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Avatar universal

He says he wants to stay together, but he's still upset over his ex?

So me and this guy have been going out for about two weeks, last night he told me he had been feeling weird lately and I asked him what's wrong and he told me he had been feeling sorta up and down since up his girlfriend of about two months dumped him 2 weeks prior to us dating. He says he doesn't have feelings for her and doesn't want anything to do with her but he misses what they had I really like him and he says I'm the best thing that's happened to him, and he talks about raising a family with me too. I told him if he wants to end things then I could understand but he says he's unsure what he wants and he doesn't want to hurt me because he loves me and cares about me so much. Flat out I told him "go with your gut. If you don't want to be together and you end things now it'll hurt me a lot less then if you keep it going." He told me he wants to be together and his feelings are only really temporary, he'll "get over it." I don't want to be hurt but I don't want to get strung along either. After we were talking about this for awhile he had to go to sleep and after I left him a long message saying I would be there for him, and he can always trust me and all that, he never responded, although I know he's busy today. I'm so nervous I don't know what to do?
5 Responses
3149845 tn?1506627771
Since he was dumped he will have issues for quite some time. Things like what he did wrong, will she come back, what do i do with my feeling for her, what if i see her with another man and a big one is being dumped in itself, this will make him want her more.
It would appear that he does not want to hurt you and you being with him is confusing his feelings of reqret and he would rather wallow in his discomfort instead of moving on with you.
Before making any decision, get exact answers from him on some simple statements that he made. Ask him what does "feeling weird mean" specifically and also ask him what he means by missing what they had.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Well, two weeks isn't long for you guys.  And two months with his ex wasn't that long either.  :>)  But I guess that doesn't matter if he has funky feelings about it.

What he is telling you is that he isn't quite ready to be fully into dating someone right now.  The rebound thing is real . . .  this is when someone starts dating before they fully processed what happened with their last relationship and aren't quite over it.  People are never their best selves in a rebound relationship and things rarely go very well.  

In all honesty, this is what I'd do---  tell him to take some time to get over his ex and what happened.  That you won't date during that time.  And if he is over it and wants to try again, you may be open to it depending on what is going on in your life.

Because you don't want a guy who is comparing your every move to a break up girlfriend who is fresh in his mind.  Right?

Take a break from dating and let him deal with whatever is going on inside of him.  good luck
Avatar universal
Have all of his relationships been like this..........lasting short periods?  If so, then you may want to take that into consideration.  Two months is just pretty much the "getting to know each other phase."  Sounds like he  jumped too soon into another relationship and hopefully this isn't a pattern with him.

"I'm so nervous I don't know what to do?".............Sounds like you know what you are doing and in my opinion you have said and done the right thing already.  I would tell him to take some time alone and work through these feelings he is still having and when he feels he is "over" this, then he can contact you.  

I am sure he just hasn't had a chance to respond as the day isn't over yet.  See how he responds and then go from there.  

Agree with SM.
Avatar universal
I agree with the others before me.

I also think it's a red flag for anyone to be talking about "raising a family" together in the first 2 weeks - this should be the FURTHEST thing from BOTH your minds this early into a (any) relationship.  It takes much time to build a relationship and to become devoted enough to one another to consider ParenHood.   Babies are at risk when They come this soon into a relationship. In my opinion You are BOTH rushing this,

You should bow out and give Him time to sort His feelings over His breakup.
Avatar universal
Agree with what the others have said. After only 2 weeks for him to start talking about making a family with you is crazy! And it's pretty clear that he's on the rebound, which is not good for you. You're much better off telling him that is too soon for him to commit to anyone right now and since you're looking for long term and he isn't over his last relationship that this isn't going to work.

Personally I'd never date a guy who was that soon out of his last relationship. It's never a good idea to jump into something so soon because you're pretty much guaranteed to just be the rebound person and get your heart broken. It's not worth it.
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