Does number of previous sex partners matter?

[youngguy800]

     Hey I'm a 22 year old white, gay male attending a state university. So here's my question/concern/rant... Does someone's sexual past matter? I was raised in a pretty southern conservative catholic environment (not easy being a homo) and have somehow developed the irrational idea that sex is important between two people who are serious about one another.. I'm not even talking marriage, just a monogamous relationship. Well, trying to date over the past couple years, I have begun to realize my expectations are/were WAY too high... I'm a decent looking guy, in shape, etc. and work pretty hard in school (got into med school next year yay), but I have only had sex with two guys (each of whom I seriously dated). I have done other things with other people, yes, but even 3rd base is less than 10.. I've been single forever bc honestly, I'm busy with school and can't go to the bars all the time.. With online dating and "grindr", I have come to the notion (maybe false!?)  that very very few gay men (at least the attractive ones) feel this way. Maybe a lot of it has to do with the southern stigma so the entire dating operation is already watered down, but the gay promiscuity stereotype may in fact, be true. From the closet "curious" frat guys to my out fairy friends, it is out of control. I know 3 couples who have been dating awhile (mad respect), but even some of them have had their "**** phase". Now, I'm the stuck up one that can't imagine dating a guy if his number is too high (this was a major problem in my second relationship where I was my 18 year old bf's 11th-ish). I just feel like there comes a point (its not a fine line) where it becomes disrespectful to the person you may be spending the rest of your life with, like at some point you are literally damaged goods. So now not only am I extremely single (which my friends call a prude waste bc I'm "hott") but pretty much any (attractive) guy I meet, even if ready to monogamously date, has double digits and it bothers me too much. So, I'm the one that loses. I'm honestly to the point where if I can't beat em, maybe I should strap on a condom and join em, or declare celibacy, or try being straight (would never work haha).. disclaimer: I may sound like a girl here, but I'm relatively masculine... Wow that was long, sorry.

[Scorpio74]

I know I am entering this discussion nearly 10 years after it started - hopefully you are a successful physician right now and living your best life!  Just know your concerns are/were not irrational at all.  I married a woman who had 4 partners before me (we met at age 26 - married at 30) and even with that number I found myself obsessing over the fact that she somehow didn't save herself for me through high school and college...even though we didn't meet until 4 years after undergrad (face palm).  Anyway, to this day I still find myself having anxiety over her past, and we've been married since 2005.  I am clearly the one with the issue in our relationship, as she accepts my number as being "in the past/irrelevant" which I guess is obviously the more mature/wise stance.  Anyway, I hope you are well and just know your post helped me a bit in seeing another male's response to a tough topic.

[specialmom]

To me, you sound like a prize.  Rare to find someone that puts themselves and those they date to a higher standard than your average person.  

I think that it 'may' be hard to find someone that doesn't have lovers from the past.  I wouldn't NOT date someone because of that if all the other things about them are fantastic.  But keep looking for someone that feels like you do about sex.  

I think it is great to have the viewpoint you do.  

One other thing, in all seriousness, I didn't marry until I was in my 30's.  I didn't ask questions about how many sexual partners a man had and would never answer such a question if asked.  To this day, I don't have a count for my husband of almost 13 years.  So, I'd look for someone with the same philosophy on the subject as you and stop asking about exact numbers or details.  good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

So You have Standards, Morals, Self-Respect, etc., etc.
What's wrong with that??!!

You may be "somewhat" Unique about those Attributes but certainly You are not the ONLY one with Standards - Hold out for a Partner who feels as You do.  Otherwise, it's "just sex" and You don't need a Partner for that - You could do "just sex" solo.  Again, I think You should wait for that Committed, Meaningful Relationship with One whose Standards match Your own.