He's not looking for anything serious?

[unsureinCA]

I met a guy online, and we immediately hit it off.  He told me upfront that he wasn't looking for anything serious, which was fine with me as I wasn't either.  We went out a couple of times and had a great time.  Kissed and cuddled a little.  I asked him after our first date (we had been talking online for hours every night) where he stood: was he still not looking for something serious or did he see some potential.  He said he saw a lot of potential and said he wanted to cook me dinner.  I went to his place and had a wonderful time.  He was so sweet the entire time.  We did have sex which was probably a bad move on my part.  Well, he was busy with work so we didn't get to talk much the next couple of days although we still texted.  The other night we got talking about things and he said he saw something between us and liked me, but that he wasn't looking for something serious (i.e. seeing other people, using the L-word, etc).  He made it sound as if something serious in the future could be possible though and said he still wanted to hang out when he got back from his business trip.  I am thinking of just taking a step back and trying to be friends to see what happens, but I really like him already.  Any advice (particularly from males) would be appreciated.  I would like to be friends even if a relationship doesn't work out, and I am worried I ruined that too although he also said he would like to stay friends if things don't work out between us.

[Judy246]

Amen imanaddict! (hugs, hope your doing good!)

[imanaddict]

That is the oldest trick in the book. He wants a booty call with no strings attached, only he didn't put it that way. If you are okay with that, then continue on. If you aren't, I would advise not sleeping with him anymore until he decides he wants to only be with you. Women tend to associate sex with love, men do not, so definitely proceed with caution.

[specialmom]

I agree with Mami.  Most men are not too complicated ---do and say as they mean.  Enjoy the contact but keep your eyes open for someone else to romantically date.   Dating is hard work!!!  But so is marriage, so it never ends.  Life is a job but worth it.  Best of luck to you!

[mami1323]

You know, I think men are pretty simple.  I think it's very cut and dry.  I don't think he's scared, I think he knows exactly what he wants and is telling you but is also playing little games to keep you dangling.  I'm not saying that one day he won't realize you're the girl for him but I think too many women make the mistake of overanalyzing a man's intentions and wind up getting hurt because they don't think he means what he says.  Did you ever see that movie "he's just not that into you'?  I really think we do a disservice as a friend if we sugar coat a situation and if we overshadow a man's true intentions by trying to say things to make our friend's not feel so badly.  I think the truth is right there in front of you.  I think he likes you, I think he likes talking with you but I also think he's wanting to have sex with you again and doesn't really know if he would want anything more.  I don't think he's scared, I just think he's doing what most men do.  

[Judy246]

They are complicated and from Mars (lol), enjoy the moment, but keep your guard ok :)

[unsureinCA]

So, I have been waiting to see if he would text me, and he has several times to ask how my day was or what I was up to.  So I am guess he still does at least want to be friends.  A friend said perhaps he feels something for me but since it is so soon he is scared.  I just wish men and dating weren't so complicated lol.

[Judy246]

I agree, quite a few men are marriage phobic and will say nice things one day and if he meets someone else, it's the "I told you so", so with this type of man, you keep your emotion in check. Sex might be great, but it does not mean he will fall in love with you and yes, it doesn't have the same meaning that a woman would have. Women are more emotional beings, guys can move on quickly, so advice, "take it for what it's worth and safe guard emotion to avoid being hurt."

[teko]

What is up with everyone these days? Ya date a guy and sleep with him and think your going to have this huge love affair. Sex does not mean the same thing to a man that it does to a woman. Once you give it up, they are merely keeping you around for sex. You will be in the picture until he finds another challenge. You might be able to stay friends, but I doubt it will go further than that. Ya dont give up the gold on the first few dates! Number One Biggest Mistake. Now you had sex, he is fun and you want it to be more, he doesnt but wants you to hang around so he can use ya for sex. Ya dont have sex with someone not wanting a serious relationship until either the relationship turns serious or you can emotionally handle the friends with benefits thing. It doesnt sound like you can. Sorry.

[mami1323]

Some men are all talk and no action.  Meaning he will continue to say things that he thinks you want to hear in order to keep getting you in bed.  I suggest pulling back.  When he starts having talks about the future tell him that it's too soon for you and that if he's not interested in a serious relationship then he should refrain from asking to meet your family, friends and child.  This way he can't confuse you and you make it known to him that you aren't falling for the lines.  Take it slow, even though you already jumped into bed.  If you feel like you can be with him, like going out on dates and what not than continue.  However, if you feel like you will become attached and may get hurt, I suggest pulling away now.  It always s ucks to like a guy and fall for them when they don't want the same thing.  Then you will find yourself being strung along for months and months.  Keep your options open to dating other people.  This way you won't be so focused on him.  When the day comes that he decides that he wants to be exclusive, then you can give him that as well.  

[unsureinCA]

Thanks for the advice.  I guess I wouldn't be quite as confused if he hadn't mentioned meeting my parents, my son (although he did say he though it was too soon for that and I agree), and my friends and mentioned me meeting his parents and friends.  He talked about things in the future and acts as if he wants something more.  Perhaps he is just one of those guys that wants to act like they are in a relationship without actually being committed.  I will proceed with caution and just enjoy the ride while it lasts.

[Judy246]

Proceed with caution! He told you upfront that he wasn't looking for anything serious and when a guy tell's you that, protect your emotions and heart, because if he has informed you this upfront, months to come, this relationship can go in any direction, but usually when a guy tells you this, take it for what it is worth....he's not ready and only time will tell if he wants to be in a committed and exclusive relationship with you and I hope sleeping with him this soon will not backfire, so only time will tell. Enjoy his company, going out to dinner and if intimacy is something mutually shared fine, but with my experience, when they say from the very beginning that they are not looking for exclusivity and committment, that means they want to be available to date whenever they want and if someone else come's along, you were forward, so step back, guard your emotions and enjoy the moment, because he is unpredictable at this point in time. It can go anyway, you just have to wait and see where the relationship goes, and do not seem clingy or needy to him (not that you are), because once they catch on that you are trying to take the dating to a higher level, he's gone, so proceed with caution.