Help in fixing the relationship with my mother

[Joetimberton30]

Hello to the MedHelp community, i will explain my problem here and your suggestions will be appreciated.

I am a 26 yo male, I few months ago I had a terrible break up with my ex girl-friend. The break up trigerred my depression and I became severly depressed. During that time I also got so violent and would randomly break house objects, slam doors etc. I used to have suicidal thoughts and would talk about suicide often to my parents. At the same time I was going to weekly therapy sessions with a psychiatrist. I was under the medication Olanzapine. My psychiatrist had suggested my parents that if I threaten to suicide, they should tell me that they will contact the police. In my psychiatrist's opinion this would have prevented me from having the thought again and again. One day when I was so depressed and unstable, my mom came to my room to bring my medications, at the same time I was feeling lost and angry, there was a desk next to me and between me and where my mom was standing, I suddenly became violent and kicked the desk and it was almost hitting my mom. I must say that I did not want to harm her or hit her, my mom panicked and shouted to my brother: "go call the cops". After that that she left the room and my dad calmed the situation and no cops were called.

After this incident, a few months passed and now I am feeling better and no longer depressed. But the issue is that I cannot trust my mom anymore and I cannot believe that she loves me. Prior to this incident she always told me that she loves me even more than herself (not that it's a right thing) but now after she said call the cops, I always feel that something in our relationship is missing. I have talked about how I feel to her twice and she swears that she panicked and she would never actually call the cops on me. I would appreciate to know you thoughts on this and how can I restore the good loving relationship that I once had with my mom.

[Paxiled]

If you were in fact depressed and not just feeling really sad about a breakup, which all of us do and eventually we get over it, don't be too hard on yourself but also don't be too hard on those who are around you.  Those of us who are depressed or anxious do sometimes lash out and although our anger isn't really directed at whoever happens to be around at the time they don't experience it that way.  It sounds to me like your psychiatrist did something that might not have been the most ethical, which was to have your parents call the cops on you instead of taking you to the emergency room to be admitted to a mental hospital until you stopped being suicidal.  Having cops involved can go very wrong, although sometimes it is the only way to protect other people from those who are violent when they are suffering from mental illness.  In your case, it sounds like your Mom was doing what she was told to do, as it would be very reasonable to equate you getting violent towards her with getting violent towards yourself.  Love requires understanding, and your Mom is human just as you are human.  Now, there is something else you should consider.  Olanzapine may not have been the first drug you were put on for this, but if it was, it was a very odd choice.  It's an antipsychotic and you are saying you were suffering from depression.  So there's that, as antipsychotics can have much greater effects on our neurotransmitters than most antidepressants.  And you don't mention if you were feeling suicidal or having these violent outbursts before you were put on the med or after, as those kinds of behaviors and thoughts can be a result of medication.  It is something to consider -- when this breakup occurred, were you just feeling really sad, lonely, insecure, and the like or were you in fact having suicidal and violent thoughts already?  Again, something to consider because it might indicate you are not on a med that's good for you.  I can't say, but I am raising the possibility just do you know this is a possible side effect.  But assuming the drug doesn't have anything to do with this, give your Mom a break.  She's going to be your Mom for the rest of your life and if you keep thinking this way you might lose that.  And I agree with the above, you definitely are not ready yet to stop therapy if you didn't figure this out on your own.  You're still insecure and suspicious so keep up the work that has been helping you.  Peace.

[Joetimberton30]

I was having the suicidal thoughts even before I was putting on the med. The violent behaviour was also there before the medications. I have stopped the therapy and the medications and I am mentally in a better place now. I must also mention thst my mom didn't actually call the cops but she mentioned it when she got frightened

[Paxiled]

That's good.  It appears that whether or not the meds helped or not, the grief and emotions from the breakup are tapering off.  Please stay in therapy so this doesn't happen again.  Get it fixed.  Your Mom isn't your enemy, it sounds like she's trying really hard to be your friend.  Speaking as someone who has a bad anxiety problem, my family and my friends disappeared on me when I got my problem.  Yours aren't.  That's a blessing.  Eat your anger, it's not really you.  Peace.

[AnnieBrooke]

If the violent behavior was there before, don't stop therapy even if you stop the meds, unless you want to drive your mom out of your life. There is only so much someone can handle even if they love you, and being in bodily fear is not something she should be required to take. Even if you think your anger is tapering off, this was serious; please stay in therapy.

[AnnieBrooke]

In your shoes, I'd continue with the therapy and the meds.

It's not your mom's fault that she was frightened.  Love does not require someone to stand still while a grown man throws a piece of heavy furniture at them, and reacting with fear doesn't mean the person is "untrustworthy" or doesn't love you. Don't use her natural reaction to your outrageous behavior as a way to blame her for not being otherworldly saintly. It almost makes it seem like you've seized on this as an excuse to manipulate your mom, when the fault was yours. Maybe you have your own reasons to make your mom feel bad, but the way you are doing it is convoluted. Talk it over with your therapist, and take some ownership over your actions.