Girlfriend says she love me but needs space...

[july107]

So this is going to be a confusing one...  My girlfriend(ex) went to europe for a month and before she left our relationship was going really well.  I mean we had mini fights every once in awhile but nothing crazy.  When she left I felt the most comfortable I ever have with her and was 100% sure of her love for me and mine for her.  You see we've been together 4 years and we've had issues with trust at least on my end.  She has requested space on three occasions and every time I'm left felling like this could be the end but I support her.  The last time we were separated for 3 months and it was hard because she always told me she loved me and that we were meant to be together.  Finally one day she came around and I moved to the city where she lived as opposed to living 50 miles away.  We started our relationship again with talk of marriage etc. but wanting to take it slow because she still had some things to do like graduate college and go on these many trips with her friends culminating in the Europe trip.  She said after that she still might need time on her own...  So this was in January and reassured her that I would give her all the space that she needed and that things would be okay.  You see I know we both love each other very much and both know that we want a future together so I thought it would be okay.  So fast forward to June.  Things are going great.  She had been on many trips with her friends and graduated college and I never questioned her as far as me trusting her.  We were in love although my biggest problem is being affectionate because I guess I am unconsciously scared to fully open up because of all this "time" stuff we've been through.  I assure you its not that i don't want to be affectionate.  This was one thing she had troubles with.  So she leave to Europe and like I said I never felt more sure of us but slowly as the time past and our communication was very little because of the obvious I started to worry.  You see she planned on moving in with these 2 girls who are very single and still living up the party life.  I guess as the time went by I started to worry about her coming back wanting this time.  So I figured I would give her the space...  I still don't fully understand why but I thought that things were so good between us that we could survive a couple of months and it would bring us closer.  The two things left on her slate were finding a job and moving in with these friends so i figured if she could do those things without my constant attention that maybe she would feel confident and sure.  Then at the same time I could get rid of this "her needing time" fear as well.  So when she got back I knew I had to do it right away or I wouldn't follow through so I told her.  I know really bad timing!!  I will never forgive myself for that.  She reacted really badly and didn't want to talk to me.  I tried to tell her that I wasn't set on it but she withdrew and wouldn't change her mind.  My big insecurity in our relationship is that I always felt like I fought for her.  Everytime we took a break I never gave up and I always felt that if I didn't do that that things would just fade off...  So we had some heated emails where she said many mean things that she has since retracted but in the end she said she would contact me when she was in a good place.  2 weeks after she sent me a text wanting to meet up and talk and I sent a message a couple hours later because I was in a meeting accepting.  I then went out with a friend who was in town to see her with her friends but most notably with another guy.  This broke me.  A couple days later we talked and I was really angry.  She told me it wasn't anything but it was nice to be wanted...  She also revealed to me that when she came back from Europe that she was ready to take our relationship to the next level and that she was ready at the time.  All of this blind sided me because she never told me that at the time.  She again told me that she knew in her heart that we where meant to be together but that she wouldn't jump back into it.  Since then I have found out that she has slept at that guy's house a couple times supposedly never doing anything physical and she assured me that there was nothing there! She said they have nothing in common, that it was just nice to not have anything serious, that he was fun to hangout with and that he pursued her.  Everytime telling me I had nothing to worry about that she still loved me and that she still knew that we would be back together but for some reason she was unable to be with me now.  It has something to do with the hurt that I caused when she came back from Europe.  I am so confused and lost.  I never thought that this would turn out like this.  The last time we talked she said she just wanted to make her own decisions and needed time to do that... I told her that I supported that and would be here for her but I just can't get the fact out of my head that she is with this other person even though she assures me its nothing.  I am so lost! What do I do?

[Judy246]

p.s.after this last experience, break all contact with her or this is going to be routine with her. She will come back and leave, come back and leave. Enought is enough, let it be the last time you speak or text her again...even if it means changing your cell phone number. Time to move forward without her.

[mami1323]

And the cycle begins again.  She did exactly what she's always done.  End it and then come back.  You do exactly what you always do, take her back again.  It's going to go on and on until you put an end to it.  You apparently don't care that you are a walking doormat.  Good luck, it won't be long until she does it again.  When is enough going to be enough for you?

[megochick101]

She is pulling you back in with I'm sorry's and all kinds of **** like that. She is stringing you along. She obviously has no respect for you or your feelings if she is saying all this to you while STILL seeing this other guy. Face it, she is not mature enough for a committed relationship and is using you as a guy she can fall back too whenever she feels like it. She is not considering you or your feelings at all, she is thinking about herself and that's it. Like Judy said, there are many many woman out there and you sound like a great guy, go out and mingle. You will find someone who is actually worthy of your love!

And i would suggest break off all contact with this girl. I doubt she will change, and she is not a healthy partner for you obviously.

[Judy246]

As I said in my earlier post, because she does care about you and love you, BUT she no longer "in" love with you and I also, think that she is insensitive, no realizing that her words and actions are hurting you. It's time to accept what you can't change and put this girl behind you and don't look back She is no longer worthy of your love.

It's going to be difficult, but not all women are like her. There are so many beautiful, great women, who have moral values and are just waiting for that right time to meet you and get to you know. We have all experienced a heartbrake. I have experienced everything from being dump, to be told "I don't want a committed relationship" and I can go on and on, but It took all those bitter, negative experiences for meet the most amazing man, when I least expected it. Let her go, she's just not worth it. Keep us updated on how you are coming along.

[july107]

So an update.  This last weekend she text me "I ruined us didn't I" so I replied that she hadn't and she said that she felt so stupid to not be ready for us so I called thinking that she was sorry.  She came over to talk and told me how she wishes we could go back to the way things were and how she wishes this was just a bad dream and then she went on to tell me that she was still talking to that guy except now more and plus they are sleeping together now.  WTF is wrong with this girl.

[Judy246]

Sad to say, that the one's that do target men like you...also, end up alone in the long run.