, the profiles are kinda just there
So how long have you been together? How old are you both?

I'm with CurfewX below - forget social media. Forget all the little trivial stuff. This is all moving really fast, he's not actually divorced, your intuition is screaming that things don't feel right - you need to focus on those things.

There are no definitive signs or symptoms that someone is a rebound, but if you're not feeling that title, how about transition person? That means your the person that someone dates while they transition from one serious relationship back into the dating world.

In any case, it's not working for you. You feel unsettled. You may or may not be overreacting about the Facebook status, but does it matter? You don't feel secure in the relationship, and he's saying crap like, "You'll know when I do it." There's no real discussion - just some sort of edict from him, and that's it. Personally, I think FB relationship statuses are silly, but my guess is that it would give you some comfort about the status of your relationship that you aren't feeling - it would give it something you aren't feeling.
3191940 tn?1447268717
Forget about social media.  Completely.  Social media is not "real life," and no one should feel obligated to announce personal life events to an audience that usually consists of family, close friends, people you barely know, and people you don't know at all.  

To be honest, if I were in a relationship with anyone who pressured me, even a little bit, to change my relationship status on social media, I would end the relationship immediately, because I would realize that person's priorities are in the wrong place, and that every trivial detail during the relationship (and social media really is trivial) could be grounds for an argument.  Very few people want to voluntarily face that kind of stress in life.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi! Welcome.  I'm one of those people that thinks solid relationships build over time.  When I've jumped in quickly, it feels amazing but often doesn't have foundation. It crumbles easily.  You simply can not skip the steps in developing true intimacy.  I'd want you to keep your profile and just have it inactive and he should keep his, leaving it inactive.  You don't have a full relationship that you know will go the distance yet.  You really are still getting to know each other.  

I would encourage both of you to slow down. Enjoy each other and savor the process of getting close.  And it is a process. When you both say "ya, let's delete the darn profile", it will be meaningful, right?  More than if you just do it now before you really know where this is going.  I  know you think you probably know where it is going and it may go there . . .   but it is early.  

I also think announcing on social media is something you don't just do right away either.  Let it build.  And hey, keep in mind that the second a guy gets a serious girlfriend, old "friends' can come out of the woodwork finding him that much more attractive. So, just wait until it all feels right for both of you and try not to put the cart before the horse yourself.  good luck
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
How are things going?  Have you thought any more about this situation?
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