Does cheating make a stronger bond

[pain309]

What I mean is some of my friends have cheated with women,  acting on their fantasies and both understood that, and it seems that they're relationships are stronger than ever, I might be lost but for men some times they just need to act out once in awhile but it doesn't mean they don't love they're partner.  I also know women who have done the same thing and have never been happier in their relationship,  what do you think?

[teko]

NO.




either you are in a committed relationship or you are not.  If one still wants to play, they are not ready for a serious relationship. period....

[lupo]

A polygamous relationship is a relationship based on polygamy. Polygamy can be defined as any "form of marriage in which a person [has] more than one spouse."

What you are talking about is Polyamorous relationships.

Polyamory differs from polygamy, although the two terms are occasionally used incorrectly as if they are interchangeable. Polygamy more accurately refers to specific structures of recognized relationships, while polyamory is a personal outlook grounded in such concepts as choice, trust, equality of free will, and the idea of compersion, and newer cultural traditions distinct from the religious and cultural traditions of polygamy.

[mayflowers]

Cheating doesn't make a relationship stronger.  If both people agree to have an open relationship, that's one thing.  There are polygamous people in this world and if that's what they want fine.  There's a lid for every pot as Ann Landers used to say.  But if you put a polygamous person with a monogamous person, the relationship won't work because it will be a constant struggle of wills.  That lead to unhappiness and eventually and early death.

[slow_healer]

Being cheated on preys on a person's deepest insecurities with loving themselves. Many people describe feeling like they've been punched in the gut and feel physically ill from finding out. It ***** them into believing that their self-worth is based on the success of their relationship. After all, I were *worthy* then s/he wouldn't have strayed, right? And now that they want me back, I must be worthy once again, right? As long as I have this person, I have self-worth... See where this is going?

In my own experience, being cheated on made me want the person back right away - because I wanted to believe I was still worthy of being loved. Getting back together would have been the WORST thing to do, and I am thankful to this day that it did not happen. I was hurting too much to see that the relationship was already doomed. That kind of pain blinds you to the cheating partner's faults; all you can see is the good, and all you know is (at the time) you desperately want it back. You never actually deal with WHY the pain happened in the first place.

Be careful not to mistake stronger "bonds" for raging insecurity running rampant in your friends' relationships, particularly if part of that stronger bond entails keeping a vigilant eye on the straying partner and doing *everything* together.

[eel81]

that is true rockrose i just find it disbelieving that any self respecting woman would put up with it. i guess i am old fashioned

[RockRose]

eel,  I understand all that stuff.

There are PLENTY of women, though,  that if offered a lifestyle lavish enough, will put up with men who stray.  

If a man has nothing like that to offer,  there are much fewer women.

That's life.