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Avatar universal

Don't want to invite bro's GF to wedding

Hello board,

I am having some trouble. I am going to be getting married, and as we are getting ready to send out invitations...I just DO NOT want my brother's girlfriend to be invited. None of the family likes her, and I just don't want her there. I know that this is probably going to cause a fight with my brother, but it's our day...and it's my brother's decision on how he chooses to conduct himself. He knows we don't care for her because of how she causes problems within the family. What do I do? I'm so stuck here.
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Avatar universal
Uggg....Sorry......but I find this to be petty.  This is SO common and is one of the reasons why I don't believe in weddings.  This petty stuff creeps in.

I would recommend you take the high road and INVITE your brother and his gf.  

How would you feel if this was done to you?  Say your brother was getting married and didn't like your signifcant other and told you "Ok, you can come but not your bf?"  

BTW:  What all did this girl do to deserve this?  

Yes, it is "your day," but is this REALLY necessary?
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there dear.  Happy wedding!!  I'll let you in on a little secret that I had no idea about before my own wedding.  Most of it is actually for other people rather than yourself.  You are going to be so busy doing things the bride does and guests and you'll get to spend a lot less time with guests than you think.  

Is it really worth causing a rift over?  What if he marries her?  Wouldn't it be hurtful that you shunned her for your wedding??  If your brother loves her- tolerate her.  

That's just my feelings on it.  Otherwise, your wedding becomes the start of a family dispute and I don't think that is what you want your day to be remembered for.  Be the bigger person and just enjoy being with the groom and let the other stuff go.  good luck
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
This is going to cause more than a fight - if your brother ends up marrying her,  you might lose your brother.

Is she truly destructive,  or is she just irritating?  (For example,  does she do things like call the police or Child Protective Services on the family with no cause,  purposely broken expensive items for spite,  stolen,  that kind of thing?)

There is an attitude that brides have that it's their day and they can do whatever they want - and often this backfires.  Hurts over not being invited to a wedding are life-long - and if your brother marries her and has children and hosts Christmas or Thanksgiving - are you okay with not being invited to those family gatherings?  That's likely what you'll be facing.

If she's just annoying,  invite her,  and it will give you and your family something to gossip about later.
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13167 tn?1327194124
Funny,  I didn't read the other's posts before posting but I totally agree.
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Avatar universal

I can only think of 3 options
I only see these options:
1  Invite Your Brother and let Him choose His guest.
2.  Invite Your Brother and tell Him He cannot bring a guest
3. Invite Your Brother and tell Him He cannot bring His GirlFriend
4.  Don't invite Your Brother

You are unhappy or Brother is unhappy - GirlFriend wins.

If I were You I would not make GirlFriend Your focus.  Have Your wedding, invite Your Brother and let Him decide who His guest will be.

Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
I couldn't agree more with the above replies.  All excellent advice!

Unless this girl is MAJOR trouble (like the above examples like rose gave), then just invite her.  It will cause WAY more of an issue to exclude her than it's worth.  Like SM said, you will be too busy to even worry about her.  There's a lot to be said for being gracious, and the bigger person.

Lastly, it's always good to put yourself in other people's shoes.  While she may not be well liked, she's obviously serious with your brother, which I could take to mean that they often attend family functions together.  Can you imagine how YOU would feel if the tables were turned and you were excluded from a major event, yet had to see everyone at other functions?  Even if you DIDN'T see them at other functions, you'd feel horrible...seeing pics on facebook, hearing all the chatter?  You would feel terrible.  It's just mean and spiteful and hurtful.

There's a lot to be said for tolerance.  You don't have to like her...you don't even have to have much to do with her, but yes, if your brother is invited, it's the only reasonable option.

Good luck to you, and congrats on the nuptials!
Helpful - 0
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