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Frustrated

I am currently in a long distant relationship.  However, I am becoming increasingly unhappy, maybe I'm too needy but I feel very alone.  First to begin I don't have much friends, where I live it is very lonely and getting together with friends is hard, largely because it is very cold, difficult to get to one end of the city and simply put people are busy with their lives.  
My boyfriend fails to understand that a phone call at night to say goodnight is very important to me. I do my best to be a good girlfriend, I am traveling all the time to see him, I am there whenever he needs someone to talk to, I was there at his lowest points, basically I am very supportive.  I've told him numerous times that I want to talk to him a little more especially before bed.  I know guys are not really good with phone calls but we are apart right now and that's the only thing I ask for and I don't understand why it is so hard for a 32 year old to pick up the phone and say goodnight.  He says weekends he's always busy, mainly going out out and having a good time so he pretty much doesn't have any time.  I think I am jealous of the fact he is out having a good time and I'm at home lonely sitting at home infront of a computer looking for advise.
I need to get out more but I'm 29 years old, most women my age in my town has a family, I feel stuck and very alone and tired.  What can I do to enjoy myself more?  I really don't know!
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome.  Well, i do think you need to create a life for yourself where you are at.  Even if you were living in the same town or WITH your boyfriend, you need your own life and things to do.  This is essential to all relationships.  We have to be our own person with our own activities and friends.  So, give up all the excuses for why it is hard to get out there and do things.  Most people who live in cold climates are quite used to it and do what they need to do to connect and live a life.  What kinds of hobbies do you have?  can you pursue those around where you live?  I personally think a health club/gym is a great place to make friends.  I go to exercise classes and when you go on a regular basis----  you begin to make friends with the other people that go.  Just start talking to them.  I met a great friend who ended up being a bridesmaid in my wedding down the road from a step aerobics class we always did.  we hit it off and started hanging out as friends.  I'm sure you work---  what about work friends?  Ask someone to go to lunch or grab a drink after work.  

Well, I guess it is not too much to ask for him to call you but would ask him to do it most nights and not have it be a requirement.  Not a check in to make sure he is home which it may feel like.  He may enjoy going out and being with his friends---  perfectly normal.  

In truth, my husband travels a lot on business.  Some evenings we don't talk.  He's busy doing whatever and I go to bed as I'm home watching the kiddos (tired).  

So, I agree that it sounds like you need to find yourself outside of this relationship.  

By the way, when are you two going to live in the same location?
Helpful - 0
1415482 tn?1459702714
Hi. It sounds of you are quite frustrated and you have every reason to be. We all need someone to be there for us, no matter how strong we are. Its not being needy/clingy, its being human. What you are asking your boyfriend, in my opinion is quite reasonable considering that you two are living apart at this current moment. However, it seems as if you miss him a little more than he misses you right now. That sounds bad but its not. All that's happening is that wherever he is, he is trying to make the most of it. He is filling his life with other activities and having a good time. I suggest you do the same.

Yes, there are women at 29 that have started a family but there are also women at 23 who have started a family and there are women at 37 who have not. Nothing is definite. Life is not like that and you are still quite young. Go out and enjoy yourself. Fill your life with things that you enjoy doing. It will make you feel much better, rather than sitting and reminiscing about your love, trust me.

I am not so sure what to say about him not calling at nights. I don't think that should be difficult for him to do. Talk to him about it again, express how you feel and see if that'll work. Also, keep into consideration that though I stated that he is making the most of where he is, he ought ti be more caring and concerned about your feelings. Keep that in mind, so if the situation gets extensive or worse, you may want to consider if the problem is simply that he does not wish to be in a relationship anymore.

Take care!

xoxoxo Anna
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