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Does cheating make a stronger bond

What I mean is some of my friends have cheated with women,  acting on their fantasies and both understood that, and it seems that they're relationships are stronger than ever, I might be lost but for men some times they just need to act out once in awhile but it doesn't mean they don't love they're partner.  I also know women who have done the same thing and have never been happier in their relationship,  what do you think?
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145992 tn?1341345074
Wow, you are definitely delusional if you think that.  I have been with my fiance for 5 1/2 years and just found out that he cheated on me.  We are not good.  Fighting all of the time.  Once that trust is broken, there is no way to rebuild it again.  If you are looking for excuses to justify what you are thinking of doing, then there is a problem in your relationship and maybe you should save her some serious heartbreak and just get out now.  I would much rather had my fiance break up with me then to deal with what I'm dealing with now.  It would've hurt me but at least it wouldn't of damaged everything.  It certainly would've not changed how I look at him now.  Why don't you go and read some of my journal entries on what I went through to gain some sort of understanding of what goes on in the mind of someone who was cheated on and then you can understand what it's like and what it does to a relationship.
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303824 tn?1294871401
I guess the answer to your question all depends on if the other person knows about the cheating? If the other person does know, it's possible that the spouse is trying to fulfill the fantasy to keep them from straying again. If the other person doesn't know, then it's possible that the person that cheated is the one making the relationship better out of guilt. Cheating should NEVER be the basis of trying to make a relationship better and have never really understood the logic of cheating when you are  truly in love with someone. Just my opinion anyway...
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Avatar universal
would you feel closer to her is she cheated on you?
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Avatar universal
why not try an alternative method...that even she can enjoy. x3 ? If you get my drift. That way there no lies, no secrets.
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Avatar universal
Why are you trying to find people who are going to tell you that cheating is ok? Why not stop posting in every form and just deal with your wife like a real man.

No people who cheat the relationships do not get stronger. They suffer a lot of damage that some are unable to move past and they end up getting a divorce.

I have tried to help you via personal messages on here but if you think that cheating is so great then just go out and do it and tell your wife. I'll see you on Divorce Court.
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Avatar universal
I am just posting topics that are interesting to me what people think about them, have I ever cheated on my wife no, would no, but would still like to hear what people think about this topic.  No reason to get mad, this place is suppose to be a safe place where we don't judge nor do we point fingers.  We all have our issues and should be able to express them in here freely.
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145992 tn?1341345074
This is a place where you can ask questions but you are going to get differing opinions.  Some may not be what you would like to hear.  I guess people figured you want to cheat because you have written about 3 or 4 posts talking about cheating on your wife.  
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568659 tn?1256139982
No, it does not bring people closer together. I think it is sick that you are actually considering it. In a PM you sent me you said that you were a good guy but you just need more in the bedroom, you aren't a good guy if you are going to be unfaithful because your wife isn't willing to do the stuff you want her to do. Have you talked to her about what you want? All you said was that she isn't very approachable about stuff like this, What kind of marriage are you in if you cant talk to her about your sex life? Not a very good one.
I don't know you or your wife so I cant tell you how to approach her but I did give you some ideas, that's the best I can do.
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729276 tn?1231442654
I feel cheating is wrong. I think Monogamy does not work. I have never cheated on my wife and her on me. I have had my fun with others and so has she. We have a Honest and Open Relationship. We have been sold that Monogamy is the only way, well my wife and I question that are live a very happy Polyamorous life.

You are right some time a man may need or want something other then what his wife can or is willing to give him. Yet that also goes equally the other way around. We have a high divorce rate in the USA and it’s not because people are wanting something more, it’s because they lied about wanting more. If you feel you want something more then Talk to your Spouse. Maybe your Friends have talked to there wife and they live a more Polyamorous or Swinging lifestyle you had not thought about.

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568659 tn?1256139982
disgusting
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729276 tn?1231442654
"disgusting", very blunt yet not very helpful. I like blunt.
Ohh and I also agree with what you said in your other comment, about all of it.
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189069 tn?1323402138
Infidelity ruins a marriage and though some decide to forgive, I don't think they forget.  Adultery is a sin and too many men and women come up with excuses, that make sense to only them, to cheat on their spouse.
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494669 tn?1275362475
i read the heading and all i could think of was NO NO NO  why would you think that, how can it, you would never trust your partner again. i know people say they forgive, but really can you forgive someone for cheating, i know i would never i am not just saying that but if he doesnt love me enough to be faithful then he doesnt love me, no matter what problems we are having it does not give the right to cheat
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13167 tn?1327194124
Honestly,  I think most men would be happier if they had a loving wife, and had freedom to stray and get some "strange" as often as they want it.

