Help Please! I have to delete this before my parents see.

[mortalbeing]

I am gay but I am really afraid. My mom found some gay porn I looked at. I owned up to my sin. My dad told me that I have fallen short of the Biblical standards of morality and that if I have ever had these feelings I must repent my sin to God. My parents will not allow me to have male friends over and are afraid I will turn my younger brother gay if I am not careful. They are disappointed and said I have sent our entire family in a tailspin. They told me this is shameful and bad and perverted. They are sending me to reparative therapy to change me to like girls. Then they want to send me to military school so I don't turn my younger brother gay. I know I have disappointed God and my family. I am so sad and feel dead inside. I wish I could like girls. My whole life I have known I like boys. My parents said that being gay humiliates and demeans a man’s dignity and masculinity. I want my parents to love me. How do I convince them I can be straight. I don't want to go to this reparative therapy. I like my friends and my school. Please help me.

[AmuckLife]

I did not want to run out of space but I almost bust a gut laughing!  Homosexuality IS genetic and no amount of watching gay porn will turn anyone gay any more than watching straight porn will make anyone straight.  Your brother could watch you all day and he might have questions about what you did or what it was like but you neither watching nor answering his questions will make him anything he wasn't when he woke up that morning.  I really wish that people understood that their faith is in God and in Christ rather than the Bible; the Bible is an instrument or aid to faith NOT a book of justifications for hate or a kind of "moral shellac" for unchristian behavior or beliefs.  I wonder if they remembered, when they were saying all these horrible things, that all fall short of the mark, that is why Christ had to die on the cross, to redeem ALL of the sins of humanity, including injurious and hateful parenting.  On another forum, the entire logical problem could be discussed; however, suffice it here to say that the parable of the rich man and Lazarus speaks to what a lack of love and compassion in this life brings in the next.  I am sure that someone will say "the devil can quote scripture too!" or some other nonsense because they can't argue on point so an ad hominem attack is all they have left.  If being male and doing something takes away masculinity and femininity is the female equivalent of masculinity then is a woman less feminine after performing the same act on a man?  Why not?  Is it their contention that it says so somewhere in the Bible?  I would posit that 2500 years ago, in the Middle East, sex was not something anyone wanted to do all that often and they would probably not write about how much fun it was.  Perverting the Bible to force a child to be something they are not because someone went into a moral panic over some nude bodies --something that would not be an issue if we were not so sex and body negative as a society-- that happened to be male (what if your mom had found nude women?) that is perverted and bad.  It is shameful that it happens in this day and age; hopefully, soon, this too will be another of the dark marks in our history that people like to pretend didn't happen.   You will find love and you will have a warm and loving home that your brother and his wife will visit often for family barbecues and holidays because the love will show in the warmth of the home your partner and you will make for yourselves.  

[AmuckLife]

MortalBeing, I hope that when you read this, you are reading it at a military school.  The amount of nonsense that people believe about military schools is comparable to the amount of people that think that sharks and crocodiles are everywhere and are all starving and looking forward to human and a side of dog!  I went to a military school and I can tell you without a doubt that it is the best thing that could happen to you.  The chaplain, hopefully, an Army or Marine Corps chaplain (lots and lots of people with a wide variety of challenges to life and faith; there have always been gay, lesbian, and bisexual people in the military, open service just meant that the military wasn't bleeding perfectly good talent over meaningless dribble that did nothing more than create problems by harkening to the "reasons" [sic] that the military could not be integrated) and a Jesuit (exquisitely educated on all subjects, not just religion or any particular interpretation) whose doctorate happens to be in philosophy or psychology --there will probably be some reading to do-- with some recent military experience.  That is not to say that you have to convert or something, all military chaplains serve all faiths and varieties.  However, you do not want someone that thinks exactly like your parents, you've already had that experience, you need more and widely differing points of view.  You do not need them because there is anything wrong with you, you need them PRECISELY because THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU and you can't see that from where you were when you wrote your post.  Your family's flight stability is not your responsibility and your parents emotional well being are not your responsibility, your psychological and physical well being is their responsibility and they are doing a poor job of it; making their love conditional is not only not a Christian thing to do or even a healthy thing to do, it is a ROTTEN thing to do to anyone!    God made you and he does not make mistakes so you are perfect just the way you are and maybe they should re read the parable of the Good Samaritan and reflect on the people that passed the fallen man by and the one that helped; Jewish people of the time hated Samaritans and yet, it was this man that Jesus chose to serve as the example of kindness and compassion that Christians should emulate.  I have read extensively but I do not recall a time when Jesus said to hate anyone or a time when he singled out anyone and told anyone to hate him or her.  I can recall a number of examples when Jesus made it very clear that being a Christian meant being compassionate and long suffering.  You cannot make anyone love you (even though people will hate you for free, love requires effort on the part of the giver) so don't even try.  Parents are supposed to be THE source of unconditional love and they have already failed.  All you can do is remember what happened to you because, however bad it gets, you never want to forget, you might be someone's source of strength and hope when it is darkest for them.  One day, you will be someone straight of back and broad of shoulders and lethal, as those that harm you look at you in fear, you will look at them with pity; I want to hear them explain to the you that you will become (for the sake of the example, a Ranger, a Marine, or a Frogman) how you are less masculine than someone.  I might be too late but you can go to a nearby university and ask around for the LGBT student group.  I have ZERO DOUBT that the world will come to your aid.  Incidentally, any boarding school will have resources to address problems at home that might interfere with your academic achievement and mental health, their product is not happy parents, their product is a successful graduate that goes on to college.

[Nighthawk61]

Anniebrook sounds like the perfect mentor for you. My heart is full of love for your incredible future - JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

[Nighthawk61]

i'm also so sorry life can be so hard, but you will get through the awkward stage of your life and be blissfully ignorant one day of anyone that judges you - AND YOU'LL BE LIVING IN PEACE AND HAPPINESS as it should be I PROMISE.F STAY BRAVE AND COURAGEOUS, YOU FOR YOURSELF IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

[AnnieBrooke]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sexuality is simply the way you are born, it is not learned. It is not a sin. It's like being right-handed or left-handed.

There are websites for gay teens (not sexy websites but for teens in your position, who are in an unhappy family situation because of being gay.) Look up PFLAG, the Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays website, for some links.  

If there is enough pressure on a person who was born left-handed to act right-handed, he can probably do it, but it is not how he was born and some day he might just say "why is it so important for me to pretend?" Being gay is not something you can do "re-education" and change.

Start with the PFLAG site and see where you get. I have a lesbian sister and if being gay was contagious I'd be a lesbian too, but guess what, I've always known I was straight the way she always knew she was a lesbian. That is the way it works.

God would not be so cruel as to turn away from a good person like you. pm me if you want. I can look up some resources, but you will probably find them faster by starting with PFLAG's site and looking for resources there.

Good luck, stay brave, and (((HUGS)))

Annie

[AnnieBrooke]

Here is something on conversion therapy. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/conversion-therapy

[AnnieBrooke]

If you are a minor and do not want to do conversion therapy, in some states you cannot be forced to do it, even by your parents. In fact, conversion therapy for minors is illegal in some states. So get your facts, maybe call a legal aid clinic and ask.

[AnnieBrooke]

Another person who could probably tell you whether you can be forced to do conversion therapy would be a counselor at your school. They could at least find out your legal right to refuse.