Girlfriend says she love me but needs space...

[july107]

So this is going to be a confusing one...  My girlfriend(ex) went to europe for a month and before she left our relationship was going really well.  I mean we had mini fights every once in awhile but nothing crazy.  When she left I felt the most comfortable I ever have with her and was 100% sure of her love for me and mine for her.  You see we've been together 4 years and we've had issues with trust at least on my end.  She has requested space on three occasions and every time I'm left felling like this could be the end but I support her.  The last time we were separated for 3 months and it was hard because she always told me she loved me and that we were meant to be together.  Finally one day she came around and I moved to the city where she lived as opposed to living 50 miles away.  We started our relationship again with talk of marriage etc. but wanting to take it slow because she still had some things to do like graduate college and go on these many trips with her friends culminating in the Europe trip.  She said after that she still might need time on her own...  So this was in January and reassured her that I would give her all the space that she needed and that things would be okay.  You see I know we both love each other very much and both know that we want a future together so I thought it would be okay.  So fast forward to June.  Things are going great.  She had been on many trips with her friends and graduated college and I never questioned her as far as me trusting her.  We were in love although my biggest problem is being affectionate because I guess I am unconsciously scared to fully open up because of all this "time" stuff we've been through.  I assure you its not that i don't want to be affectionate.  This was one thing she had troubles with.  So she leave to Europe and like I said I never felt more sure of us but slowly as the time past and our communication was very little because of the obvious I started to worry.  You see she planned on moving in with these 2 girls who are very single and still living up the party life.  I guess as the time went by I started to worry about her coming back wanting this time.  So I figured I would give her the space...  I still don't fully understand why but I thought that things were so good between us that we could survive a couple of months and it would bring us closer.  The two things left on her slate were finding a job and moving in with these friends so i figured if she could do those things without my constant attention that maybe she would feel confident and sure.  Then at the same time I could get rid of this "her needing time" fear as well.  So when she got back I knew I had to do it right away or I wouldn't follow through so I told her.  I know really bad timing!!  I will never forgive myself for that.  She reacted really badly and didn't want to talk to me.  I tried to tell her that I wasn't set on it but she withdrew and wouldn't change her mind.  My big insecurity in our relationship is that I always felt like I fought for her.  Everytime we took a break I never gave up and I always felt that if I didn't do that that things would just fade off...  So we had some heated emails where she said many mean things that she has since retracted but in the end she said she would contact me when she was in a good place.  2 weeks after she sent me a text wanting to meet up and talk and I sent a message a couple hours later because I was in a meeting accepting.  I then went out with a friend who was in town to see her with her friends but most notably with another guy.  This broke me.  A couple days later we talked and I was really angry.  She told me it wasn't anything but it was nice to be wanted...  She also revealed to me that when she came back from Europe that she was ready to take our relationship to the next level and that she was ready at the time.  All of this blind sided me because she never told me that at the time.  She again told me that she knew in her heart that we where meant to be together but that she wouldn't jump back into it.  Since then I have found out that she has slept at that guy's house a couple times supposedly never doing anything physical and she assured me that there was nothing there! She said they have nothing in common, that it was just nice to not have anything serious, that he was fun to hangout with and that he pursued her.  Everytime telling me I had nothing to worry about that she still loved me and that she still knew that we would be back together but for some reason she was unable to be with me now.  It has something to do with the hurt that I caused when she came back from Europe.  I am so confused and lost.  I never thought that this would turn out like this.  The last time we talked she said she just wanted to make her own decisions and needed time to do that... I told her that I supported that and would be here for her but I just can't get the fact out of my head that she is with this other person even though she assures me its nothing.  I am so lost! What do I do?

[july107]

Is it still wrong for me to think there is still a chance?

[Pierce24]

Hey congrats buddy.  Good for you.  Yeah it'll progressively get easier.  The first couple of weeks will be the hardest but one day you'll look back and realize how much of it was her BS.  You'll feel so much better.

[megochick101]

Good Job! Way to stick up for yourself and not be pulled into her selfishness! Take some time for you go out and have fun and I'm sure you'll meet someone who is so much better for you! But just relax and take it easy for awhile and concentrate on you.

[july107]

Thanks Judy!

[Judy246]

Here....can you feel me giving you a great big hug? You are truly a smart man and I see a great big beautiful future waiting to meet you. Good job.

[july107]

Hi all.  I just saw these comments.  I actually talked to her the day I moved which was exactly 2 weeks ago tomorrow.  It was a phone conversation and in many ways Im glad it happened.  She left more messages pleading for me to talk to her and finally it got to a point where getting those messages was harder than just talking plus I was able to finally speak my mind without worrying about saying something wrong.  She told me she didn't know she was hurting me which was bs and that the only reason she was with that guy was because she was mad and me and he helped her to not feel alone...  She said she ended it and that she never had any feelings for him.  She professed her love for me and said she would never forgive herself for ruining everything and that I was her family....  I told her everything that was on my chest and that I was not going to be with someone who could hurt me like her.  In the end I told her she needed to work on herself and that I couldn't talk to her anymore.  That maybe down the road when I am feeling like I had time to deal with my side of it then maybe we could talk again.  It is hard because of course I still love her but she is very selfish.  She has always gotten what she wanted with me and everytime she pushes how much she can get away with more and more.  I'm not sure a person like that can change or if she will actually even ACT on it but I know I can't wait around so I haven't.  Everyday it gets a little easier...