Avatar universal

Did she orgasm?

A few months ago, I met a beautiful girl and we started dating sporadically. We started seeing eachother more frequently until she got comfortable with me and confessed she was on meds because she had panic attacks following a street rape that occurred a little over a year ago.
Anyways, we would see eachother about twice a week and we would often go eating out and drinking. When she would come over, the most we would do is sneak in brief kisses and hold hands. She never showed any sexual interest after 3 months of "going out".
Usually, in my past sexual experiences, sex would just happen naturally but with this girl, there was never any talk or obvious interest about it which led me to ask for it. She replied by saying that she is yet to be comfortable with me and that she isn't ready. A few weeks later, when I insisted, she said that the rape has affected her desires and that she has to totally trust me before we have intercourse. Afterwards, she said that the past 2 guys that had sex with her (after the rape) never called back and she doesn't want that to happen again.
I was as patient as I could but to me, sex, while not the primary aspect of a relationship, is very important to me.
A few weeks and rejections later, I finally made the decision that I couldn't handle a sexless relationship (there were other issues as well). I told her that I'd rather be single for the moment and stopped returning her calls and texts. A month later, she texted me on a Saturday and suggested that we go out and have fun. I relented and agreed to go out. We went out to a restaurant, then to a bar and ended up at my house where we had sex for the 1st time. I was adamant (to myself) that it was pity sex so she can keep me close and so I wouldn't walk out on her again. We had sex a few times afterwards and while I find her very attractive and thoroughly enjoyed it, she didn't seem to get into it (she was never vocal at all). I approached her by telling her that I perceive her to be sexually indifferent especially considering the girl I dated before her was very vocal and I definitely knew when she orgasmed.
One other interesting theory was we would mostly have sex when I am upset or when I am mad at her. In my opinion, sex became her tool to please me and make me less grouchy but I had concerns about her desire for me and/or for sex in general especially in light of her rape.
Today, same story, I was very upset because she texted her ex in front of me. She calmed me down, made me food and we had sex. Only this time, it definitely was different, she seemed alot more responsive, vocal (called me baby several times) and definitely more moist.
After the intercourse, she left a big wet spot on the sheet, which lead to my question: does a wet spot coming from a woman following intercourse necessarily mean she orgasmed?
7 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Who knows.

But I would say that this is a very vulnerable woman and you should be very careful with her heart and emotions.  Your comments to her about your ex and how vocal she was, etc. would make me really not want to have sex with you at all.  A bit on the manipulative side.  She is who she is and you either like her or you don't.  She shouldn't have to try and please you to keep you especially after what she has been through.  This business about she has sex to keep me from being grouchy---------- this is not a really good thing so early on in a relationship.

I'd tell you to tread very lightly here.  Being raped is a BIG deal.  She needs someone that is in it to fall in love with her----------- all of her as she is.  

Good luck

13167 tn?1327194124
I agree with specialmom that it was COMPLETELY inappropriate for you to say the girl you had sex with before was very vocal - a comment like that would make me walk right out on you and never see you again.  Who the heck wants to hear about a screaming lover you had before her?  No one.

BUT.  I would have also not wanted to be in a relationship with her even before you said that.  She's not ready for a relationship,  in my mind.

Move on,  and in your next relationships don't EVER mention how vocal women are,  or anything specific about the physical relationship.  

NOT attractive,  guy.  
Avatar universal
Ok, I have to admit, the comment sounds and probably was inappropriate although she didn't object or repulsed to it.
I know that in the eyes of anyone reading this, my reactions and comments were insensitive but the reality (which I didn't mention because it had nothing to do with my question), is that the minute I met her, I have been treating her like a queen. I have been there for her, done things for her, been there when she was having a rough time and in her own quoted words, "a man that cares like no other she has been with". And I firmly believe that this is the reason she came back to me.
All relationships have setbacks, all relationships have issues, all relationships involve arguments so to conclude that I was a jerk and not deserving of her because of one comment isn't right or fair.
208686 tn?1293030503
To answer "the question", no it doesn't mean she had an orgasm, it did mean that she was very moist, but not that she necessarily had an orgasm. A woman can actually be very into sex and enjoy it very much and not even have an orgasm. It isn't like there is score keeping.. Another thing.. just because she wasn't vocal, also doesn't mean that she didn't enjoy it. My husband and I have 2 children and live in a small house so we have to be quiet! It hasn't changed how much we enjoy it one bit.

Now on to the other areas, yes it wasn't called for of the comments you made. However, you are into what you are into and it seems pretty clear you like loud sex! There is not a thing wrong with that, however, you do need to understand that she has been through an emotional rollercoaster, no matter how long ago it was. The thing to remember here is that when she mentioned to you about the other two guys not calling her back after she had had sex with them only justified the emotions that she was feeling about the rape itself. There are many women who after they have been raped for whatever reason, do feel somewhat like it is their fault. IT CLEARLY is not, but some women do feel like that. Then there is shame, then comes the feeling that everyone knows and feels like she is dirty or that she deserved it.. NO these are not in all cases, but it is for many women. Everyone deals with it in their own way!  Maybe you should take it easy with her, explain where you are coming from, reaffirm her trust in men that not all of them are bad, and give it a fresh start... IF SHE IS READY.  Maybe even suggest that she talk to someone about it, it might be something like someone telling her that it is okay to be very angry about something like that, and it is also okay to seek some kind o counseling to help deal with it, then let her make up her mind what to do. But if above all, you don't have any interst in investing anymore time with her, then just cut all ties and move on.

Good Luck!
Avatar universal
Very well said, thanks.
1574094 tn?1295983089
I totally agree with specialmom in everything they say. First off I hate a strong hatred for you right now Untility. people like you make me sick. I'm sorry but you shouldnt pushe someone into sex and leave them just because THEY WONT GIVE IT TO YOU!! YOu need to learn to respect ladies and there wishes. anyone to me that gives you sex on the first date or within a week of dating someone is extreamly lose and shouldnt be delt with for a long term serious relationship. Cause from my exspirance with my friend she's ralther....lose...mose ladies that **** you within that short of time and not even knowing who you really are, are just in it for the sex and not for something real serious. I just think that you seriously need to reevaluate yourself as a lover and as a spous. To me if you leave someone just because they wont give you want you want and you cant give them the emotional support  they need direly they you shouldnt talk to them or be with them AT ALL! IF you cant be there for her as a longer in emotional support i'm sure you cant do it at a friend ither. Like specialmom said, watch what you do with her. She's already messed up emotionaly caue of what happened if you do something to push her over the edge to much you might just lose her for good you know what I mean?
134578 tn?1614729226
I don't think this is a relationship for the history books.  She is still in pain from the trauma of the rape, and you want sex also and aren't very patient about waiting for it until she is well.  I would suggest you find someone else from whom you can get sex whenever you want it, and leave her alone.  She has her path to walk, and right now, feeling like she is obliged to give you sex so you will still hang around probably makes her feel like her needs or desires are being ignored again.
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