Fed up

[notsure101812]

I was dating a guy for 3 years and loved him very much.
However, it turned out he had been cheating on me for a long time (2 years).
We split up and he had booked a holiday with her in Dec 09 back in February 09 so when I found out in the summer I justified his decision as he couldnt disappoint her children.
However, they had the holiday and I met up with him last night and am still totally in love with him.
He indulged in some footsie and I told him I still have strong feelings but he says that things have moved on as this woman has met his ex wife, children, parents etc and has probably moved on.
How can I make him love me and give me another chance?
I think about him all the time and want him back.
Would he have met with me if he wasnt interested? Why did he play footsie? Why did he flirt and hug me?
I love him so much I cant live without him and want a proper chance?
Any ideas and please **** just say move on, give me ideas to get him back as he is just perfect.

[Julie359]

I think no one else should waste their advice cause the advice we are giving is falling on deaf ears......

Wish you peace and luck for your future....

[notsure101812]

Easier to say than to do I guess

[Coco87]

He loves the other women enough to keep you a secret but doesn't care about your feelings enough to hide anything from you. You're allowing him to come and go as he please when he please. I think I know how you feel because I used to date guys and cheat then dump them but I would go back and they would think its because I missed them but I would always say something like i'm not ready for a relationship, or things are complicated for me, or just ignore their feelings and have sex... but its really out of amusment and boredom. I knew a simple text or call could make their day and would use that to my advantage. Don't worry karma is a ***** and I learned my lesson I suggest to start treating him like ****, make him want you like you want him start becoming unavailable, instead of answering his calls start calling him back hrs then days later. Soon you would find some1 else who really loves you and cares for you, and you would see how ****** your relationship with him was.

[mami1323]

She means if he had not cheated on her for 2 out of the 3 years they were together things would be different right? Because I don't know what other way would make this relationship work.

[Julie359]

Deluded!!!!

[mami1323]

But it is what it is so why continue to live in the what ifs. What is the reality of the situation? He's a cheater. I hope you can find some peace some day. I don't think anyone has any more advice for you since its obvious you won't listen anyway. Good luck.

[notsure101812]

I guess you may be right, you may be wrong but we both feel that if hte circumstances had been different we would still be together.

[Julie359]

All i can say b4 i shoot off into the blue ayonder is some woman stay or go back to men who will beat them black and blue, mentally torture, repeat having affairs over and over or continually lie but when you ask that woman why she won't leave him or wants to go back to him she will say 'I love him'....  

I think this says far more about the woman than it does the man, it tells me she feels a sense of worthlessness inside, that she doesn't deserve any better, that she can't find any better, that she is afraid of being alone and is extremely insecure and the really sad thing is alot of these woman don't even realise how manipulated they have been, it's almost as if they have been brain washed.  

As i said b4 we can sit and tap out on our keyboards all the advice in the world but i feel you need some one to help you believe in yourself again and find that confidence and assertivness to make changes in your life that are positive and constructive, rather than this self destructive obsession over this guy.  In this world hun there are trillions of guys you can choose from, the tree is full for the picking, go out there and pick a one from the tree that is nice and ripe not one that has fallen to the floor and is starting to go rotten.  Maybe get some councelling.  Hope it all works out for you.  Be strong, don't give in.

[Julie359]

mami1323 is 100% right here, you are choosing to allow yourself to feel this way.  Look phone up some friends and make some arrangements to go on a few girly nights out, have some fun, let your hair down, have a good cry on a girlfriends shoulder if you have to but put this jerk behind you and you never know while your out having fun you may end up meeting the right guy for you, you never know... just you have to realise this man you are obsessing over isn't the right guy for you.  LET GO!!

[mami1323]

He hasn't left you to suffer you choose to allow yourself to feel that way. Instead of saying to yourself screw him I'm going to live life and be happy you've let him back in and see giving in to his manipulations. Your suffering is all on you.

[Julie359]

Why on earth would you wana get back with this guy?  an how can you say he is perfect? HELLO!!! He cheated on you and then you allowed him to continue this relationship with this other woman for the sake of HER children???? What on earth is that all about.

