Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Guilt consuming me after affair

Years ago I had an affair. My husband found out. We went to counseling and worked through it.
Last December our relationship was in turmoil again. I begged for counseling. Husband didn't feel it was necessary. Fast forward a few months and I had an affair with a coworker.
I ended it after realizing that even if my husband never changes I want my marriage and family.
The coworker has said I better not ever tell husband and that he would never tell either so the chances of him finding out are slim to none.
I am racked with guilt 24-7. I wake up sick to my stomach and worry every time he's on his phone, email, Facebook etc.
I feel like telling him would only make me feel better and would destroy so many people and things - my husband, my kids, my family, etc but don't know how to cope with this guilt and fear that's consuming me.
6 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
3060903 tn?1398565123
I'm glad you're going to a therapist for yourself. Compatibility issues are always hard to know how to deal with, and in time, with therapy. you will either be able to accept these "issues" or learn to look for a relationship where they do not exist. The problem being, early in relationships, men and women act differently than they often do further on into the relationship.  It will take you work to figure out how to keep the romantic and physical love alive within a relationship. It would obviously help if he was on board, indeed, in the end, it might be impossible without his wanting the relationship to flourish and having an open mind to work towards that end.

All the best,  Please keep us updated? It's an important thread. There are many that have the same issues. Take Care.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have been seeing a counselor yes. Our issues are always reoccurring - not enough affection, sex etc. but it took the thought of not having him to realize that's what I wanted. If that makes sense.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
Also, you mentioned Last December your relationship was again in turmoil. Can you elaborate at all about why? It might help us in our comments.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
I'm wondering if you've gone to see a therapist yet ? How are you?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have consulted to get an appointment w a counselor.

I also didn't mean to blame at all. I accept full blame. I meant that I want my husband regardless of any issues we may have.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh.  I'm sorry you repeated history with the choice of cheating after your partner worked to forgive you.  I do think it is lousy to 'sort of' blame him for the cheating (the never changing part).  I'm worried because you were willing to do it at that time due to unhappiness in the relationship---  the cheating was a band aid or something.  What do you do now to cope?  Are you vulnerable to it happening again?  Possibly.

I think YOU need counseling.  Not couples counseling but you all by yourself.  To discover why you made this choice twice.  How to live with the guilt.  

No, I guess I wouldn't tell although I do think your husband deserves to be with someone that is honest.  However, you have kids and plan to try to stay.  So deal with the guilt and take it to your grave.  My opinion only and I am sure you will get opposing opinions.  
good luck
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.