Help my adult son and his wife hate me.

[4god]

what should I do. this all started when my son came over to my house and said that his wife was sleeping all the time and going to numerous dr's appts and not really doing any thing at home with the two children and very little cleaning. all I said to him was even when I do not feel good I do some work. He went back and told her and now she said" I talked smack behind her back. So then I was suppose to watch our two grandchildren. Well I was throwing up with the stomach virus and I was still sick. They found out I had broncytis. so then I was on antibiotics. I was unable physically to watch the children. My husband called them the evening before to say that we were both sick and it would not be a good idea to keep our grandchildren. then his wife posted that I must have munchousers syndrome. I had 5 page report of the blood work and xrays showing I was sick. Now she will not let us see our grandchildren and We practically raised the first Grandchild because neither of them could get out of bed to treat the baby who had RSV Neithe one of them could give the baby his breathing treatments. I took care of him for two years. I felt as if he was my own son. I felt so bad for him. This is a terrible situation. I miss my Grandson and Granddaughter so much. I feel as if they are punishing me. His wife also wrote on Face book that I have this munch ousers syndrome. The funny thing is. She has gone for multiple tests and they find no Chrones disease in her but she continues to post how delibating her disease is.. She also posted on facebook that my son does not care about me any more. It is like she is minipulating him. sorry for my spelling I am just recovering from a mini stroke.

[nursegirl6572]

Wonderful post from SM above!!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Sorry you are going through this---  really sounds heartbreaking.

I would consider that your daughter in law and son are troubled within their marriage.  I would not look at any social media of theirs or facebook.  It's just hurtful and really doesn't mean anything.  So, just don't look at it.  You can take a break from your page for a bit to avoid reading your feed or block the feed from view for now.  

See your grandkids as much as possible-- even if you feel a little used.  But rise above all their (your son and his wife's) carrying on.  Don't participate.  If your son wants to talk to you about his wife---  just let him know that you don't want to be involved anymore and just hope it all works out for them.  Tell him you love them both and the kids and just don't want tension between everyone anymore.  And leave it at that.  

He told his wife what you said because he was trying to get his wife to do something.  He complained about her and you said something that resonated to him and he wanted to let her know that SHE could do something when not feeling ill as well.  It's kind of natural to do that but understand that you thought you were having a confidential conversation.  It just backfired when he used what you said to kind of make his wife feel bad.  So, don't say anything next time.  

Again, sorry for this situation and I do hope it gets better soon!  (and your health as well).  

[4god]

I guess that some things in Families never change. As Grandparents, we try to be fair with all of our Grandchildren. Some of our children think it is not fair wile others are more then grateful. We will have to do what we think is right and continue to try to be as fair as we can. Kath and chris

[4god]

I did speak with our son. He continues to tell me he thinks that I have munchhousers syndrome. I spoke with my Dr. she really feels that his wife goes to the hospital way to much and she has that and she also told me I do not have that and to disregaurd what they are saying. I did get to see the grandchildren on Thursday eve they spent the night. I just some times feel I am used .I love the Grandchildren with all of my heart. I just wish my son and Daughter in law were not so hurtful. I also spoke to him about why he told her what I said and he said just because...... thank You for your help. I guess that some things never change. Kathleen

[nursegirl6572]

Hello there!

Ugh, it sounds like your son kind of threw you under the bus pretty much.  He comes to YOU venting about his wife, so you only naturally made the comment you did to him.  He really shouldn't have relayed that to his wife at all.  That was between the two of you.  

I'm not so sure the very best way for you to move forward, quite frankly, it sounds like both of them are unreasonable.  Have you confronted your son about him running to her with what you said?  Have you told him that that caused a big rift?  Did you get along with the wife before this happened?

Keep trying to connect with the grandchildren as much as you can.  Hopefully some of this will blow over.  Good luck!

[Alex_X_18]

allot of time when it comes to the kids they just want their privacy and it has to do with childhood grudges that may involve other family issues. I know some kids who were mad at their parents remarrying in my gen others felt that their parents never liked the hobbies they had or significant others and wanted space. There are some kids who deals with allot of pressure from their parents about grades now in college trying to get cafreers and their parents disapprove of the type of work or study they are doing. then occasionally you find the bratty ones who just had something to hide like a sex addiction or drug hobbit. Some say they really love their parents but only dislike they way they are approached about certain things all things to keep in mind. In terms of your daughter in law as it is common for the in law families to feel outcasted both my grandparents remarried and recently I remember having a conversation with my grandmother and I told her I felt awquard around my step granddad and she said she had felt that way the entirety of the time my mother was around but I had always considered her family it wasn't offensive to hear her say that, I was simply in shock to know that she felt that way as I never knew about it throughout entire teens and 20's.