I think you need to learn to Love yourself alot more, cause this guy KNOWS you are a easy pushover and that is the reason why he was flirting with you and playing footsie under the table with you.  Not because he loves you, not because he wants to build a life with you but because he knows he can manipulate you into doing what he wants and because he knows he can get away with it.

Dump his ars* and look for a guy who will respect you but i'm guessing you anit gona listen to a word anyone has told you on here, because you think you know him and because you see him in this rose coloured light but wake up girl and smell the bull shite, beccause he is nothing but a lying cheating dog, who in my opinion should have his balls chopped off and shoved down his throat.

[notsure101812]

It is not about how he feels and what his life entails. It is more the consequences that he has left me to suffer as he goes on his merry way.

[specialmom]

Yes, I think about all that can be said here has been said.  good luck.

[mami1323]

Again, who cares how he feels or what his life entails.  You don't need to be concerned with him, worry about yourself.  Find happiness within yourself and then you won't care what he's doing.  

[notsure101812]

Not obsessed just rather irritated by the whole thing really and facing up to all the issues that this creates going forward with trust in other relationships, making a commitment, falling in love again etc whereas he has none of those wider issues to consider. I think that he is happy and fulfiled but also enjoys the chase and experiencing new woman.

[specialmom]

you are spending far too much time thinking about this loser guy than you are yourself.  That is vey concerning.  Almost obsessive.  Move on or drive yourself nuts.  goodluck

[mami1323]

You would think that would be wonderful the way he lives his life but eventually he will get bored of bed hoping and he will want a substantial relationship.  However, he will fail at that since he doesn't know how to be in a healthy committed relationship.  One day he will decide that "she's the one" and he will find himself probably cheating on her and he will be hit with consequences and most likely regret the way he's lived his life.  You don't know his personal demons.  You only know what he shows you.  If he were happy and fulfilled, he would feel no need to keep jumping from one woman to the next.  Instead of focusing on him and how he's living his life, focus on yourself and on making yourself satisfied.  Life is too short and you don't need to waste it on a man that isn't worth it.

[notsure101812]

Mami - I am not cheating with my ex although like her I share her views. He has a good life and I have to try harder to have fun. I dont think it matters that he destroys his ronantic relationships as he always lands in another new and excitign one without ever having to get into the normal phase of a relationship.

[mami1323]

You sound familiar to another poster who we had on here who was cheating with her ex and wanted to tell his girlfriend because she felt that he was getting away with something. In the end you are the one who is winning because you will have left for a healthy life and a healthy future relationship.

[specialmom]

Well, who cares?  Life isn't fair.  In the end, he will have destroyed all the romantic relaitonships he has had.  I'm sure at some point, he'll get that.  But by then, you should be long gone and doing something else with your life.  The BEST revenge is for you to be in a healthy adult relationship with a faithful man.  Aim for that.

PS:  being on your own means having time to work on the things you need to.  There is nothing wrong with "being on your own" as you shouldn't need a man to feel complete.  Yeah, they are great.  But good relationships happen after adults discover that they don't NEED one to be happy.  Be happy first and then start a relationship.  Just my opinion.  good luck

[notsure101812]

Scott free, I mean that he cheats and lies and yet has someone to enjoy a great relationship with whereas I am on my own for the moment. That is why I guess that I feel that he did wrong but gets away with it - I think that until he loses out he will continue.

[specialmom]

I am not sure what the scott free comment means-----------  I think that YOU are getting out with no more heart ache.  That is the point.  I'm strongly suggesting that you seek a little counseling to figure out what would draw you to this type of person.  Winning is not a reason to take a guy back (because you will lose again next time.)  good luck----------  be strong.

[notsure101812]

Hi - no I was blessed with a wonderful childhood and a very happy life until this mess unravelled. I guess that you cant have it all, and until now I have been very fortunate.
It is rather annoying that he gets off scot free, but I guess that it is the way it goes sometimes.

[teko]

I am not sure what you are feeling, but it is not love. Do you feel the need to be treated badly? Did you have a bad childhood? This is simply not healthy for anyone, and mostly you.