The only time that really works is if you offer her a lifestyle she couldn't possibly achieve herself,   that is so wonderful it mitigates the pain of having you chase after other women.

If you offer your wife the position of First Lady of the United States, for example,  she'd probably overlook what you're doing.  Like Jackie Kennedy and Lady Bird Johnson.

So.  You got that kind of power?   If not,  I wouldn't try it.  It doesn't make the relationship stronger.


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494669 tn?1275362475
rockrose it shouldnt matter what he offers, i could be offered the world but it doesnt mean he loves me if he is going to sleep around. if some women want an open relationship, that is fine and totally up to them, but that is open where they have spoken about it and discussed it and are totally fine with it, not where he is cheating having tonnes of affairs and its ok all because he gave her the white house. that sounds pretty ridiculous to me. i can honestly say if my husband ever cheated i would sign the divorce papers that day because it means he doesnt love me, he could offer me all the things in this world that i wanted it wouldnt matter it does not make it ok to have an affair just because he offers you things..................................
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13167 tn?1327194124
eel,  I understand all that stuff.

There are PLENTY of women, though,  that if offered a lifestyle lavish enough, will put up with men who stray.  

If a man has nothing like that to offer,  there are much fewer women.

That's life.
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494669 tn?1275362475
that is true rockrose i just find it disbelieving that any self respecting woman would put up with it. i guess i am old fashioned
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177641 tn?1189755837
Being cheated on preys on a person's deepest insecurities with loving themselves. Many people describe feeling like they've been punched in the gut and feel physically ill from finding out. It ***** them into believing that their self-worth is based on the success of their relationship. After all, I were *worthy* then s/he wouldn't have strayed, right? And now that they want me back, I must be worthy once again, right? As long as I have this person, I have self-worth... See where this is going?

In my own experience, being cheated on made me want the person back right away - because I wanted to believe I was still worthy of being loved. Getting back together would have been the WORST thing to do, and I am thankful to this day that it did not happen. I was hurting too much to see that the relationship was already doomed. That kind of pain blinds you to the cheating partner's faults; all you can see is the good, and all you know is (at the time) you desperately want it back. You never actually deal with WHY the pain happened in the first place.

Be careful not to mistake stronger "bonds" for raging insecurity running rampant in your friends' relationships, particularly if part of that stronger bond entails keeping a vigilant eye on the straying partner and doing *everything* together.
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Avatar universal
Cheating doesn't make a relationship stronger.  If both people agree to have an open relationship, that's one thing.  There are polygamous people in this world and if that's what they want fine.  There's a lid for every pot as Ann Landers used to say.  But if you put a polygamous person with a monogamous person, the relationship won't work because it will be a constant struggle of wills.  That lead to unhappiness and eventually and early death.
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729276 tn?1231442654
A polygamous relationship is a relationship based on polygamy. Polygamy can be defined as any "form of marriage in which a person [has] more than one spouse."

What you are talking about is Polyamorous relationships.

Polyamory differs from polygamy, although the two terms are occasionally used incorrectly as if they are interchangeable. Polygamy more accurately refers to specific structures of recognized relationships, while polyamory is a personal outlook grounded in such concepts as choice, trust, equality of free will, and the idea of compersion, and newer cultural traditions distinct from the religious and cultural traditions of polygamy.
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Avatar universal
NO.




either you are in a committed relationship or you are not.  If one still wants to play, they are not ready for a serious relationship. period....
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484465 tn?1532214032
maybe they have what's called an 'open relationship' or 'open marriage'

trust me, nobody else is flying with that sh*t
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Avatar universal
In my dream, I would like 3 husbands.  Really, I would.  But I can't seem to find anyone willing to go for it.  Why are men so jealous?

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362249 tn?1441315018
Unless you find a woman as driven as you and wants nothing but money and sex haha good luck!! it wont happen!! the strongest bond is one is between a woman and man who truley love one another and who dont act upon redcidulous fantansies!!
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