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Avatar universal

Girlfriend cant get over what i did

Hi, a few months back me and my gf split because of agrueing. I will admit we did argue quiet a lot over petty little things. ok, so after we broke up we didnt speak for a week and i really missed her. we met up one day and ended up kissing and acting like we were a couple so i asked her would she take me back, she said no. so i didnt hear from her for another week. next week, same thing happens, kissed and acted like a couple, i asked her would she take me back, i told her i was sorry for everything i had done to upset her (argueing etc) and once again she said no, she couldnt get back with me as she was enjoying her single like too much (new college/friends). i told her i was really upset about losing her and would do anything to make her happy again, i nearly went as far as begging her, but she said no. so another week past and i ended up getting very very drunk and sleeping with another girl. i will tell you all here and now, after about 4-5 mins into sleeping with her i stopped as i felt and knew what i was doing was wrong, i didnt even ejaculate i was so horrified by what i was doing. a few days later my ex-gf texted me and i told her, obv she took it very bad, saying she never wanted to see me again and she hated me. i understood where she was coming from, but she texted me saying she was going to sleep with another guy to get back at me and i begged her not to. fast forward to this day, we ended up getting back together kinda, but every few days she would get really upset and say the most hurtful things to me, saying she hated me and that she doesnt love me anymore (we were going out for two years) and everytime she has done this i have assured her i was sorry about what i did and how much i regretted it, and still do to this day. i want to know tho, is there a limit to how much i say sorry and reassure her before enough is enough? or should she see that i really am trying to redeem myself and make her happy and get over what had happened. i know it takes time to get over what i have done, but i really do regret what i did, and it will be a blemish on my life till the day i die. but everytime i get upset over how she acts, she sais she doesnt care as its all about me making it up to her, even tho, and i cant stress this enough, i was single when i did it. when i get upset, she tells me to go away and that we wont work out and she cant put up with me, but i do love her, so very much, every day i try make her so happy, but she cant forget and certainly cant forgive me. what can i do to show her im sorry? that it wont happen again. or should i, in a sense, put my foot down and say enough is enough. i dont want to lose her so atm im doing everything she sais e.g not talking to girls, telling her where i am every time she asks, and even when she doesnt. everytime she sais she doesnt want to hear from me again, she is th one who either texts me or emails me to see how i am. up until now we have been pretty good, she has been able to have sex with me again which she said she would never do. i dunno, i just feel that she might be taking advantage of what i did to make me feel ****. can someone please help a bloke out with this kinda thing? all advice/criticism are welcome.
thank you for all your time,
blankstare
6 Responses
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Avatar universal
Your girlfriend is a player. She doesnt want you but wants no one else to have you either. She likes having power over you, and you are bowing down? You do not sound like you have much going on between you other than arguing and sex. Personally, if you continue to bow down and do her bidding she will ultimately lose respect for you anyway. Be a man, no matter what the consequences. We do not hand over our souls to another for any reason. Head games and control is what it is.
Helpful - 0
539549 tn?1315981662
sounds like she wanted revenge for how she felt she had been wronged when you too broke up. Thats why she continued to say no when you asked to get back togeather as a couple...unfortunetly her plan backfired now shes upset....Was this worng or acceptable whos to say really??? I mean technicly the other party can't say much but,.... In dating this is a grey area all the barriers are in place because you too are still in love accept the relationship does not exist. Shes angry necause she knew that you knew what you did would hurt her but went through with it. (although you tenichaly had a free pass to do so) My adivice is simple but tis not going to be what you want to hear. This girl loves you a ton but has alot on her plate emotionaly. Right now wheres shes at is this (sorry to say this but) this girl will never get over what you did as long as you two are togeather (I went through this phase myself and expericed something similar in highschool when I was in my young teens)
She may still have these very stong emotions for you but oviosly no longer wants the obligation of loving you
but becuase the feelings are still there shes looking in your direction stuck unable to move. The best thing you can do right now for her is walk away. Yes its gonna hurt (for both of you) but try looking at it this way it will contnue if you stay in the relationship or leave regaurdless  (its unavoidable so why draw out the pain for longer than you have to???)
she'll proably cry ask you why look shocked maybe she'll make
emotional threats (like oh im gonna fu(k other ppl) and she very well might. There a possiblilty she'll continue to contact you through messages or emials she may say nasty things or emotional stuff involving how hurt she is. But in the the great thing about the universe is balnce. it may hurt but she'll definately learn a very important lesson that this is a horrible way to treat someone that you love or care about and while the deep seeded isssues may take some time she will defintely treat the next guy beter.
And who knows I mean if you too are really ment to be you may eventualy get back otgeather one day. Although don't count on it simply let what may if she comes back or not time will heal all wounds


Helpful - 0
303824 tn?1294871401
You did nothing wrong and have no reason to apologize. You were not together when you were with the other girl and that was HER choice. The other posters have said it all, she can't have it both ways. I do think that you aren't doing yourself any favors by practically begging her to come back to you. That can be quite a turn off. I think you should put your foot down and stand up for yourself. If she can't appreciate what she's got, then she doesn't deserve you. You are so young and have so much life and probably more relationships ahead of you. Take full advantage of that while you can.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Plain and simple, you two had broken up.  You tried on a couple of occaisions to make it up to her and she would have nothing of it.  From your explanation, it sounds as if she flat out told you that she did not want to get back together.... the fact is, she cant have it both ways.  

She cannot expect you to just sit around and wait for her..  Chesh said it above, she is playing you like a puppet on a string.  She wants a relationship of convenience.  

If she's not willing to forgive you and move on, maybe its your turn to move on.  Half of this relationship involves you.  You cannot control another person, and you cant control the past.  You can however be in control of whats happening now, with you.  

Admitting that you still have feelings and acknowledging that the thing with the other woman meant nothing should be the start.  If that has taken place and she isnt willing to work on this, its probably time to get your shoes and cruise.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
This girl wants the bun and eat it,another words she dont want you but noone else can have you either,i mean come on she is treating you like a puppet on a string using you for her needs then chucking you when she wants,well she cant expect you to hang around for her forever you have a life too she made her choice when she said she liked the single life,which in turn made you single,so in my eyes you have nothing to feel guilty about,the only user in all this is your girlfriend she is determined to make you feel like crap regardless of what you did or didnt do,she sound very selfish and controlling and why you would want to live your life being run down all the time is totally beyound me.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well blank, you were broken up.  You tried to get back together and she said no . . . at least twice.  What were you to think?  So you had a lapse in judgement and almost had casual sex or did or something in between but that was your business as a single guy who's ex was enjoying her single life as she told you for why she didn't want to get back together.  

I think you can tell your girlfriend that you love her now and you loved her then and it happened because you were distraught over the break up and you were trying to put a band aid on it and make the pain less and realized it was a mistake mid way.  And now she has to either forgive you and move on or that you will move on.  I say that to you because really------------  you didn't cheat on her.  You are clearly sorry for it and have tried to make it up to her.  What more can you do?  She can't torture you over it for the rest of your relationship or it will never work.  So think time limit here.  Time is almost up for making you suffer.  Let her know that and be prepared to act on it.  Because you don't need to be someone's punching bag.  She should be mad at herself for not taking you back when you asked thus giving you the chance to have this happen!  

What I'm trying to say here is don't beat yourself up too badly, don't let her beat you up much more and move the relationship to a new chapter closing that last one so that you can continue to write the story.  good luck
Helpful - 0
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